


Exchange Students From Outer Space

by pumpkinfollies



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Abuse, Abusive Dave's Bro | Beta Dirk Strider, Alternate Universe - No Sburb/Sgrub Sessions, Asshole Dave's Bro | Beta Dirk Strider, Enemies to Friends to Lovers, Exchange Student AU, Fluff, Friends to Lovers, Hurt/Comfort, Light Angst, M/M, Mutual Pining, Slow Burn, so this ended up being way fluffier than i originally intended due to my inability to write angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-13
Updated: 2021-01-02
Packaged: 2021-03-02 02:40:39
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 30
Words: 61,200
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23637706
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pumpkinfollies/pseuds/pumpkinfollies
Summary: Karkat is an exchange student moving to Earth to avoid being culled. That would be fine if the universe didn’t hate Karkat. He gets stuck living with Dave Strider, an asshole Karkat swears is the biggest douchebag this side of paradox space. There is no way in hell they would ever get along. Right?Or: Dave's bro is an abusive asshole and Karkat is an exchange student staying with them due to a mix-up. Things go about as well as one would expect.
Relationships: Dave Strider/Karkat Vantas
Comments: 87
Kudos: 457





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Happy 413! I don't know how long this fic is going to be, but here is the first chapter! I'll try and post more as soon as possible. Any feedback would be greatly appreciated! :3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Karkat arrives on Earth.

The bustling crowd was so obnoxiously loud. Businessmen with gray pinched faces ran this way and that, hurrying to catch their next flight. The heat didn’t make matters any better, either. Karkat could practically feel his skin melting away from his bones simply due to how hot it was. He decided then and there that all airports should burn in hell. Everything about the establishment was horrid. The lines took far too long, the people were rude, there was nowhere comfortable to sit, and to top it all off, the coffee tasted like someone took a shit in it. 

On the upside, Karkat was on Earth. Alternia was great and Karkat would fight anyone who said otherwise, but the prospect of being culled on the spot because of his blood color was a little off-putting. When Karkat first heard that culling wasn’t really a thing on Earth, he couldn’t believe it. 

Humans were very weird, to say the least. Their skin was soft, they didn’t have any claws or sharp teeth and they were so trusting. Karkat knew that their looks were deceiving, humans were nowhere near as weak as they seemed. A weak species would have never been able to beat The Condesce in war and create a peace treaty, after all. 

But that’s all ancient history. Well, if seventy years counts as ancient history. The alliance between Earth and Alternia was part of the reason that Karkat was on Earth. In an attempt to “foster hospitality between troll and mankind” a handful of exchange students were sent to Earth from Alternia every year. When Karkat heard about the program, he jumped at the chance to leave Alternia. As it turned out, all of his friends that he met on Trollian also signed up for the program. Karkat was excited to leave. Although Alternia was his home, it wasn’t the safest place for him. Sollux, the douchebag that he was, actually did something useful for once in his gog forsaken life and helped Karkat forge some official documents so that he could travel safely to Earth. It was easy enough for Karkat to pass off as a rust blood, and with a bit of help from Vriska, everything went smoothly. 

Karkat snapped out of his thoughts and the bus driving them arrived. All twelve of the trolls piled into the vehicle. The bus driver took a double-take when they entered, with good reason. They were quite the peculiar group. Two of the trolls, Vriska and Tavros, had mechanical limbs, Gamzee was a six-foot-something Juggalo, Terezi was blind and insisted on licking everything and Equius was a hulking mass of sweaty muscle, to name a few of the oddities. 

Karkat trudged his way to the back of the bus before plopping down next to Kanaya. “Why are we going on a bus, again? What the hell is going on?” He asked her. Although he would never admit it, Karkat highly respected Kanaya, and always tried to be polite to her. 

“We were informed about the entire procedure previously, how did you already forget?” Kanaya responded.

“Jeez, I had a few other things on my mind at the time.” Karkat huffed back.

“We are being driven to the school, where we will then be told about the families that will host us. After being detailed on our new residences, it was decided that it would be most efficient if we all took individual taxis to our destinations.” Kanaya informed politely. How she remembered all of this bullshit, Karkat would never know. 

He turned towards the window and watched the foreign landscape go by. As it was already late in the afternoon, the sun’s rays were dim. Despite this, Karkat's eyes were already beginning to ache. No one else seemed bothered by the brightness, so he wondered if it was another one of those unique “gifts” that came with the whole mutant package. Karkat began to think that the universe had it out for him or something. 

One long bus ride later, they arrived at the school. It seemed okay, with nothing too special about it. The principal was waiting at the entrance for the trolls. She told each of the trolls a little about their host families and the address of the house. Kanaya was staying with some girl named Rose and Karkat was with Dave Strider, and that was all Karkat heard before he tuned the principal out. Karkat hadn’t even met him yet, but Dave Strider sounded like an insufferable prick. 

The group said their goodbyes to each other as they called their cabs. Karkat’s ride was short and thank gog for that, he was fucking exhausted. An orange building loomed in front of him. Like all of the other buildings surrounding it, the apartment was so tall Karkat could have sworn it reached outer space. The building seemed a little shitty and kind of drab, but who was he to judge?

As he opened the door and walked over to the elevator, he noticed that it was out of order. That was fine though, the apartment probably wasn’t up that high. Karkat consulted the slip of paper detailing his host family and the apartment given to him by the principal. Of course it was on the 13th floor. Where else would it be? Karkat immediately rescinded all previously positive thoughts about the apartment as he made his journey up thirteen flights of stairs. 

Step after step after step, the stairs stretched on endlessly. After what seemed like an eternity, Karkat reached apartment 4B. He took a few minutes to compose himself before entering, as dragging luggage up thirteen flights of stairs left Karkat a sweaty mess. As there was no doorbell, he resorted to pounding on the door. Normally Karkat would at least try to make a decent first impression, but today was not the day for that. He was tired, sweaty, and grouchy as all hell. 

A pale dude with aviators opened the door. Karkat immediately disliked the man, who the hell wears sunglasses inside? He could just tell that this was a grade-A douchebag. “Sorry, man, I’m not really interested in buying girl scout cookies.” he drawled in a thick Texan accent.

“What the fuck? No, I’m not selling “scout girl cookies” or whatever you said, dumbass! I’m Karkat Vantas, you know, the troll you are supposed to be hosting? Is there anywhere in this gog forsaken hell hole that I can put my shit? I am tired as all hell and am about three seconds away from snapping someone’s neck.” Karkat growled. 

“Uh, dog, I think ya’ve got the wrong address, ‘cus the casa de Strider isn’t supposed to host anyone,” he replied, scratching the back of his head. In this situation, most people would look awkward or confused, but not this fucking cool kid. Cold indifference with a hint of boredom was all that showed on his face. Karkat was completely right about him being an asshole.

“Uh, “dog”, no I don’t. I’m supposed to stay with the Strider family, in their apartment on the thirteenth floor. Last time I fucking checked, this is apartment 4B on floor 13, and you are probably Dave fucking Strider.” Karkat all but screeched. He handed the man the slip of paper given to him by the principal as proof. Sure enough, printed in bold black, “Welcome to Earth! You will be staying with the Strider family! They live in apartment 4B on the 13th floor of…” the paper stated. 

“Well shit man, I wasn’t informed about this whole hosting shtick. Are they really allowed to just drop bombshells on us like that? I mean give a dude some warning. Not cool, man. Also, when the fuck did we sign up to host a troll?” Strider mumbled to himself, staring down at the paper. Karkat glared at him skeptically. The school should have sent a letter to all of the families telling them that the trolls were arriving today. Next to the door, a large pile of mail was stacked up. Karkat bent down and rummaged through it for a few minutes before coming up with said letter sent by the school. He stood back up and waved it in front of Strider’s face, who was now rambling to himself quietly. 

“Hey, fuckstick, they did inform you, but some dumbass forgot to check the mail apparently.” Strider jumped out of his reverie. He glanced at the letter and then back up at Karkat several times as if debating something. Finally, the door creaked open the rest of the way. “Okay, but I still think someone mixed something up.” Strider sighed as he invited Karkat into the apartment. 

Karkat was slightly appalled when he entered the apartment. It was a mess, to say the least. Oddly shaped vibrant puppets were littered around the room, swords were everywhere, and was that a gog-damned throwing star in the wall? “As you can see, my man, the casa de Strider isn’t really the best place for hostin’. Sit tight, I’mma call the principal to get this shit sorted.” He called back at Karkat, before venturing further into the apartment. Karkat thought for a moment that Strider seemed nervous traversing through his hive, but brushed it off. That would be stupid, why would he feel unsafe in his own apartment?

Karkat looked around the apartment, bewildered. If this is what all human hives were like, the species was weirder than he initially thought. He had heard that humans didn’t really carry around weapons like trolls did, but Karkat now knew that the rumor was fake, judging by the amount of swords in the room. He was about to plop down on the couch, but right before he did, Karkat noticed a puppet buried beneath the pillows. This puppet was different from the rest, it wore a hat and a blue t-shirt that had the word cal printed across it in all caps. 

“Oh hey, I see you’ve met lil’ Cal.” Strider said from somewhere behind Karkat. Karkat immediately jumped, he didn’t notice Strider re-enter the room. Jegus Christ, why the fuck did he not make any sound when he moved? “So the principal was all like “the dude gots to stay there because there aren’t any other families that can host him right now”, so you are stuck here with us for a lil’ while.” He continued. 

Strider took the puppet, lil’ Cal, from him and set it back down on the couch. “Us Striders are too cool for guest rooms, so you’ll have the privilege of staying in my bedroom,” he said as he led Karkat further into the apartment. 

The room Karkat was led into was messy as well, but thankfully there were no puppets. It’s not that he was afraid of puppets, they were just kind of unnerving, especially that one named lil’ Cal. He could have sworn that the puppet’s eyes were following him. 

Dead things preserved in glass jars lined the shelves of the room and some kind of mechanical equipment stacked upon cinder blocks. “What the hell is that?” Karkat asked as he set down his luggage, pointing towards the equipment.

“Oh this? It is just a machine I built that controls time.” Dave responded nonchalantly. Karkat just glared at him. He had no idea what the machine was for, but he knew enough to know when someone was bullshitting him. “Damn, you have no sense of humor. They are my turntables, man. I use them to make sick nasty beats.” He finally relented.

Wires snaked across the floor of the room. Some connected to the turntables, others ran to a computer sat upon a desk. Shoved in the very corner laid an unmade bed. The bedsheet had quadrant patterns on it. The flushed, ashen, pale, and pitch signs were printed on the blanket. That was odd, Karkat thought that humans didn’t have quadrants. On top of that, why would you print out the quadrant signs on a blanket? The walls were lined with dumb posters of robots and green figures. 

“This whole thing was kind of on short notice, so there is only one bed and I’m so not down to share a bed. I’ll grab some shit for you so you can sleep on the floor.” Dave said as he rummaged through the closet for a sleeping bag. Karkat looked around the room, only to find no recuperacoon insight. This shitty day just got astronomically shittier. Dave made a triumphant sound and pulled out the sleeping bag. For normal humans, this would be a perfectly acceptable thing to sleep on, but trolls don’t work like that. 

Karkat just gave Dave a deadpan stare. “If you had even half of a brain cell, you’d know that trolls don’t fucking sleep on beds like humans do.” Karkat grumbled. 

“Oh. Yeah, ‘course I totally knew that. So, remind me again, what do trolls sleep on?” Dave said, slightly embarrassed at his fumble. Karkat sighed, this guy was impossible. 

“We sleep in recuperacoons, but seeing as that quite obviously isn’t a fucking option, I guess a pile would work for today.” He responded. The response only served to confuse Dave more. At this point Karkat was so tired he couldn’t even muster up the energy to be angry. Karkat rolled his eyes and stalked over to Dave’s closet to see if anything would make a sufficient pile. Dave tensed for a moment as Karkat opened up his closet, as if it was a private space for him. 

The closet was an absolute mess. Clothes were everywhere, along with other miscellaneous items. Did jugs of apple juice, bags of chips and bandages normally go in a closet? Hell if Karkat knew. He scooped up some of the shirts and pants and arranged them into a pile. Judging from how dark it was outside, it couldn’t have been past 7:30, but Karkat felt as though he was about to collapse due to lack of sleep.

He proceeded to bury himself in the pile. “This works for now. I’m fucking going to sleep.” Karkat groaned from beneath the t-shirts. He’d deal with his bags and this mess of a situation tomorrow.

“Yeah, cool, you do that.” Dave said awkwardly. Karkat wasn’t sure if Dave went to sleep as well after that because he immediately drifted off to sleep. 

…


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which a strange troll comes knocking on Dave's door. Shenanigans and tomfoolery ensue.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is about recent events from Dave's point of view. Tell me what you think! Comments are always appreciated! :3

Dave Strider didn’t move a muscle, he tried to stay as still as possible as to not scare off the crows that perched on his windowsill. His camera was raised and he fiddled with the settings, trying to fix the lighting of the shot. Just as he was about to take the picture when a series of bangs sounded from somewhere else in the house. The birds, predictably, flew off immediately. Dave jumped a few feet in the air in surprise. Bro was out of the house at the moment, and no one ever visited. 

He cautiously stepped out of the safety of his room to go investigate the sound. For a second Dave thought that maybe it was Bro, but quickly dismissed the idea, Bro was a silent ninja, there was no way he would ever make that much noise. The sound was coming from the front door. Jeez, why did the dude have to pound on the door like that? Couldn’t they just knock like a normal person? 

The entrance was opened to reveal a short troll. His hair was a mess, as if he didn’t know what a brush was and had tiny nubby horns. What the fuck? Not that Dave had anything against trolls or anything, but why would one come to his apartment? “Sorry, man, I’m not really interested in buying girl scout cookies.” He greeted.

“What the fuck? No, I’m not selling “scout girl cookies” or whatever you said, dumbass! I’m Karkat Vantas, you know, the troll you are supposed to be hosting? Is there anywhere in this gog forsaken hell hole that I can put my shit? I am tired as all hell and am about three seconds away from snapping someone’s neck.” The troll practically yelled. Oh god, what the fresh fuck was this bullshit? First this guy scared away the crows, now he has to deal with this mess? Not cool.

“Uh, dog, I think ya’ve got the wrong address, ‘cus the casa de Strider isn’t supposed to host anyone.” Dave informed, scratching the back of his head. The troll bristled and seemed to get even more irritated, if that was even possible. 

“Uh, “dog”, no I don’t. I’m supposed to stay with the Strider family, in their apartment on the thirteenth floor. Last time I fucking checked, this is apartment 4B on floor 13, and you are probably Dave fucking Strider.” Karkat argued, holding up a slip of paper. Dave grabbed the paper and looked over it. So this guy was an exchange student. Dave vaguely remembered the principal talking about something like that during an assembly. Dave sure as fuck didn’t sign up for this shit, so why was his name printed on here?

“Well shit man, I wasn’t informed about this whole hosting shtick. Are they really allowed to just drop bombshells on us like that? I mean give a dude some warning. Not cool, man. Also, when the fuck did we sign up to host a troll?” Dave said, the last part more to himself than to Karkat. Then the troll was shoving something into his hands.

“Hey, fuckstick, they did inform you, but some dumbass forgot to check the mail apparently.” He growled as I was startled back into reality. The letter was from the school, informing the Strider family that a troll would be arriving soon. Note to self: in the future, check the mail instead of leaving it in a pile outside of the apartment. Dave couldn’t just turn this dude away, first of all that wouldn’t be cool, and secondly, it was already pretty late. On the other hand, he didn’t really want to let some rando into his house. Fuck it. Dave opened the door the rest of the way, inviting Karkat inside.

“Okay, but I still think someone mixed something up.” Dave resigned. The one good thing was that Bro wasn’t here today. Dave shuddered at the thought of how that would have gone with Bro there. He was a rad dude, but sometimes he was too ironic to comprehend.

Karkat looked around the apartment appearing slightly bewildered “As you can see, my man, the casa de Strider isn’t really the best place for hostin’. Sit tight, I’mma call the principal to get this shit sorted.” Dave called as he left the room. 

He returned to his room to grab his ironically shitty phone and dialed the school’s number. It rang, once, twice, and then someone finally picked up. “Hello, how can I help you?” A polite voice answered. 

“Sup, it’s the one and only Dave Strider. Everything is rad over here, but I think someone messed some stuff up ‘cus some troll is at my house sayin’ that I’m supposed to be hosting him.” Dave responded.

“Nothing was messed up, Mr. Strider. I have the form here stating that you will be hosting a troll, signed by a Broderick Strider.” The principal clarified. Shit. Dave regularly forged Bro’s signature, because otherwise, nothing was ever going to get signed. Did.. did he accidentally sign the wrong form? It was a possibility because in all honesty, Dave didn’t pay attention to the forms he signed. Dave groaned. God damnit.

“Cool, cool, problem being that stuff’s changed and we can’t house the dude, can he stay somewhere else?” He asked.

“That is very unfortunate, however with such short notice, there are no other families available to host. We will look into alternative places for him to stay, but it may take a while.” Informed the principal. Of fucking course, just his luck.

“Yeah I guess I could do that…” Dave replied before saying his goodbyes and hanging up. This was definitely going to go well. Dave didn’t even want to think about how Bro would react when he found out that a troll was staying with them. At the thought of Bro, Dave looked around the room, slightly paranoid that Bro was hiding in one of the shadows waiting to jump out. Thankfully, nothing was there. He was completely alone. But that didn’t stop him from keeping his guard up. 

Dave returned to the living room and approached Karkat from behind. When Dave saw what he was holding, his blood ran cold. It was lil’ Cal. Lil’ Cal was awesome, but something about him was deeply unsettling. Although he would never admit it, he kind of hated the doll, and couldn’t understand what Bro saw in it.

“Oh hey, I see you’ve met lil’ Cal.” Karkat immediately jumped and spun around. How had he not noticed Dave? It wasn’t like he was trying to be quiet or anything. How someone so unobservant managed to survive astounded Dave. If he was like that, Bro probably would have run him through with his sword a long time ago. 

“So the principal was all like “the dude gots to stay there because there aren’t any other families that can host him right now”, so you are stuck here with us for a lil’ while.” he told Karkat. Dave set lil’ Cal down before walking down the hallway towards his room. “Us Striders are too cool for guest rooms, so you’ll have the privilege of staying in my bedroom,” he called back to Karkat.

Karkat dropped his luggage on the floor of Dave’s room before curiously peering around. “What the hell is that?” he asked, motioning to Dave’s turntables.

“Oh this? It is just a machine I built that controls time.” Dave answered to an unamused Karkat. This guy seriously needed to take a chill pill. 

“Damn, you have no sense of humor. They are my turntables, man. I use them to make sick nasty beats.” Dave added. This was the point where Dave realized that there was only one bed. No way in hell was he going to share a bed with some random dude he just met. Sucks to be him, but the dude’s got to sleep on the floor.

“This whole thing was kind of on short notice, so there is only one bed and I’m so not down to share a bed. I’ll grab some shit for you so you can sleep on the floor.” Dave told Karkat as he shuffled through the closet, trying to find his old sleeping bag. It took him a while to find it, what with all of the clutter in his closet. He dragged it out and set it down. 

Karkat just kind of glared at Dave. What was this dude’s problem? Dave wasn’t going to give up his bed for him and there wasn’t a spare mattress. “If you had even half of a brain cell, you’d know that trolls don’t fucking sleep on beds like humans do.” The troll informed. Whoops. 

“Oh. Yeah, ‘course I totally knew that. So, remind me again, what do trolls sleep on?” Dave stuttered out. He completely remembered that, no way would a smart cool kid like him forget something that basic. 

“We sleep in recuperacoons, but seeing as that quite obviously isn’t a fucking option, I guess a pile would work for today.” Karkat informed. What in the fresh fuck was a recuperacoon? And Dave wasn’t entirely sure what a pile was supposed to be made of either. Karkat just sighed at how hopeless Dave was and began to look through his closet. Dave became a little nervous as Karkat dug through the closet. He didn’t really like other people touching his stuff, and the closet was the one place where he could hide all of his things from Bro. 

Karkat pushed the majority of clothes laying on the floor of the closet into the corner and burrowed himself into it. “This works for now. I’m fucking going to sleep.” He called out to Dave. There was no way that could be more comfortable than a sleeping bag, but he let it go.

“Yeah, cool, you do that.” Dave responded, and pretty much immediately after, the dude fell asleep. Dave figured he should probably get his ass in bed as well, so he reluctantly turned off the lights and slunk over to the mattress. He hated the dark, it left him vulnerable, but he couldn’t exactly leave the lights on indefinitely either. 

He stared up at the ceiling, and inky darkness stared down at him. He drifted off after a few hours of staring into the abyss, only to be jerked awake soon after by the sound of a bird crowing. This was going to be a long night. 

…

The early morning rays filtered through the window, the dim light making the shadows stretch impossibly long. The sound of something moving startled Dave upright, his hand on the shitty sword he kept next to his bed to defend himself. The room seemed too small, and the walls felt like they were closing in. Dave readied himself, prepared for attackers to spring from the shadows. But nothing came. 

It took him a few panicked moments to realize the sound came from his closet. Shit! Shit, shit, fuck no! Dave scrambled up and ran across the room to his closet, prepared to fight. Why would Bro be going through his closet?! He had always left it alone before! 

He burst into the small closet, prepared to defend his supplies, only to find a groggy troll peeking up at him. “What the shit, fuckstick?” The troll grumbled. Relief washed through Dave. He was fine, Bro hadn’t come to take his stash of food or attack him. No strife notes were attached to his door, and lil’ Cal was nowhere in sight. He was safe. 

Memories from the night before flooded his mind. Dave was annoyed, but it was better than Bro initiating another rooftop strife. “My bad, man. Thought a vicious raccoon got into my closet. Those fuckers get everywhere, ya know?” He rambled.

Karkat squinted. “No, I don’t know. Since when could raccoons get into the thirteenth floor of a building?” He questioned.

“It’s totally a thing. Raccoons can climb up walls like spiders. You haven’t seen them before?” Dave replied in mock surprise. Karkat seemed kind of frightened at this. Holy shit did he actually believe Dave?

“Really? Holy shit! We learned about these “raccoon” things back in Alternia in preparation for our journey here, but they never said the beasts could do that!” Karkat exclaimed, now wide awake. Oh boy this was going to be fun.

“Yeah man, you really gotta watch out, they will cut off your entire hand with one bite. Thousands of people die per year because of raccoons, it is a serious issue.” He lamented gravely. Karkat’s eyes widened, he ate the lie right up. 

“Oh my god! I think there’s one right there!” Dave blurted, pointing behind Karkat. Karkat let out a girly shriek and immediately jumped up. He bolted out of the closet, only stopping once he was safely behind Dave. Dave could barely contain his laughter.

“Wait there are no raccoons in here!” Karkat spluttered. At this point, Dave couldn’t hold it anymore and broke out laughing. Karkat looked surprised at first, then when he realized that he had been tricked, his expression morphed into one of anger. 

“What the fuck is wrong with you?! Has your brain been infected with some incurable disease that turns all of your thoughts into nonsensical bullshit? I can’t believe that I wasted the past five minutes of my life listening to you trying, and failing, to string words together in hopes of creating something that makes some semblance of sense! A fucking load gaper is smarter than you!” Karkat began ranting, which only served to make Dave laugh even more uncontrollably. 

He attempted to get his laughter under control in order to stutter out “W-what in the world is a “load gaper”?” Karkat continued to curse and rave endlessly until they both tired themselves out. 

...

“C’mon, let’s go get breakfast. I want to see what you think of McDonald’s.” Dave mused as he pulled himself up. He reached into the closet and grabbed out a handful of money that was then stuffed into his pocket. Dave didn’t go out to eat very often, mostly surviving off of Doritos and apple juice, but this was a special occasion. 

“What’s McDonald’s?”

“You don’t know what McDonald’s is? Well it’s this huge corporation run by the evil clown Ronald McDonald…”


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which things get a little better before they get much worse.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Be warned, the latter half of this chapter is about Bro and Dave having a strife on the rooftop. If you are sensitive to that kind of thing, you might want to skip it. I don't think it is that descriptive, but I figured I should put a warning just in case.

Thankfully the restaurant wasn’t too far from the apartment, otherwise, Karkat would have melted into a puddle. The scorching sun that shone down from above hurt his eyes and made him sweat. Dave and Karkat turned another street corner and a red and yellow building came into view. Perched on the roof of the establishment was a sign that said McDonald’s. 

Karkat immediately perked up at the sight of the establishment, were they finally there? “Strider! Is that it?!” He exclaimed, pointing towards the building. 

“Yeah man, that’s it. The one, the only, MceeDee’s.” He replied with a small smile on his face. Strider seemed amused at his excitement. In response to this, Karkat just kind of glared at him. It was perfectly reasonable to be excited about getting out of the gogdamn heat and eating something.

As the door was opened, a cool wave of air conditioning washed over Karkat. However, that was pretty much the only nice thing about the restaurant. It felt like all of the surfaces were covered in grease and kids were screaming and running around. Strider turned to him with a shit-eating grin plastered on his face. “What do you think?”

“I think that I’m done dealing with your bullshit and just want to fucking eat something.” Karkat growled back. 

“Can’t argue with that.” He replied before walking over to stand in one of the lines. “Whatcha want to eat?” 

Karkat stared up at the board skeptically, not recognizing any of the foods on it. What in the world were chicken nuggets? He searched the board for something familiar but found nothing. Gog fucking damnit, why didn’t they have any Alternian food. It wasn’t like trolls were a rare sight on Earth, they should really think about expanding their menu. 

“I have no fucking idea what any of this shit is, Strider. Just get me whatever.” Karkat scowled. Strider gave him a thumbs up.

“Why don’t you go find a place to sit.” He suggested. That would probably be a good idea. Karkat turned and began to glumly search for a table. Most of the tables were filled with families and obnoxious kids, but he quickly spotted an empty table. Karkat clambered over to the table, relieved that he found a table so easily. He was right about to sit down before he noticed someone had spilled some kind of grub cream on the seat and ketchup on the table. Gog damnit if people insisted on making a mess, the least they should do is clean it up.

This is why Karkat hated humans sometimes. He spun around and marched off to find a different table, only to find that the new table was a mess as well. That went on for a while, with one having trash and empty cups all over it, and another with a spilled drink on it. Finally, Karkat found an empty table without food or drink spilled on it, for the most part. It was pretty much the cleanest table in the establishment, but it still had some mustard spilled in the corner. This place was a bigger mess than Gamzee’s hive, and that was saying something. 

By the time he had found a decent place to sit, Strider had finished getting the food and joined Karkat at the table. A red and yellow shaped box with a smiley face on it was plopped down in front of him. “Bam, I bought you a happy meal, now cheer up Crabface.” Strider cackled, already stuffing his face with food. 

Karkat ripped open the box only to find more foreign foods and a small plastic crab. He inspected the toy with a confused expression. “Why the hell is there a tiny plastic crab with my food? Is this some weird-ass human tradition?”

“Nah man, shitty plastic toys don’t normally come with food, but I got you a happy meal. A small toy comes with each time you get a happy meal. It’s fucking rad, man.” He replied around a mouthful of food. Karkat immediately fell in loved the toy, something about it reminded him of his lusus. He decided to tuck the toy away in one of his pockets, to keep it safe. Karkat looked back at the food. 

There was something wrapped on a thin layer of plastic-y paper, a box filled with yellow sticks, and a bottle with an amber-colored liquid inside of it. “What is this shit?” Karkat asked curiously.

Strider pointed toward the thing wrapped in the plastic-y paper, “That’s a hamburger, those are french fries, and there is apple juice inside of the bottle.” Huh, humans had the weirdest names for food. Karkat bit into the “hamburger”, as Strider called it. He chewed thoughtfully, it tasted like ass. Just then, Strider broke out laughing from across the table.

“What the shit man! You aren’t supposed to eat the fuckin’ wrapper!” He snickered. Karkat’s face turned bright red.

“How was I supposed to know! You humans have the most backwards customs ever! It’s like a fucking wiggler came up with your bullshit traditions!” Karkat shouted indignantly as he peeled off the wrapper. He took a second bite, huh, it wasn’t that bad. A little greasy, and grubloaf was far superior, but not that bad. He picked up one of the “french fries” and stuffed it into his mouth. Damn, those were decent as well, if not a tad salty. 

Karkat grabbed up the bottle and took a swig. It was mediocre, and essentially tasted like water with a shit ton of sugar and chemicals in it, but he was parched because of the heat, so he drank it all.

“What’d ya think?” Strider asked after Karkat finished gobbling down all of the food.

“It was passable for the most part. But the “apple juice” was fucking dumb. It was just colored water!” He huffed. Strider seemed offended about the apple juice part, and broke off into a rant.

“No way man, apple juice is the shit. It’s hella awesome. Like seriously, it’s so amazing it should win a fucking award. Apple juice should win all the awards. People will be like “what, that’s not fair man, I wanted an award!” but they won’t win an award, because there is no way anyone or anything could be better than apple juice…” This was around the part where Karkat stopped listening, Strider was talking more to himself than to Karkat at this point. 

“Would you shut your chagrin tunnel for one fucking second? Or do you just love the sound of your voice so much that if you don’t hear it every second of every day your brain will explode?” he growled, snapping Strider out of his rambling. 

“Aw, Karkles, don’t pretend you don’t love hearing the sound of my voice.” Strider pouted. Holy fucking shit, Karkat didn’t know it was possible to platonically hate someone this damn much. 

“What the hell did you just call me?!” Karkat screeched at him. 

“What you don’t like your new nickname, short stuff?” At this point, Karkat was fuming and was about three seconds away from punching Strider’s stupid sunglasses off of his face. He probably would have as well if Strider hadn’t leaped up and run off grinning like a mad man. 

“I swear to god, Strider!” Karkat shrieked as he jumped up and chased after him. 

They spent the rest of the day wandering around the city messing with each other. The sun was going down and the street lamps began to turn on when they got back to the apartment. The two raced up the stairs, with Strider winning and Karkat horribly out of breath. The brightly colored puppets that littered the apartment were as unnerving as ever and they both collapsed in their beds when they reached Strider’s room. 

Strider flicked the lights off as Karkat settled in the depths of his pile. Darkness descended on the room as Strider slipped into his bed as well. “You know, you’re not as much of a douche as I initially thought. You’re still an asshole though.” Karkat confided.

“See? No one can resist the Strider charm.” He laughed back from somewhere in the room, which made Karkat groan.

“You know what? I take back everything I just said, you are a vomit-inducing, douchefucking shitclown. Fuck off and go to sleep.”

…

Thud! The sound jolted Dave out of his sleep as he lurched upright. At first he was optimistic and assumed that the sound came from Karkat, like the previous night, but he wasn’t that lucky. The bedroom door was opened to reveal a note rammed into the door, with a bat knife keeping it in place. Strife. Roof. Now. Bring Cal. It’s happening man. 

The words sent an ominous chill down his spine, it seemed like Bro had finally returned. His mind went into autopilot as Dave returned to his room to retrieve one of the shitty swords hung from the wall. The door was shut, and lil’ Cal sat on the kitchen counter, glaring at Dave. He shoved down his unease as the puppet was picked up.

The twisting stairs stood in front of Dave. The heat made his clothes stick to his skin uncomfortably and his heart was pumping unnaturally fast. All too quickly, he arrived at the door leading to the roof. He didn’t want to go, but he had no choice. Waiting only made it worse. 

He reached for the handle, and opened the door. Bro stood across the roof, his back turned. Dave knew from experience that it was impossible to sneak up on him. Lil’ Cal was dropped on the floor and the shitty sword was unsheathed. 

Before he could make a move or even register what happened, Bro was upon him. He must have flash stepped across the roof. Dave hadn’t even seen him move. The sound of metal clashing filled Dave’s ears. Dave’s sword was swung, only to be blocked. None of his blows ever connected.

Bro vanished, with lil’ Cal reappearing in his place. Out of the corner of his eye, Dave spotted the shadow of Bro as he flashstepped around the roof. Dave was only distracted for a split second, but that was all of the time that Bro needed. He was kicked to the floor, gravel digging into him. There was no time to rest, and he was back up in an instant. Bro proceeded to fling Dave around the roof using lil’ Cal. He attempted to defend himself in vain until Bro got bored.

Bro was in front of Dave once again. Dave jumped at him, his sword raised high, only for Bro to flashstep away. This cycle repeated for a while. A shadow loomed behind Dave, and too late Dave realized that he was chasing Bro’s afterimage. He didn’t have enough time to react. Dave was lobbed across the roof, before skidding to a stop in the gravel. Exhausted from the heat and the intensity of the strife, Dave didn’t have the energy to get back up. 

Bro looked disappointed with Dave before he absconded, taking lil’ Cal with him. At least, that’s how Dave thought he looked. Bro was always so ironically stoic that Dave could never read his emotions. Dave lay there for a few moments, unable to muster up the will to move. 

Dave couldn’t just sit there forever. He lugged himself up and trudged back to the apartment. Bro was nowhere to be seen. Again. Dave dragged himself to the bathroom to clean up. It wasn’t until he looked in the mirror that he realized he was bleeding. Blood dripped from the cuts and where the gravel had dug into his skin. After the strifes, Dave always felt detached from the world, like he was dreaming. Everything went too quickly and the sounds were too loud. The first aid kit that Dave hid behind the toilet was pulled out, as he began to extract the gravel and bandage his wounds. 

A knock from the door immediately put him on edge. What the hell? Bro always left him alone after a strife. “Dave? Are you in there, fuckstick? I woke up and you were gone.” Karkat’s grouchy voice sounded from behind the door. He sounded sleepy, like he just woke up. Dave looked out of the small window in the bathroom to realize that it couldn’t have been any later than 6:30 in the morning. 

“Yeah, I’m all good, just having a rad bowel movement.” Dave responded. He couldn’t let Karkat know what was going on with his Bro. He didn’t want to drag Karkat into all of that bullshit, it wouldn’t be fair to the little dude. If he was in a strife, he wouldn’t even last two minutes. On top of that, if Dave told him, Karkat would probably report it to child protective services, and Dave didn’t really feel like going into foster care today. He had heard the horror stories and decided he was better off staying with Bro long ago. Bro was his family, and he wouldn’t actually kill him or anything, right? He loved Dave, in his own, weird, ironic ways. Dave just wasn’t cool enough to understand the irony. 

“Of fucking course your stomach is fucked, Strider. This is what you get for chugging all of that apple juice.”

“Hey man! Don’t diss the AJ!” Dave defended. Karkat gave a little chuckle from the other side of the door.

“I’m going back to sleep now. If you are dying, feel free to come get me.” He said before the footsteps receded, and Dave heard his bedroom door close. Dave leaned his head against the wall and slumped down. He sat there for a few minutes, before he finished bandaging his wounds and returned to his room. Karkat had already fallen fast asleep again, and didn’t even stir when Dave opened the door. 

He went over to the dresser and pulled on one of his long-sleeved t-shirts. As weird as it was to wear a long sleeve shirt in Texas, it was better than letting everyone see the bandages covering his arms. Dave laid back in his bed, attempting to fit in a few more hours of fitful rest. The sounds of crows and distant traffic lulled him to sleep as his eyelids drooped.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Dave isn't feeling good

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for the comments and kudos! I really appreciate it, it helps motivate me a lot! :D

Something was wrong with Strider. It was nearly imperceptible, but there was something off in the way he acted. Most people wouldn’t have been able to tell the difference, but after being stuck living in the same room as the insufferable douche, Karkat had picked up on a few things. 

Karkat first noticed the changes a few days ago. Strider barely laughed or smiled and his face remained impassive. He was always a tad stoic, but there had always been some trace of emotion there. He stopped engaging in stupid arguments with Karkat and the way he spoke was blunt. 

On top of that, they stopped going out and adventuring. Instead, they stayed cooped up in Strider’s bedroom. He didn’t even venture out of the room to go to the meal block or to get food from the thermal hull. Karkat didn’t really understand why Strider stored food in the closet instead of the meal block, but went along with it, assuming it was some odd family tradition. Strider survived off of Doritos, Pop-tarts and Aj that he had stashed in the closet. He offered some of it to Karkat, who refused, as Karkat preferred to eat the grubloaf he had packed in his suitcase.

Karkat came to the conclusion that Strider was probably upset. He had no idea why, but was determined to help Strider return to his usual douchebag self. Karkat wasn’t sure what would help cheer him up, so he just decided to do something that always made him feel better; watching movies. After all, who didn’t love watching movies?

After careful deliberation of which movie to watch, Karkat decided to go with Good Luck Chuck. He had started watching human movies to become more acquainted with the culture when he stumbled upon that gem of a movie. Dane Cook was by far the most amazing actor he had ever seen.

Strider was laying in his bed, wearing the exact same pair of clothes he had worn for the past three days when Karkat emerged from his pile the closet. “Scoot over, you lumpy grubshitting jazzfuck, and pay attention. I’m about to show you the most amazing movie ever created, sit up and take notes on it’s magnificence.” He grumbled as he plopped himself on the bed. Strider rolled over to make space for Karkat on the bed.

“Aw man, Karkat, what is it this time?” He mumbled, facedown on the bed. 

Karkat propped the husktop up using some pillows. “I’m gracing you with high quality cinema.” Strider groaned in exasperation.

“Pay attention, you useless fuck. Eyes over here.” Karkat growled at him, as Strider’s face was still pressed into a pillow and he had made no move to change positions. There was no way Strider could fully appreciate the movie with his face pressed into a pillow. After some pestering, Strider reluctantly turned over so that he could see the movie.

At the beginning of the movie, Karkat glanced at Strider out of the corner of his eye every so often to gauge his reaction, but as soon as Dane Cook came onto the screen, Karkat was immersed. Strider was silent at the start, however halfway through the movie he began to express his hatred for Dane Cook. “Dude, Dane Cook is fucking hideous. Like I had never really noticed before, but god damn his face is just so hate-able. Jesus Christ I hope someone tells this man that he should stop making movies.” Strider jeered. 

“Shut your ignorance tunnel, Strider! For a human, Dane Cook has a brilliant comedic mind!” Karkat defended.

“I swear to god you’re doing this just to piss me off. There is no way in hell anyone could genuinely think that this movie is good. Dane Cook is like a crappy version of Ben Stiller mixed with an even crappier version of Jim Carey. Which is kind of odd to think about, because those guys are crappier versions of some other dude that I’m too lazy to think of.” Even though his opinions were trash, Karkat was kind of relieved that Strider seemed to slowly be getting back to his usual state of assholery. Although he would never admit it even if his life depended on it, he had been worried about the fucker.

They spent the rest of the movie bickering, and all too soon the credits were rolling. Had it seriously been an hour and forty minutes? The movie had ended, but Karkat didn’t want to leave. He was having fun with Strider and didn’t want the moment to end. “Okay man, if Alternia is so much better, play one of your weird alien movies.” Hell yes, time to school this assbitching grubshitting fuckup in the ways of classic cinema. 

Karkat fiddled around on his husktop for a few minutes before pulling up another one of his favorites, Hitch. He had a poster of the movie back in his old respiteblock in Alternia. Karkat felt a pang of homesickness at the thought of his old home. The movie began playing, and as soon as Will Smith came onto the screen Strider blurted “What the fuck?”

Karkat turned to him in confusion “What the hell is wrong this time? Seriously why can’t you just sit still for five goddamned minutes?”

“Holy shit, is that a troll version of Will Smith? Please tell me a troll version of Will Smith exists.” He exclaimed.

“Of course there is a troll version of Will Smith. Is there a human version of Will Smith?” Karkat inquired.

“Of all the people in the universe to have a troll doppelgänger, of course it was Will Smith. Who else would it be? Let me guess, they have a troll Fresh Prince of Bel Air as well?”

“The Alternian version is called the Thresh Prince of Bel-Air and is clearly superior.” He bragged in response. 

“No way in hell it is better than our version. As soon as this finishes playing, we are so watching troll Fresh Prince of Bel-Air so I can prove how wrong you are.” Strider scoffed in response.

…

Ever since the strife, Dave felt like he was watching his life from the other side of a glass wall, like it was a dream or something. At times, hours felt like minutes and seconds felt like days. Time felt distorted and he felt like someone else was controlling him like a puppet. 

This happened nearly every time that Bro initiated a strife. First the nervousness leading up to the strife, then the pain when he was in the middle of the strife, and finally came the numbness and detachment after the strife had ended. Sometimes the odd feeling lasted for hours, and other times it lasted for weeks. 

The worst part of it were the thoughts that invaded his mind and refused to leave his mind. He thought about how he wasn’t good enough, and how he would never be good enough. Dave would never amount to anything and constantly let down those around him. Dave wasn’t a hero, and no matter how hard he tried, he would never become one. 

The most disturbing things popped into his head out of seemingly nowhere. They were violent, cruel thoughts. Fantasies about hurting or killing Bro or himself plagued him relentlessly. Dave had no intention to act on any of the thoughts, he would never actually do that. It was just a random thought that had popped into his head. That didn’t stop some small part of his brain from fearing that some part of him actually wanted to do it, and that’s why the thought wouldn’t leave him alone.

Was he going crazy? Was he dead and in some kind of purgatory? What if he had accidentally died in one of the strifes and was a ghost? Dave fretted over these issues endlessly. Why was he here? How did he exist? Is existence even real to begin with, or is it all one big dream?

With the layer of fog clouding his consciousness, Dave couldn’t really muster up the energy to go out and explore. He mostly just laid in his room, occasionally fiddling with his turntables, but giving up soon after he sat down. The world seemed artificial and the colors were too bright. 

Even with all of the strange things going on with him, he didn’t show it on the outside. Dave appeared perfectly normal and no one had been able to tell the difference before, that was until Karkat. He didn’t really know the extent of the problem, but he recognized that something was amiss with Dave. 

After a few days, Karkat jumped onto Dave’s bed, startling him. “Scoot over, you lumpy grubshitting jazzfuck, and pay attention. I’m about to show you the most amazing movie ever created, sit up and take notes on its magnificence.” Karkat growled. Dave didn’t care enough to sit up, so he just turned on his side.

“Aw man, Karkat, what is it this time?” His voice was muffled due to laying facedown on the bed, but that wasn’t about to stop him. 

“I’m gracing you with high-quality cinema.” Karkat said as he put some weird kind of alien technology that looked like a laptop on the bed. Dave sighed, this was going to be interesting.

“Pay attention, you useless fuck. Eyes over here.” Karkat snapped, as Dave refused to remove his face from the pillow. Karkat persisted, and eventually Dave gave up and rolled over. 

Dave noticed Karkat glancing at him once in a while at the beginning of the movie, but soon stopped as the plot kicked in. Dave soon became engaged in the movie as well. It worked surprisingly well at refocusing his mind, and soon his violent and self-deprecating thoughts began to fade away. 

“Dude, Dane Cook is fucking hideous. Like I had never really noticed before, but god damn his face is just so hate-able. Jesus Christ I hope someone tells this man that he should stop making movies.” Dave teased.

“Shut your ignorance tunnel, Strider! For a human, Dane Cook has a brilliant comedic mind!” Karkat screeched back at Dave. Oh it was on. He was so going to prove this windbag wrong. 

“I swear to god you’re doing this just to piss me off. There is no way in hell anyone could genuinely think that this movie is good. Dane Cook is like a crappy version of Ben Stiller mixed with an even crappier version of Jim Carey. Which is kind of odd to think about, because those guys are crappier versions of some other dude that I’m too lazy to think of.” Dave rambled. 

They continued to argue good-naturedly, and soon the movie had ended. The fog that had obstructed Dave’s mind had cleared, and he felt like his usual amazing self once again. Messing with Karkat was too much fun to pass up, and it would be a shame for the movie night to end there. 

“Okay man, if Alternia is so much better, play one of your weird alien movies.” Dave goaded. Karkat seemed excited at the prospect and immediately began to set up another movie. 

...


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Texas is hot as shit so they go to the pool

The sun shone into the room at its full intensity. Even with the fan whirring at full blast, the heat was still sweltering. Karkat was sweating bullets in his gray wool turtleneck. Why he insisted on wearing a thick sweater in the middle of summer in Texas, Dave would never understand. Dave was wearing a long-sleeved shirt as well, but he was used to the blistering temperatures.

Karkat laid splayed out on the floor, fanning himself lazily while Dave sat at his turntables. Sweat made his hands clammy and the records gross. Dave tried to glide his hands across the records as he usually did, but found that he couldn’t. The sweat had made the records sticky, his hands felt like they were glued to them. This was so not gonna fly. 

Brilliance struck Dave like a lightning bolt. “Karkles, I have like the best idea ever. I’m the next Albert Einstein, that’s just how brilliant this idea is. They’re going to dissect my brain after I die to try and figure out how I’m so smart-” Dave began rambling excitedly before Karkat interrupted him.

“Can you just get to the gog forsaken point, Strider, before this planet’s stupidly hot sun burns us all to a crisp.” Karkat grumbled. 

“We gotta go to the pool, man. It’ll be awesome and cold.” Dave replied, as he stood up and stretched. 

“What is a pool?” Karkat asked curiously. Did they not have pools on Alternia? Karkat always boasted about how the planet was amazing, but honestly it didn’t seem like all that. C’mon man, what kind of planet doesn’t have a pool?

“Hmm, I think it’s best if we leave it as a surprise. I’m gonna go out on a limb and assume ya don’t own a bathing suit, so you can borrow one of mine.” Dave mused. Karkat was shorter than Dave, but the bathing suit should still fit him.

It had been forever since Dave had last been to the pool, so it took him a while to find his bathing suit. An hour and one upturned closet later, he found the swim trunks buried underneath some apple juice. He grabbed the red pair for himself, and chucked a grey pair at Karkat. When Karkat tried to grab them, they sailed through his hands and became tangled up in his nubby horns. 

“What the hell, Strider?! Give a dude some warning before you just throw something at his face!” He screeched and attempted to untangle the swim trunks from his head. Dave laughed at Karkat’s futile attempts to dislodge the clothing item from his head. His hair was ruffled and sticking out at odd angles after he finally got it off. Karkat’s horns were buried under his mess of hair, leaving only the very tops were visible.

…

The pool was a little far from the house, so Dave decided that taking the train was probably the fastest option. The train was mad disgusting, like all public transport. Gum was stuck to the seats and graffiti was on the walls. Dirt coated all surfaces and mold hung in the air. The quiet rumble of the train and mumbles of distant conversation filled the air as the train chugged along. 

The train car was sparsely populated, with only four or five other people there, so finding a seat was easy enough. Karkat seemed a tad nervous on the train, as it had probably been his first time riding one. Eventually he calmed down and peeked out of the window with curiosity, becoming entranced with the buildings flying by. Dave gazed at Karkat with a small smile on his face. The way Karkat glared out the window with such steadfast concentration was adorable. Uh, by adorable Dave meant interesting. He definitely didn’t think Karkat’s hair and angry rants were cute, because that would be hella gay. Dave was not gay. Striders were not gay. 

Soon enough, the train halted, and speakers announced their station. Time to head out. A bustling crowd is waiting to board the train outside of the doors, so Dave grabbed Karkat’s hand to make sure they weren’t separated. Karkat’s hands were warm and kind of sweaty, but he didn’t really mind. The doors whooshed open and the crowd began to push in as the two made their way out of the station. He found himself holding onto Karkat’s hands for longer than necessary, and neither said anything about it. 

After a short walk, they reached a gray building. Dave handed a few crumpled bills to a bored-looking teenager, paying the entrance fee for himself and Karkat. They entered a room with a few dingy stalls, and Dave reached into his backpack to retrieve the swim trunks. “Heads up, dude.” Dave called, intending to toss the shorts to Karkat.

“Strider you better not be thinking about throwing those shorts, unless you want to lose a hand.” Karkat bellowed with a piercing glare. Okay then, guess he wouldn’t be throwing the shorts. He liked his hands the way they were, thank you very much. 

“Jeez, crabkat, calm down.” Dave replied, handing off the shorts before entering one of the stalls and switching into his swimsuit, stuffing his normal clothes into the bottom of his bag. His signature shades remained on his face, no way was he taking those off. Dave would probably shower with them as well if he thought he could. He left the stall and was met with the sight of Karkat in the grey swim trunks. the swim trunks went down below his knees, Jesus christ, they were huge on him. Dave snorted and Karkat growled at him. He was about to make a comment before Karkat lobbed his normal clothes at Dave. 

“Not a word. Not. A. Single. Word. Strider.” Karkat seethed and stormed off to the pool. The door was opened and the sun burst into the room, illuminating everything and making Karkat squint. As his eyes adjusted, a mild wave of panic washed over him. The pond of water that stood in front of him made him scan the area for vicious sea dwellers. The door was slammed shut with a loud bang that echoed through the room. “You good?” Dave asked, slightly alarmed by Karkat’s actions.

“Why didn’t you tell me we were going to a sea dweller habitat?” Karkat raged. Dave could tell that he wasn’t really angry, he was just masking his fear with a layer of fury. 

“Dude, there aren’t any sea dwellers or whatever, what are you talking about?” Dave puzzled. What was Karkat going off about this time?

“Listen up, I’m only going to explain this once. On Alternia, if you go anywhere near water, you are practically begging for a sea dweller to come up an cull you. If you don’t feel like dying, you stay the hell away from water.” Karkat snarled, pacing back and forth. Shit. That would explain a few things. Dave made a mental note to learn more about troll culture, because as it stood, he didn’t know jack shit about it. Guess that’s what happens when you skip half of your classes and don’t pay attention to a single word in the rest. 

“But this isn’t Alternia. There aren’t any sea dwellers, and no one is going to cull you.” Dave attempted to comfort, but just ended up sounding stoic and blunt. Nice going, genius. He scrambled to think of something that would assume Karkat the pool was safe. 

“Look, I’ll go out there first to prove that no one is gonna jump out and kill you, if it makes you feel any better.” Dave suggested, and began to open the door. Karkat grabbed his arm in alarm, his face contorted with worry. Dave gave him a small smile he hoped was reassuring, and opened the door the rest of the way before striding out into the warm sun. No mermaids or fish fuckers popped out to murder him, so he gave Karkat a thumbs up. 

Karkat looked like he was debating something, and all of the sudden he burst out of the room, running over to join Dave. He looked a little proud of himself for mustering up the courage to leave the building and join Dave out in the open. 

Even though Karkat had managed to squash down his fear and exit the safety of the building, the big pool was obviously not an option. The bottomless water was terrifying to Karkat, and the troll didn’t know how to swim. They ventured over to the kiddy pools instead, which were shallow enough that they wouldn’t freak Karkat out. 

Dave ran right into the pool, and was shocked by the cold water. At the same time, it was nice to be rid of the horrid heat. Karkat stood reluctantly at the side, before abandoning caution and cannonballing into the water, splashing water in all directions. “Oh it’s on, dude!” Dave laughed, and began splashing Karkat in revenge for cannonballing. Karkat began throwing water back, and soon enough the two had a full-on water fight. Dave was relieved to see the nervousness began to slowly drain out of Karkat as the two messed around. 

The parents tending to their annoying kids nearby gave them rude looks. C’mon dude, no need to be an asshole. It’s not like they were splashing the precious snobby children. After a while, one of the parents approached the two. The woman was middle-aged, and looked like she was the type of person that wanted to speak to the manager. “Excuse me sweetie, but this pool is for kids. You are making a scene, if you want to be hooligans, why don’t you do it elsewhere, m’kay?” She sneered at them.

Dave and Karkat ended their water fight as soon as she came over, and Karkat was looking around awkwardly and an ashamed blush spread across his face. Did this lady really hate her life so much that she needed to go around and suck the joy from everyone else’s as well? Dave stared impassively at the lady for a few seconds, not saying a word. All at once, a horrible idea popped into his head, and he sent a wave of water her way, completely soaking her. Mascara ran down her face and her hair stuck to her head. 

Everyone froze for a moment, before Karkat let out a little snort. The silence broke and the woman let out an outraged gasp. “How dare you! Security! Make this man leave, right this instance!” She screamed. A tired security guard that clearly didn’t get paid enough came over.

“Sorry man, splashing random people like that isn’t really allowed. You can either stop or leave.” the guard said to Dave, clearly done with the woman. Dave weighed his options for a moment, before deciding to splash the woman again. They were then escorted out by the guard and followed by the angry shouts of the woman, but Karkat’s laughter made it completely worth it. If he had the choice, he would do it again.

“Oh my god, Strider! Did you see her face! It looked like her bloodpusher was about to explode!” Karkat cackled maniacally as he toweled himself off. 

Dave grinned, changing into his normal clothes as well. “That’s what you get for messing with the resident cool kid.” They laughed about the situation the whole way back, and collapsed exhausted when they got back to the apartment. Dave’s pale skin had turned an angry shade of red, but thankfully Karkat seemed okay. That’s what Dave gets for forgetting to put on sunscreen in Texas.

Dave ordered pizza and the two settled down to watch a movie before peacefully drifting off to sleep. Hanging out with Karkat like this was fun, and he kind of wished that the moment never ended. Of course he would never admit that to anyone, he had a reputation to uphold after all. That didn’t stop him from lazily laying his head on Karkat’s shoulder while the movie played. 

…


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Karkat is homesick

Ever since they had gone to the pool, Karkat couldn’t stop thinking about Alternia. Although the place had been cutthroat and brutal at times, it was his home. Karkat would often zone out thinking about everything he had left behind.

He was especially worried about his lusus. It was cantankerous and Karkat often had to fight with it to get it to calm down, but his lusus always did what was best for him. It had protected Karkat and looked after him even though he was a mutant. Karkat hoped it was doing okay. 

There was no way anyone would be able to take down that crabby bastard. That thing was tough as all hell and a stubborn bastard. It was probably roaming around Alternia screeching at trolls and generally being a pain in the ass. He wondered if it missed him as much as he missed it. 

He missed his hive. Karkat had spent so long designing his it, and although it wasn’t as fancy as Vriska’s or as big as Feferi’s, he loved it. It was just the right size for him and his lusus to live comfortably and it made Karkat feel safe. 

Karkat had needed to leave all of his posters and the majority of his rom-coms behind as well. Human romance was decent, but it was lacking compared to troll romance. It wasn’t the same as watching an Alternian rom-com. 

Earth didn’t have recuperacoons like Alternia did, so Karkat had been sleeping in a pile instead. He had slowly been getting used to it, but sleep had been fleeting. The pile wasn’t very big, so there wasn’t much cushioning between him and the floor. What he wouldn’t give to be able to sleep in suporslime again. 

Karkat knew that nostalgia was making him see everything through rose-tinted glasses, but that didn’t help combat the homesickness. He sorely missed hearing the shrieks of his lusus. Every morning he would wake up, expecting it to burst into the room screeching affectionately. And every morning, his spirits fell when he remembered where he was. 

That’s not to say that staying with Strider was bad. He was a weird person, even by human standards, but he was nice under all of that douchebaggery. All things considered, Karkat was glad that he ended up staying with him. Even though Karkat had tons of friends on trollian, he didn’t have anyone he could hang out with in real life on Alternia. Strider was infuriating, but he had fun hanging out with the asshole. 

Regardless, he couldn’t help but let it affect his mood. Karkat began acting grumpier than usual and Strider caught on quick. He broke into the closet where Karkat was re-watching the Thresh Prince of Bel Air in his pile for the sixth time. “C’mon crabkat, we have a big day ahead of us. No time for sittin’ around. Up and at em’!” Strider pestered, tugging Karkat out of the pile. What was this boneheaded moronic slug planning this time?

Karkat growled “What do you want, Strider? Don’t you see I’m too busy for this bullshit today?” Strider just ignored him and pushed him down the hallway towards the door. 

“You can do that when we get back. Trust me short stack, it’ll be fun. When have I ever let you down?” He grinned. Karkat didn’t trust Strider’s definition of fun on principle, so this made him slightly worried. Knowing him, Strider was probably taking him to strife with evil dictator Juggalos atop the white house to free the USA from their tyrant reign or some clownfuckery like that. Also, what was with the nicknames? He wasn’t that short! He was average height, and Strider was abnormally tall. 

Karkat was about to refute Strider, but wasn’t given the chance as he was tugged out of the apartment and down the stairs. “Where are we going?” Karkat growled. If Strider was going to force him to end his Thresh Prince marathon, it had better be for something good.

“It’s a surprise. You’ll see.” Great, more cryptic bullshit, because that is exactly what he needed. Honestly, Karkat didn’t know what he expected, this was typical Strider behavior. 

They got outside, and Karkat realized that it was the middle of the night. Holy shit, he had fallen into a wormhole while binge watching movies. Karkat remembered beginning his marathon his morning, and he hadn’t moved from the pile since he started. On top of that, why was Strider dragging him out in the middle of the night?

“I swear to god if you are hauling me out in the middle of the night to murder me, can we cut the extra steps and end my suffering now?” Karkat grumbled. 

“Nah man, I’m not gonna murder you. As I said, it’s a surprise and you’re gonna have to trust me on this one.” Strider replied. Karkat had been joking about the whole “being murdered” part, but now he was genuinely worried. Had Strider really dragged him out of the house to commit the most cliche murder of all time? Now that he thought about it, that would fit Strider’s irony shtick. 

“Strider, I am warning you now, if I die I will haunt you for the rest of your pathetically useless life. I will watch you every hour of every day, making you as uncomfortable as possible. Every chance I get to make your life just a little bit worse I will take.” Karkat threatened.

“Calm your nubs, dude! I already told you I wasn’t down for murder.” Strider defended himself. They talked and joked around for a little bit after that, and boarded a train. Karkat zoned out for the rest of the journey and the two traveled in comfortable silence. It took a while for them to get where ever Strider was leading. 

“Here we are.” Strider said, snapping him out of his daze. Karkat looked up to see an oddly shaped building. It was white and short, unlike the skyscrapers typical of Houston. The building was dome-shaped and the lights were off. It looked run down and abandoned, as if no one had been there for a long time. There weren’t many buildings surrounding it, and if he had to guess, they were at the edge of town. 

There was a chain-link fence between them and the building, which Strider easily scaled, landing on the other side gracefully. “Why the hell are you climbing over the fence? Can’t we go through the entrance like normal people? Or would that not be ironic enough for you?” Karkat growled.

“In case you haven’t noticed, this place is abandoned. We aren’t exactly supposed to be here, so they didn’t leave the entrances wide open.” Strider said, as if it was obvious. Great, breaking and entering. Just what Karkat needed tonight. He huffed, and made his way up the fence. Karkat was shit at climbing, and it took him a while to awkwardly maneuver his way up the fence. He landed on the other side with a thud and would have landed on his ass if it weren’t for Strider catching him.

“I swear to god, troll jegus or something equally amazing better be inside that building, because this journey has been ridiculous.” He said as the two made their way inside. Thankfully, the door to the building wasn’t locked, so Karkat didn’t have to crawl through a window. 

Inside the dimly lit building stood what looked to be a gigantic telescope. Rust shone through underneath the fading paint, and it was pointed skywards. “What is this place?” Karkat wondered aloud. There was nothing like this on Alternia.

“This, my dear friend, is an abandoned observatory. The telescope’s a little rusty, but it should still work.” Strider said smugly. What was the point of dragging Karkat out to look at a decrepit building? On top of that, why all of the secrecy? If that moronic dumbass had said “hey Karkat, want to break into some buildings with me in the middle of the night and potentially get arrested because we look shady as fuck?”, Karkat would have said sure. But no, Strider couldn’t ask like a normal person, he felt the need to make it all mysterious.

“Great. We are in the middle of abso-fucking-lutely nowhere, in the middle of the night, without a flashlight. Smart thinking there.” Karkat grumbled. This was so not worth ditching his Thresh Prince Marathon for. 

“Dude, could you pull that stick out of your ass for three goddamn seconds and look into the telescope,” Strider said. Fine, Karkat would indulge Strider. He figured that he might as well, since they were all the way out here already. He looked into the telescope and saw stars. Wow, big surprise. Why couldn’t they have just looked at these from the rooftop of the apartment? Then Karkat spotted a small planet with two moons - no three. The planet was grey and one moon was purple, and with the other being green. The purple moon had another, even smaller purple moon circling it.

Karkat knew all of the constellations near the planet, he had spent days sitting on the roof of his hive tracing them, after all. He was staring at Alternia. He couldn’t believe how small the planet looked. When he was on Alternia, it left like the planet stretched on endlessly in all directions, but now it looked like it could easily fit in the palm of his hand. 

Karkat looked at Strider bewildered “H-how did you know Alternia was there?”

“A quick google search told me that Alternia would be coming into view, and you seemed like you were missin’ home.” He replied like it was no big deal. Karkat couldn’t put into words how much it meant to him. Something about seeing the planet for himself made him feel better. 

He couldn’t put his emotions into words, so he lurched over and wrapped Strider in a hug. “Thanks.” Karkat muttered quietly. Strider seemed a little stunned, and didn’t say anything for a few moments.

“Yeah yeah it was nothin’.” Strider said nonchalantly, but Karkat thought he saw a small blush forming on his face. Karkat dismissed the notion, the almighty stoic Strider blushing? Meteors would sooner fall out of the sky.

Strider pulled a blanket and flashlight out of his backpack and set it down on the floor. Strider laid on the blanket, and Karkat joined him. Normally it would be cold, but because it was Texas, the temperature was warm. They stared up at the stars, and the troll quietly told him stories about Alternia. His favorite stories to tell were ones about his lusus. Strider probably had no idea what a lusus was, but he paid attention nonetheless. 

After a few hours, Karkat ran out of stories, and Strider began to share some of his. He talked about the dumb shit that he did online with his friends and the one birthday that John sent him a pair of sunglasses. “They touched Ben Stiller’s weird rat face. I have the certificate shoved in some drawer in my room to prove it and everything. That was probably the best birthday I’ve ever had..”

They sat and talked for hours until the first rays of the sun began to pour into the sky. “We should probably start heading back now.” Strider suggested as he sat up and stretched. Karkat nodded and got off the blanket. The blanket was folded up and stuffed back into the backpack. Strider made his way out of the observatory and Karkat followed. Before Karkat left, he turned around and waved goodbye to the distant Alternia. 

The two boys were exhausted, and on the train ride back, Karkat slumped against Strider’s shoulder. When they finally reached the apartment, they collapsed into their beds.

The next morning when Karkat woke up, he felt that the homesickness had faded. He still missed his lusus, but Karkat knew it was safer for both of them this way.


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Karkat is a lovestruck fool

Light from the computer screen cut through the darkness of the room. Karkat and Strider laid sprawled on top of the bed. One of Strider’s shitty movies played in the background. He had insisted that the movie was an “ironic masterpiece”, which basically meant that the actors were all incredibly shitty and the plot made no sense. Strider droned on about the movie, commenting on the beauty of the plot and the intricate metaphors. Needless to say, Karkat had stopped paying attention within the first five minutes.

The troll snuck a glance at Strider, who was staring at the movie with laser focus, waving his hands around to emphasize whatever inane point he was making this time. Karkat wasn’t sure where he stood with Strider. Karkat couldn’t decipher his feelings for the man. Some days he felt flushed for Strider and other days he hated him with a burning passion. 

Quadrant vacillation was normal, but most people don’t go from flushed to pale in the span of an hour. If Karkat was being honest with himself, he wanted Strider in every quadrant like a desperate fool. Karkat tried to dismiss his feelings, this happened every time he met someone new. He just had to wait for the feelings to pass. No use embarrassing himself like a class a douchebag and ruining a perfectly good friendship. 

Karkat couldn’t help but get his hopes up like a fool, thinking it could be possible that Strider reciprocated his feelings. At times Karkat could have sworn that Strider felt pale for him, the way he comforted Karkat when he felt down. Other times, Strider would antagonize him relentlessly, making him think that Strider was a potential kismeisis. Then he remembered that humans didn’t have quadrants. Strider gave zero shits about quadrants and had no intention to bother about learning them. 

Karkat had tried to explain quadrants to him before, to no avail. He had tried using one of his favorite Alternian romance novels to show him. The book had illustrated the concept perfectly. All of the quadrants were explained so simply that even a wiggler could have understood. 

It had happened the first time that Karkat had shown Strider an Alternian rom-com. Strider was lost immediately and he said as much, very loudly. “Karkat, dude, what is even going on? I mean like the dude was mackin’ on that girl over there, now he’s flirtin’ with this other chick? Why the hell is the first gal totally okay with that? She should stand up for herself and say something if that muscled douchebag insists on cheating right in front of her.” He began rambling. 

Karkat remembered being confused, what was wrong with the movie? The main character isn't committing infidelity. “The first gal”, as Strider so eloquently put it, was the main character’s matesprit, and “the other chick” was his kismeisis. 

“What the shit are you spouting now? The main character isn’t flushed for the second girl, so that doesn’t count as cheating. Duh.” Karkat deadpanned. Strider could be so dumb sometimes. This clearly wasn’t a good enough explanation for him, as he continued his befuddled staring.

“Flushed?” He simply stated.

“You know, when someone likes another troll and wants them to be their matesprit?” No trace of recognition crossed Strider’s expression. Oh god, did this guy not know what quadrants were? His blanket was literally covered with quadrant symbols, what the hell? Brilliance struck Karkat and he scrambled out of the bed, to the closet.

“One second, Strider, I’m about to enlighten your pathetic brain.” The troll called to him, searching through the closet for where he had dumped his stuff. Finally he found the book and a pen and paper. The book wasn’t his favorite, and was a tad on the cheesy side, but it would do. 

He raced back and quickly scribbled down the quadrant symbols onto the paper. They were a little wonky, but it got the point across. Karkat shoved the paper into Strider’s face.

“Excuse me, but what the fresh fuck is this?” Strider groaned in response. Jeez, couldn’t this dude be at least a little grateful? Karkat was explaining the masterful intricacies of Alternian romance to him. 

“These are the four quadrants. They are the foundation of all Alternian romance. That symbol represents the ashen quadrant, that’s the flushed quadrant, that’s the pale quadrant and that is the pitch quadrant. People in the flushed quadrant, or matespritship, are called matesprits, and it is similar to your primitive human form of dating. Next is the pale quadrant, moirallegiance. People in that quadrant comfort each other. Normally it is between a high blood and low blood. The low blood keeps the high blood from going off on violent rampages, and the high blood protects the low blood. The pitch quadrant, also known as kismesissitude, is all about hatred, and not the platonic kind. It’s a mix of hatred and attraction, and it thrives on rivalry. We don’t really need to get into the ashen quadrant today, but it is basically about getting a third person to manage a kismesissitude that’s gone off the rails. Got that?” Karkat spouted.

Strider had a blank look on his face. “I did not get a single word of that. Please, for the love of all that is holy, stop.” He mumbled.

“Great, glad you were paying attention.” Karkat steamrolled on. The troll would make Strider understand quadrants if it was the last thing he did. He pulled up the book to provide an example. Four trolls were printed on the cover. 

“See those two?” Karkat said, pointing at the indigo and olive blood couple. “They are moirails. The olive blood makes sure that the indigo blood doesn’t go on a rampage, and the indigo blood makes sure that the olive blood doesn’t get brutally murdered.” 

“Why is that little guy in the corner so grabby? And what the hell is that buff dude doing?” Strider interrupted, squinting and pointing at the cover.

“No interruptions! The indigo blood is the purple blood’s kismeisis, but the relationship is going horribly. To prevent the two from killing each other, a jade blood stepped in to auspisticize and make the kismesissitude stable. Does it make sense now? Does your simple brain finally comprehend how superior troll romance is?” Karkat finished. 

“Yeah, I stopped listening five minutes ago when you mentioned romance.” Strider droned, looking bored. “Can we just watch the damn movie?” That had been the end of that conversation and even though Karkat had tried to explain it to Strider multiple times after that, nothing seemed to get through that thick skull of his.

Of course Karkat would fall for someone who couldn’t give a single shit about quadrants if his life depended on it. Strider clearly didn’t have any romantic feelings for Karkat, he was just deluding himself. Karkat was confusing human compassion for romantic feelings. He knew that, so why wouldn’t those stupid feelings go away? He couldn’t tell Strider, so he was stuck here, staring at his perfect face, pining in silence. 

…

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry the chapter is short,, ;-;


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Dave remembers that school is a thing

Karkat groaned in frustration and let out a string of profanities. Dave and Karkat were perched in front of the turntables. Music filled the room as Dave showed Karkat how to use the turntables. Dave would demonstrate, and then Karkat would attempt to replicate what he did. The attempts were pitiful, to say the least.

“Holy shit dude, you are seriously bad at this.” Dave chuckled as Karkat failed to scrap together a track. So far Karkat had managed to come up with bits and pieces of a melody, but it mostly sounded like nails on a chalkboard. 

“Shut the hell up, douchefuck! I swear to gog all of this sounds the exact same! If another word comes out of your stoically pursed lips I will strangle you.” Karkat threatened menacingly. He didn’t even bother to look up from the turntables as he said this, so concentrated and wrapped up in the task at hand. Dave absently wondered if he could get away with drawing a mustache on Karkat. Dave had noticed that when Karkat became focused on something, he shut out the world around him. Once when Karkat was watching a movie, he became so focused that he didn’t notice Dave had drawn dicks all over his arm with marker.

Of course, in retaliation, Karkat had replaced all of his apple juice with orange juice. That had been a devastating day for mankind. On second thoughts, it probably wasn’t a good idea to draw on Karkat. There was a 93 percent chance that the troll was going to snap and murder him one of these days. 

Homicidal tendencies aside, Dave couldn’t help but think that he looked kind of cute. His hair was a mess with curls that stuck out at odd angles, and eyes squinted in concentration. “Strider? You there? Did you die?” Karkat said, snapping Dave out of his thoughts.

“Yep, ya can’t get rid of me that easily.” Dave replied calmly. 

“You were just sitting there staring at me for like five minutes straight. I think. I can never really tell with those fucking stupid-ass sunglasses. Did you catch some weird human disease that makes you stare off into space for indefinite amounts of time? If so, would you politely stay the fuck away, I don’t want to catch it too.” Karkat grumbled. 

Dave knew this was Karkat-speak for “You zoned out for a little bit there, are you okay?” He hadn’t even realized that he was staring. Normally Dave was more cautious about that kind of thing, but he found it far too easy to let his guard down around the troll. 

“No need to worry, I am cootie-free at the moment.” Dave assured. Karkat made a sound and turned back to the tables to continue fiddling with them. His motions were awkward, and he obviously didn’t know how to use the machine, but Dave found it endearing in an odd way. 

They sat in silence for a few moments as Karkat tried to wrestle with the turntables. Of course, Dave couldn’t sit in silence for more than thirty seconds, so he began rambling. “Goddamn it is hotter than hell in here. I mean seriously, if Satan was here he would be like “fuck this shit, no place should ever be this hot.” Like, the man is supposed to torture people for a living, but even he knows that making a place this hot is just unfair. There should be a law against this or something. Karkat, when I become president, can you remind me to make a law against it being this hot? That shit’s practically hotter than me, and I’m the hottest thing in the entire universe. Like nothing is supposed to be hotter than me, that just defies the laws of the universe. The universal universe judges are about to send this place to universe jail for breaking the laws. Karkat, where are we supposed to go when the universal universe judges send Texas to jail for being hotter than me?” Dave ranted to fill the silence. The temperature wasn’t actually that bad considering it was summer, but Dave’s rambles didn’t need to make sense. 

“No shit, it’s hot. It’s August. Isn’t that supposed to be one of the hotter months? This is why humans should become nocturnal like trolls. I can’t understand why your dumb species would willingly subject themselves to this heat. Yet another reason trolls are superior: we aren’t dumbasses.” Karkat mumbled.

“Wait, hold your goddamn horses. It’s August?” Dave exclaimed. Karkat just looked at him like he was the stupidest person in the entire world.

“No shit, it’s August.” Karkat scoffed. Holy shit, Dave had really fallen down a wormhole. Last time he had checked, it was July. Had Karkat really been staying with Dave for an entire month? He was amazed that he had managed to keep Bro and Karkat from meeting for that long. Dave was about to brush off the topic and continue with the DJ lessons when he remembered another key piece of information.

“Dude, school starts soon.” Dave gasped, in exaggerated surprise. Some would say his eyes were the size of saucers, but he had his patented cool kid shades on, so it’s not like anyone could tell. 

“Oh thank fuck. It was about time you got schoolfed. Maybe then you’d stop being such an ignoramus.” Karkat huffed. 

“Schoolfed?” Dave questioned. Trolls really had the weirdest words for everything. It's like they took all of the human words and were like “Hey, these are far too simple. Let’s add a bunch of random bullshit words onto them so that they become a mouthful to say!”

“Yeah, you know, when an imperial drone comes to deposit knowledge into your thinkpan? Do humans not do that?” Karkat responded curiously. The more Dave learned about Alternia, the weirder it sounded. 

“Uh, no dog. We go to a building and sit around for eight hours while some old person yells at us for falling asleep.” Karkat looked skeptical at this.

“Are you fucking with me again? Strider, I will make your life hell-” Karkat began to shout.

“I have never been more serious in my whole life. I’m still not entirely sure that you aren’t fucking with me. Is this some kind of reverse psychology thing? Karkat don’t get into psychology. I don’t need you to start psychoanalyzing me too.” Dave groaned. 

“Wait, how in the hell do you not know about schools? You literally came here as an exchange student.” Dave added.

“Well I mean, we were told a little bit about Earth. But those brain-dead nooksuckers only told us basic stuff like “humans don’t cull” and “humans only have one weird-ass dumb blood color”. After that they pretty much just told us to figure it out ourselves.” Karkat huffed. Whichever alien dude that was in charge of organizing this did a really shitty job. The dude should win an award for being the shittiest organizer in the entirety of the universe. Who the hell doesn’t tell the exchange students about their new schools? To be fair though, it did make it really easy to fuck with Karkat.

“So, what I’m getting out of this is that this will be your first day at school. Like ever.” Dave grinned “Oh my god, I feel like a proud parent sending their kid off to their first day of kindergarten.”

If it was the little dude’s first day at school, they needed to go buy him some new school supplies. Only the best set of crayons and glitter covered backpack for lil’ Karkles. Shit, did Dave have enough money for that? He had been spending a fair bit lately to buy actual food and go places. His only source of income came from the dollar bills and coins Bro would drop between the couch cushions. He checked the stash of money he had in his closet. 

Money would be tight, but they could afford to spend some of it for Karkles’s first day at school. He pulled out a few bills and left the closet. “C’mon short stuff, we have some back to school shopping to do!” Dave called over cheerfully. 

“What?! No! I need to finish this gog forsaken track if it’s the last thing I do!” Karkat growled spitefully as he glared daggers at the turntables. Nope, Karkat was coming, whether he wanted to or not. No way was Dave going to let him sit around in the apartment all day. Dave knew he was being hypocritical, considering the fact that he had spent weeks without leaving his bedroom, but he didn’t care. 

He walked over and unplugged the turntables. Karkat continued to mess around with the machine, not realizing that it was unplugged. “Strider, why did the machine stop!?” Karkat yelled as he turned around to face Dave.

Dave was leaning against the wall, and in one hand was the unplugged cord. “Maybe it’s a sign from god. See? Even god wants you to go out and buy a 64 pack of crayons for school. Let’s go! Time’s a wastin’!” Dave prodded. Karkat didn’t seem happy about the situation, but got up nonetheless.

“This is so dumb. You are so dumb” Karkat muttered spitefully under his breath as they exited the apartment. 

“Yeah, but you still love me.” Dave replied sarcastically. The troll sputtered and turned bright red at the comment.

“I do not! Don’t delude yourself you shameful nookwhiffing dumbfuck! I hate your guts in a completely platonic fashion!” Karkat shouted back. 

…

The mall loomed before them and stretched on in all directions. A constant stream of people flowed in and out of the doors. The crowd inside the building barely left any room to breathe. Dave wasn’t particularly fond of large gatherings of people, and normally didn’t have any reason to spend lots of money on useless shit, so he hardly ever went to the mall. 

They pushed their way through the crowd and into the building. Which store would have ironically crappy school supplies? Dave had no idea, it wasn’t like Bro took him out to get school supplies. Dave spotted a Staples out of the corner of his eye. They would have school supplies, right? The store’s name was literally Staples, so they had to have staplers. If they had staplers, they would have notebooks. Probably. Dave didn’t care that his logic didn’t make any sense and made his way over to the store.

What kind of school supplies do people normally buy? Dave normally only bought a new notebook or two so he wasn’t sure what to get Karkat. He began making a list of supplies in his head. They would need pencils for sure, and erasers. Maybe a notebook and binder or two as well? 

Dave began searching through the aisles, dragging Karkat along. They finally reached a shelf filled with notebooks. Dave immediately began searching for the notebook with the shittiest cover. Should he go with the unicorn or glittery pink one?

Karkat immediately grabbed a black and white composition notebook. How boring. “Karkalicious, why don’t you get one of these notebooks instead? They are much prettier.” Dave grinned, holding up two glitter covered notebooks. They were both neon and atrocious to look at. 

Karkat scrunched up his face. “Your tastes are abysmal.” He muttered. Dave grabbed two of the ugliest notebooks he could find for himself and a plain and neon one for Karkat. 

The troll was about to argue before Dave interrupted. “No objections! I’m the one paying.” Karkat huffed in defeat and didn’t say anything. He was just going to have to suffer through the school year with a neon unicorn notebook. 

The rest of the trip went similarly, with Dave buying ironically shitty supplies. “Dave, for the love of gog, at least get normal pencils. If you buy rainbow colored pencils or some other bullshit like that I am going to shove my foot so far up your ass you can taste it.” Karkat threatened. 

“Jesus dude, no need to get your knickers in a twist. I was going to buy normal pencils anyway.” Dave responded calmly as if he wasn’t about to reach for the hello kitty themed pencils. Dave looked at the basket. Notebooks, check. Erasers, check. Pencils, check. Binders, check. It was gonna cost a pretty penny, but Dave figured he would be fine. Note to self: no shopping sprees for the next thirty-five years.

Maybe Dave could get a job after school. He was in senior year, after all. Most of his classmates had gotten shitty jobs as waiters or something like that but he was always hesitant to do that sort of thing. What if they made him wear a uniform with short sleeves and everyone saw the strife wounds? Even if they didn’t, the amount of days he would have to call in sick because of a strife would be high, and he would probably get fired for that sooner or later because of that.

Dave brushed the thoughts out of his mind. He would cross that bridge when he came to it. They approached the check out counter to find a lengthy line waiting. “If you want, you can find a place to sit outside while I wait.” Dave commented. There was no point in having both of them suffer in the line. Karkat looked grateful and nodded, making his way out of the store. 

Right before Dave was about to enter the line, he spotted something out of the corner of his eye. It was a fairly plain dark grey backpack with a simple reddish crab symbol in the middle. On impulse he grabbed the backpack and bought it along with the rest of the supplies. 

Dave spent a little more than he would have liked on the trip, and the backpack wasn’t cheap, but Karkat needed a new one. Dave had noticed the slightly shabby state of Karkat’s bag and figured he could use another. On top of that, the crab backpack fitted his personality perfectly. It would be a crime not to get it.

Dave found Karkat sitting near a cafe looking vaguely irritated. “Sup Kitkat. Santa came early and he got you this piece of shit.” Dave greeted, shoving the backpack at Karkat.

Karkat looked down at the backpack, his mess of hair shielding his expression. He didn’t say anything and Dave began to fret. Shit, was this a bad idea? Did he hate it? 

“That was stupid. If you don’t like it we can return it-” Dave jabbered. It was time to fucking abort.

Karkat glanced up, looking downright ecstatic. “If you want to return this you are going to have to pry it out of my cold dead hands. And trust me, I have a damned strong grip.” The troll said. Okay, so maybe he didn’t completely hate it. The expression on Karkat’s face made Dave feel butterflies in his stomach. Dave attempted to squash the feeling immediately.

“Yeah. No biggie, man.” Dave stuttered, a light blush spreading across his face. Jeez, what was wrong with him? He didn’t like Karkat and he certainly wasn’t gay, so why was he acting like this? Striders aren’t gay.

He spun around before Karkat could notice the change in his expression. “I think that’s all we need, so we should head back now.” Dave said as he marched out of the mall. Karkat followed and they made their way back to the apartment. 

...


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which school happens

A blaring alarm went off. It was a peircing sound and Karkat’s hear ducts felt like they were being torn to bits. Normally, the troll would investigate the sound but it was far too early for that. He settled deeper into the pile, it would go away eventually. 

Strider barged into the closet and began pulling apart Karkat’s pile. “Wakey wakey eggs and backey!” He cheered. What the hell did that douche want? 

“Strider. If you continue to pester me incessantly, I will make you regret it.” Karkat threatened. Strider didn’t heed his warning and continued to try and wake Karkat up. The fabric was shifted and the light intruded. Strider reached over to shake Karkat’s shoulder. The troll had been nice before, but Strider was taking it too far. Karkat turned and sunk his teeth into Strider’s hand.

He jerked his hand back immediately. “What the actual fuck man? Did you seriously just bite me? Not cool.” He murmured, nursing his injury. Karkat didn’t feel bad, the asshole derseved it. Karkat had warned Strider about the reprecussions of fucking with him. If someone attempted to wake a highblood like this they would be culled immediately. It was a good thing that dumbass didn’t live on Alternia, he would probably have gotten himself killed.

“C’mon, we have to go to school! We have a big day ahead of us!” Strider pestered. Oh yeah, Karkat remembered Strider saying something about that. He knew that human school was backwards and inefficient, but why did it have to start so early?

He slowly pulled himself out of the warmth of his cuccoon to stretch. If Karkat wanted to survive the day, he would need some coffee. All of the damn coffee. Strider was rambling about something, but Karkat was too exhausted to even try to comprehend it. “Shut your gog damned mouth for once in your life. Remind me again why school has to start so early?” Karkat grumbled as he stood up.

“It just does. You aren’t supposed to question The Man.” Strider responded, leaving Karkat alone. His hair was neat and he looked fully alert. Karkat didn’t believe that morning people were a thing before he met Strider. 

His movements were slow and his mind was groggy. Karkat pulled on a pair of new clothes and grabbed a poptart out of the closet. He handed a strawberry one to Strider and began slowly munching on it. 

“Man, I love the taste of chemical number thirty-six.” Strider mumbled. It was disgusting when he spoke while eating. Typically Karkat would nag him about that, but he couldn’t even muster up the energy to be angry. 

“By the way, we have to leave in about two minutes if we don’t want to get left behind.” Strider commented casually. Two minutes?! Was he kidding?! As much as Karkat hated waking up early, he refused to be late to his first day of school. It would take three minutes to get down the stairs alone! Karkat slipped on his shoes in a rush and grabbed his new backpack, already making his way out of the apartment. 

“Get your lazy ass up! We are leaving in negative eight minutes!” Karkat screeched, barreling out the door. He had barely had enough time to finish eating breakfast, let alone brush his hair, but Karkat couldn’t muster up the effort to give a fuck. 

A snicker sounded from behind him as Strider shut the door and began to leisurely make his way down the stairs. No need to hurry, it wasn’t like they were going to be late or anything. Karkat reached the bottom of the stairs after what seemed like an eternity and bolted out of the building. 

It was then that Karkat realized he had no idea where he was going. How were they going to get to school? Could they walk? Would a drone pick them up? Would they use a transportalizer? Did humans even have transportalizers? He didn’t think they did. Karkat added that to his long mental list of reasons why trolls are better than humans.

Karkat jumped as Strider appeared behind him. Karkat decided to get him a bell to wear for his wriggling day so that Strider would stop sneaking up on him. “Where is the school? How do we get there?” Karkat yelled, slightly panicked. How much time did they have left? 

“Chill. There’ll be a bus comin’ to pick us up in a few minutes.” Strider reassured. What was a bus? Was it like the human version of an imperial drone? It was a possibility. Humans had pretty weird words for everything. For example, they called falldown slats “skateboards”. Could they have picked a stupider word for it?

A large atriciously colored car pulled up. It was the ugliest shade of yellow that Karkat had ever seen. The doors slid open and Strider hopped on. Guess this was how they were getting to school. Karkat cautiosly approached the vehicle and climbed aboard. Two rows of uncomfortable looking seats lined the bus. A few of the teenagers sitting on the bus looked up curiously when the two entered. 

Strider plopped down into one of the seats and Karkat sat next to him. There were no seatbelts, which seemed like a safety hazard, and absurd amounts of chewing gum were stuck underneath the seats. To put it simply, the place was disgusting. 

The bus continued on its route, stopping occasionally to pick up new people. The quiet rumble of the vehicle lulled Karkat to sleep and he drifted off. 

….

Someone was shaking his shoulder and Karkat was startled awake. “What? Who? I’m up!” Karkat blurted, half asleep. The bus had come to a halt in front of a large brick building. Students were pouring into it as people filed off the bus. “We’re here dude. Up and at ‘em.” Strider murmured.

Karkat and Dave were herded into the cafeteria along with the rest of the students for an assembly. After the rest of the people were packed in, the principal approached the stage to begin her speech. “Hello, and welcome to a brand new school year…”

Karkat zoned out as soon as she started. Strider nudged him and they began playing a game of rock paper scissors to pass the time. The principal droned on endlessly, and they were finally released. On their way out of the cafeteria, they stopped by the front office in order to pick up their schedules. 

Strider snatched Karkat’s schedule to compare them. “Ooh, we have math, English and P.E. together.” He exclaimed. 

“Gog damnit I can never escape you.” Karkat remarked bitterly. Secretly, he was glad that he had classes with Strider. It would be nice to have someone he knew with him. Strider handed his schedule back and ruffled his hair, dashing off to his first class. 

Karkat tried to find his classroom to no avail. Where in the hell was room C103? Karkat wanted to strangle whoever thought it would be a good idea to make the building this big. At long last, he spotted the classroom and rushed inside. He wasn’t late, thank gog for small mercies. 

All of the other students looked as tired and unmotivated as him. The teacher entered the room and began his lecture. His voice was like nails on a chalkboard. Karkat could already tell he was going to hate this fucker. 

The day continued with little to no trouble. It was mundane and extremely boring. All of the subjects were extremely simple. He had learned everything they taught while he was just a wiggler. 

Finally, lunch came and freed him from his torment. Strider was waiting for him in the halls. “How’d it go Karkles?” Strider asked as he guided Karkat to the lunchroom. 

“It was exceedingly simple.” Karkat grumbled. The lunchroom was loud. Extremely loud. It was like everyone was having a screaming match with each other. They got into line and some kind of chemical waste was slopped onto trays. 

“Is this even edible?” Karkat shuddered. It looked like it would kill him if he took a single bite. 

“Yep. Probably. Maybe. Possibly. If we are being honest with ourselves, there is a 50/50 chance you will get food poisoning.” Strider confided. That was reassuring. After paying an angry looking lunch lady, they ventured out into the lunchroom ot find an empty seat. 

The food tasted like it was made out of cardboard and plastic and the middle was frozen. Strider’s was also frozen but he didn’t seem to mind and continued eating. “Dude, what the fuck? Why is it frozen? Why are you eating food that is frozen solid? Is there something wrong with you?!” Karkat complained. 

“That’s part of its charm. It isn’t public school food if it isn’t frozen or rotting.” Strider assured. 

“The food must be rotting your pan if you think this has charm.” Karkat argued bitterly. Strider shook his head sadly as if he was disappointed that Karkat didn’t understand the wonder of public school food. 

Predictably, an argument ensued, but it was cut short by the bell. The two had just sat down, yet it was already time to go to the next class. The latter half of the school day was just as monotonous as the first half. The students didn’t give a shit and neither did the teachers. Karkat guessed that they were out of shits at the shit store. 

Karkat settled into his seat to pretend to listen. His main goal was to stay awake because his eyelids felt like they weighed three tons. Why couldn’t humans be nocturnal like trolls?

…

Tired teenagers rushed out of the building as the day ended. Karkat stood outside, peering through the crowd in attempts to spot some prick wearing sunglasses. Come to think of it, why did the teachers let Strider get away with that?

The troll spotted Strider exit the school out of the corner of his eye and made his way over. “Greetings Strider. I am ready to return home and sleep for the next three fucking million years.” Karkat sighed. 

…

The troll had never been so excited to see the dingy apartment building in his entire life. He rushed ahead of Strider up the stairs, excited at the prospect of finally getting some sleep. However, Karkat forgot how long the stairs were and became even more exhausted halfway through. He sat on the steps, too lazy to move. 

Strider caught up with him. “C’mon Karkles, you are nearly halfway there. Where’d all that energy go?” He teased. The asshole could go fuck himself. He was used to going up and down these stairs because he had lived here his whole life. 

“You are going to have to drag me, Strider. If I take another step, I will immediately die. And how do you think that will go over with administration? Killing your exchange student is typically frowned upon.” Karkat ranted. He wasn’t moving for the next five minutes.

Strider contemplated something for a few minutes before picking Karkat up and journey up the stairs. “What are you doing, Strider?! Put me down this instant or I will rip out your intestines and feed them to you!” The troll screeched. 

“What do you mean? You said you would die if you took another step. I’m just helping a dude out.” Strider said in faux confusion. Karkat began to squirm, determined to be put down. 

“Jeez, if you want to be let down that badly, be my guest.” Strider said, and before Karkat could react, he dumped the troll on the ground. Luckily, they weren’t on the stairs, so Karkat didn’t go tumbling down.

When did they get in front of the apartment? Strider must have been strong as shit if he could move up the stairs that quickly while carrying Karkat. The troll dusted himself off and stood up, storming through the apartment and into the bedroom, screaming profanities at Strider.

Karkat entered the bedroom and bickered with Strider a bit before passing out. He hadn’t intended to go to sleep so early, but his eyelids refused to stay open even a moment longer.

….

Dave noticed that Karkat had been silent for a while, which was quite unusual for the troll. He looked over to find him sound asleep. He must have been really tired from school. Dave quietly picked up Karkat and carefully plopped him down in his pile, so as not to wake him. 

The day had been chaotic and it was better with Karkat there. Sure, Dave had tons of online friends, but not many in real life. The people at his school weren’t cool enough to understand the irony. It wasn’t like they were mean, he just wasn’t close to anyone. 

Dave was fine with that, but having someone to bicker with was much more fun.


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Bro returns

Dave laid awake in bed, waiting for his alarm to go off. It was alway like this. Dave would always wake up just a few minutes before his alarm for school went off. He wasn’t even sure why he even bothered setting it at this point. He could move from his position staring at the ceiling and get an early start on his day, but Dave liked these moments in the early morning. He didn’t have to worry about school or money or strifes or food. The quiet caw of a crow sounded outside of his windowsill as golden light poured through.

The light that shone upon his face woke him from his stupor. It was far too light outside. His alarm was set for the early hours of the morning, when the sun’s rays were weak and dim. There was no way it would be this bright. He was puzzled, why hadn’t it gone off yet? That was when he realized it was a Saturday. 

The week had gone by so quickly, it had been a blur. All the days were the same boring routine that came at the start of a new school year when teachers hadn’t really started assigning anything yet. Dave mostly kept to himself at school, hanging out with Karkat during the classes they shared and lunch. Karkat had a very loud presence at school. He wasn’t afraid to say what he was thinking. Not only that, but it turned out that Karkat didn’t have a filter at school either. Profanities and intricate insulting metaphors spewed out of his mouth like a river. Honestly, it was a miracle Karkat hadn’t been sent to the principal’s office yet. 

Deciding he had laid in bed long enough, Dave pulled himself up right. The springs in his mattress groaned softly as his weight left the bed and his feet shuffled along the floor. 

The computer stood in front of him, and when he booted it up the bright light burned his eyes, as they hadn’t yet adjusted to the brightness. No one was online. That was fine, Dave could do something else. Making some sick beats wasn’t an option because he didn’t want to wake Karkat up and he wasn’t feeling in the mood to draw. He decided to go up to the roof and take a few “ironic” photos. It had been a while since he had broken out his camera, so this was the perfect time. 

Dave grabbed it from where a thin layer of dust had been settling over it on the shelf. The camera strap was slipped around his neck as he quietly opened the door and made his way into the hall. He was on high alert and deathly silent the entire time. Bro hadn’t been at the house in a while, but that was nothing out of the ordinary. He would occasionally disappear for weeks without a word, only to reappear with a strife note in hand. It was a little weird, but Dave was used to it.

He was actually kind of glad that Bro would disappear like that. He hadn’t been in the house since the last strife, making it easier to keep him from meeting Karkat. 

Dave was a blur as he made his way through the living room and he finally reached the door. He flung the door open and rushed out without a care, only to run head first into what felt like a brick wall. He jolted back, stunned. Bro loomed ominously in front of him, blocking the stairway. Just Dave’s luck that he would choose to come back now. 

“Hey ‘lil man.” Bro said, pushing past Dave into the house. Dave stood awkwardly in the doorway for a few moments before he realized that he should probably reply.

“Sup, Bro.” He responded, trying to mask his nervousness. Karkat probably wouldn’t come out, Dave assured himself. He slept notoriously late and would probably be asleep for a few hours yet. And Bro wouldn’t go into his room. For some reason he always stayed out of Dave’s room, thankfully. 

Bro plopped himself down on the couch in front of the TV, picking up one of the controllers. He jerked his head, motioning Dave to come join him. It was more of a command than a request, and Dave knew better than to say he would rather photograph the crows on the roof.

“Been a while since we played. Pick up a controller.” Bro commanded. There was no emotion in his voice, it sounded robotic. 

Dave made his way over to the couch, settling down and grabbing a controller. A crappy video game filled the screen before him. The music hurt to listen to and the graphics looked like they were made by monkeys drawing with their non-dominant hand. The sprites constantly clipped through stuff. When he was younger, he spent hours learning how to play the game in attempts to impress Bro when they played. It never worked, and over the years he just gave up. Bro used to be his idol. That wasn’t to say Dave didn’t think he was great anymore, but he didn’t view him the same. He stopped spending hours thinking of ways to gain his approval. 

It used to be a fun competition, seeing who could glitch through the walls the most. Now it was just nerve racking. What if he fucked up and was forced to strife? What if Bro got mad and trashed his stash of food? Horrible scenarios ran though Dave’s head, and he tried not to show it. If Dave ever showed any emotions that would only make it worse. He knew from experience.

Dave couldn’t help but shift uncomfortably every few minutes. It felt like he was sitting on a pile of hot coals and the only way to get out of this situation was to wait. 

Dave’s heart stopped as a door creaked. It was a quiet sound that was mostly drowned out by the music blared by the game, but to Dave, the sound was as loud as a gunshot. Karkat, that stupidly earnest idiot had chosen today to wake up early. The universe really had it out for him, didn’t it? 

Dave froze stock still, should he go usher Karkat back into the room or hope that he goes back by himself? If he left now, there was no predicting how Bro would react. On the other hand, if Karkat decided to venture out into the living room and encounter Bro, it wouldn’t end well. 

He made a split second decision and jumped up, leaving the controller where it was dropped on the couch to bolt over to Karkat. Dave intercepted the troll in the hallway. Karkat’s hair was messier than usual. “Morning nooksucker. Who are you playing with? You weren’t in the room when I woke up so I went looking for you.” Karkat yawned. The irritable tone that clung his speech was gone, replaced with a slow, lazy tone, plagued with sleepiness. 

“I’m playin’ with my Bro. That’s not the point though. You need to get back to the bedroom and go to sleep.” Dave attempted to impress the urgency of the situation without letting Karkat know what was going on, steering him back towards the door. 

“Do you mean your lusus? Stop being a neurotic douche and let me go say hi. It’s weird that I’ve been here this long and seen your lusus yet. He probably thinks I’m the rudest bulgelord in all of existence right about now because I haven’t greeted him yet.” Karkat commented, seeming more awake. Bad idea, that was a very, very bad idea. Dave still didn’t really know what a lusus was or why it would be rude to not greet it, but he was definitely not letting Karkat meet Bro. 

Dave glanced back to the living room nervously. This was taking too long. Bro would probably come over if this continued much longer. “Karkat. Go back to the room, now.” Dave commanded, his voice serious. Karkat stared in surprise at him. Dave’s face softened “Please just trust me.” Dave pleaded.

Karkat was confused, but he nodded nonetheless and marched back to the room, quietly closing the door. He probably didn’t understand what was going on or why Dave was acting like that, but that was a good thing. 

He spun around to head back to the living room, striding in as if his heart wasn’t going one hundred miles per hour. Dave sat down casually and picked the controller back up, picking up where he left off in the game.

Bro hadn’t moved an inch. He hadn’t even turned his head, and he was deathly silent. “Who’s that?” Bro asked nonchalantly. Despite his rather laid back tone, Dave could tell that was a loaded question. This could either go okay or horribly. 

“One of my friends from school. He stayed over to work on a project.” Dave lied, not taking his eyes off the screen. He begged the gods that Bro bought it. Neither spoke after that, and the shitty sound effects from the game filled the room. The silence was oppressive.

Finally, Bro stood up, heading to his room to do god knows what. “Strife. Roof. Tonight.”

Dave could already tell he was in for a brutal beatdown, but it could have been worse. Bro didn’t know about Karkat, and Karkat didn’t know about Bro. Dave knew he wouldn’t be able to keep the balancing act up for much longer, but he would do his best or die trying. 

He sat there for a few more minutes before shutting off the TV and heading back into his bedroom. Karkat sat on his bed, chewing at his nail nervously. When he saw Dave enter, he sprung up.

“What the fuck was that bullshit back there, Strider?” Karkat screamed, when he really meant to ask if Dave was okay. Karkat had noticed that Dave seemed panicked back in the hallway. Dave knew Karkat’s underlying meaning, so he didn’t take offense to the abrasive tone.

“Sorry dude, my “lusus” or whatever you call it doesn’t really like socializing.” That was putting it lightly. Bro spoke the minimum amount necessary and he had never seen Bro interact with anyone else outside of interactions with himself.

Karkat seemed to calm down at this. “Oh. That makes sense. Vriska’s lusus was like that too. Her lusus was constantly hungry and ate young trolls so Vriska used her FLARPing sessions to feed her. It was kinda fucked up honestly.” He commented off handedly. It was times like these that made him realize that Bro honestly wasn’t that bad. All of his friends had equally messed up parents. John’s Dad would force feed him cake and Rose’s Mom was an alcoholic who would attempt to buy her love. 

At least that’s what he tried to tell himself. He had been saying the exact same thing to himself for years. You don’t have it that bad, everyone’s parents are like this. If anything, it sounded like Vriska’s parent was way worse than Bro. But Vriska was a troll, and their society was fucked up. Should he really be comparing Bro to some troll’s beast guardian? His mind was at war with himself. 

Dave brushed the thoughts out of his head. Now was not the time to have a mental crisis. He had things to do, and he couldn’t waste time panicking. “Let’s just go back to sleep, yeah? It’s too early to be awake, especially on a weekend.” Dave suggested. Going outside of the bedroom was dangerous right now, so anything that could convince Karkat to stay was good.

“My thoughts exactly.” Karkat proclaimed, huddling up in his mound of laundry. It was ridiculous and cute at the same time. 

“I’ll be right back, I need to go use the bathroom.” Dave commented, slipping out of the room.

He trudged towards the bathroom, locking the door and pulling out his first aid kit. Dave took stock quickly. He was a little low on antiseptic and pain killers, but he should be fine. Dave made a mental note to restock the kit soon, he would probably need it, especially after the oncoming strife. The kit was stowed in its hiding place once again as Dave returned to his bedroom.

Dave had originally wanted to go up to the roof to take pictures, but that though was wiped from his mind. He didn’t want to go anywhere near the roof, the threat of an oncoming strife made the place unbearable. The camera was plunked back in its place and Dave curled into his bed, still fully clothed. He had to be prepared for anything.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow I am bad at writing angst. I originally intended for this story to be way angsty-er, but apparently I have been cursed to only write fluff, so you get this weird Frankenstein of a fic. If you see any spelling or grammar errors, please tell me! I try and read through this to weed out the inaccuracies but sometimes I miss a few! Thanks for reading!


	11. Chapter 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Karkat comes to a realization

Karkat awoke to the sound of something shifting in the room. When his eyelids cracked open, he was greeted with the sight of Strider. Most nights he would have thought nothing of it, but this wasn’t most nights. Strider was fully dressed and carrying a sword. Where would he be going in the dead of night? On top of that, why would he need a sword?

A puddle of dread settled in the pit of his stomach. Karkat wasn’t sure what was going on, but he could tell it wasn’t good. Come to think of it, this hadn’t been the first time Strider mysteriously disappeared in the middle of the night. He had disappeared once before. Strider had tried to cover it up, claiming he had been in the bathroom, but Karkat knew he wasn’t telling the truth.

Karkat debated whether or not he should confront Strider, but he decided that it wasn’t worth it. Strider was his own person, and as long as he wasn’t getting into trouble, he could do whatever he pleased. It stung that Strider didn’t trust him enough to tell him where he went, but Karkat chose to not dwell on that.

At some point while Karkat was thinking, Strider had slipped out of the room. He hadn’t even made a sound. Karkat attempted to go back to sleep, but something didn’t sit right with him. Some gut instinct was screaming that something was amiss. Karkat couldn’t put his finger on it, but something was off with the entire household. The puppets and the absent and apparently anti-social lusus were weird, and Karkat was beginning to question if they were actually a normal human thing or not. 

…

It had to have been a couple of hours since Strider left. Karkat stared into the night, sleep refusing to come. Quiet footsteps sounded in the hallway. They would be inaudible during the day, but in the dead of night, no other sounds obstructed the silence, so they were heard clearly. The door cracked open and in came Strider. As soon as he entered, alarm bells went off in Karkat’s head. His slumped form faltered into the room and he collapsed onto his bed. The normally tidy hair was a mess and his sunglasses were askew. The sword he held high before was dragged along behind him, as if he no longer had the energy to carry it properly. It was dropped onto the floor unceremoniously. Karkat couldn’t make out anything else in the dark of the night, and was about to leap up and ask what was wrong. 

Just before he did, Karkat noticed that Strider was fast asleep. The man had seemed exhausted when he dragged himself into the room. Karkat couldn’t bring himself to wake Strider up and decided to interrogate him in the morning after he got some sleep.

…

Karkat groggily got up, shrugging off the sleepiness. On a typical morning, he would take his time getting up, sitting in the pile for a few minutes before lazily yawning and stretching, but this wasn’t a typical morning. He was a man on a mission, and he was determined to get to the bottom of what was going on with Strider.

The troll emerged from his pile to find Strider at his desk, drawing another Sweet Bro and Hella Jeff comic. “Strider, listen up asshole, I’ve something important to say.” Karkat snarled. 

Strider turned around. “What’s up Karkitten?” He asked nonchalantly. 

“We need to talk about what happened last night.” As soon as these words left Karkat’s mouth, Strider stiffened.

“What do you mean?” Strider asked, trying to play dumb, as if that was going to work. 

“Where did you go? What happened? Why did you feel the need to bring a gog damned whole-ass sword with you?!” Karkat shrieked. Strider seemed relieved that Karkat didn’t know much, which only served to bolster the troll’s annoyance.

“I went to go look at the crows to get inspiration for my new Sweet Bro and Hella Jeff comic. I took my sword because those feathery fuckers are vicious as shit. That being said, why were you awake so late, Karkles? You know you should be getting eight hours of sleep per night. Are you not getting your full eight hours? You should know there are some serious repercussions to not getting enough sleep. As your doctor, I am concerned about your health. I am prescribing you eight hours of sleep and a bottle of chill pills. Most people need one chill pill per day, but I recommend that you take three every minute.” Strider rambled. Karkat knew that he was trying to distract from the topic at hand. Whenever he didn’t want to talk about something, he would spin some inane metaphor to derail the conversation. Of course he would also do that if he was happy or sad or angry or just bored. 

Karkat could tell that Strider was bullshitting him. He was always weird after he disappeared in the middle of the night. The first time it happened, he was distant. Karkat had assumed that the midnight adventure and his strange behavior were unrelated, but he was beginning to re-evaluate that assessment.

“Shut your ignorance tunnel! I think we both know that you’re bullshitting me right now. I don’t know what’s going on, but you are going to need to tell me sooner or later.” Karkat argued. He was going to get Strider to confess if it was the last thing he did.

“I’m not bullshitting you. I already told you what happened, so stop pestering me.” Strider argued, turning back to his drawing tablet, attempting to end the conversation.

“There is something fucking weird going on and we both know it, Strider! Would you stop fucking with me for one minute and tell it to me straight!” Karkat shrieked.

“Karkat, for the ever-loving fuck, would you shut the hell up? You don’t know what’s going on so stay the hell out of my business.” Strider bickered. His words hurt, but Karkat continued anyway. He had already come this far, he couldn’t just drop the topic.

“Well if you told me what was going on maybe I could help! Did you ever think of that? No! Of course you didn’t, you globefondling bulgesmoking fucksponge.” Karkat fumed.

“What the hell would you do anyways? Despite being a troll, you can’t fight for shit and you are completely useless in this situation! Yeah, shit’s fucked, but I’m trying my best, so get off my dick!” Strider snapped. Karkat was shocked. He knew he wasn’t the best at fighting and he couldn’t really contribute much, but for Strider to rub it in his face, well that was a new low. They picked at each other and argued frequently, but not like this.

“Fuck you man.” Karkat mumbled, the fight sucked out of him. He slunk back into his pile without another word.

“Wait, shit. Karkat-” Strider began to say. The words seemed to get caught in his throat, and nothing came out. No apology, no explanation, nothing. He turned back to the drawing tablet. 

Karkat burrowed himself deeper into the pile, wishing he could have been anywhere but in that room. 

…

Things were tense between them after that. It felt like every conversation ended in another argument. Karkat was furious, to say the least. Why the hell was that nooksucker being such a stuck up prick about it? He had just been trying to help. The worst part was that Strider hadn’t even apologized once. 

Of course the world around them didn’t just stop because they were fighting. School dredged on, as boring and tedious as always. In a sense, Karkat was glad that they had to go to school for eight hours a day. It gave him a break from being trapped in a small room with Strider. The atmosphere in the apartment was so thick you could cut it with a knife.

After a few days of fuming, Karkat remembered the original point of the argument. Despite the fact that talking to Strider had gone horribly, he was still determined to get to the bottom of the situation. Karkat debated the best course of action, before he settled on asking another human. He figured Rose would probably be the best person to talk to, after all, she was hosting a troll as well. She would probably know what was normal and what wasn’t. 

\- - CarcinoGeneticist [CG] began trolling tentacleTherapist [TT] - -

CG: GREETINGS INFERIOR HUMAN. I HAVE SOME PRESSING QUESTIONS THAT MUST BE ANSWERED IMMEDIATELY, SO LISTEN THE FUCK UP.

TT: Hello to you as well. Jumping right into it, are we?

CG: YES. NOW IT HAS RECENTLY COME TO LIGHT THAT SOME THINGS I PREVIOUSLY CONSIDERED NORMAL ARE NOT CONSIDERED NORMAL BY THE REST OF THE HUMAN POPULACE.

TT: You’re Karkat, correct? Kanaya talks about you occasionally. That being said, what are you referring to?

CG: DO HUMANS TYPICALLY DISAPPEAR IN THE MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT WITH SWORDS AND COME BACK DISHEVELED LIKE NOOKWHIFFING DUMBASSES? ALSO, DO YOU HAVE SWORDS JUST LAYING AROUND YOUR HOUSE?

TT: No, and no. Us humans tend to sleep during the nighttime instead of galavanting around with swords. We also don’t have randomly placed swords in our house. This is quite the peculiar line of questioning, but do continue. I’m curious now. 

CG: OKAY. GREAT. HOW DO YOU FEEL ABOUT PUPPETS? DOES THE AVERAGE PERSON FEEL THE NEED TO COMPLETELY FILL THEIR HOUSE WITH AN INSANE AMOUNT OF BULBOUS PLUSH PUPPET ASS?

TT: I don’t believe there are any puppets in my household. We do, however, have a gigantic statue of a wizard, if that counts for anything. 

CG: ONE FINAL QUESTION. DOES YOUR HUMAN LUSUS DISAPPEAR FOR DAYS ON END? WOULD YOU DESCRIBE HUMAN LUSII AS UNSOCIABLE OR VOLATILE? WOULD THERE BE ANY REASON YOU WOULD KEEP KANAYA FROM MEETING YOUR LUSUS?

TT: Despite you stating that you had one question left, you asked three, but we are going to gloss over that. By “human lusus” I am going to assume you mean “parental figure”. My mother used to disappear for days on end because she was an alcoholic, which before you ask, isn’t normal. Most parents don’t do that, and it is considered neglectful if they do. Some parents are violent, but again, that is frowned upon, to say the least. 

TT: I didn’t keep Kanaya away from my mother, but I could see reasons why one might. My mother has gotten help for her problem and is on the road to recovery, but if she wasn’t, I definitely wouldn’t want them to meet. Is that all?

CG: YES. THIS HAS BEEN VERY INFORMATIVE. CONGRATULATIONS, YOU HAVE OFFICIALLY BEEN USEFUL FOR ONCE IN YOUR LIFE.

TT: Wonderful. Is it my turn to ask questions now?

CG: WHAT.

TT: I’m glad you are being so cooperative. You are staying with Dave, yes? Why would you ask these questions? They are quite odd and if the house you were staying at was normal, why would you bother?

CG: I-

TT: Those were rhetorical. 

TT: I’ve suspected something was wrong with Dave’s household for a couple of years now, but he always insisted that it was fine. I swear, next you are going to tell me he doesn’t keep his food in the kitchen.

CG: SO IT ISN’T NORMAL TO KEEP ALL FOOD PRODUCTS IN THE CLOSET?

TT: …

TT: No. No, it isn’t.

TT: Listen, I think I need to consult Dave, because he clearly doesn’t live in a stable environment. 

CG: WAIT DON’T! DON’T TELL STRIDER I WAS ASKING ABOUT ALL OF THIS. WHEN I ASKED HIM, HE GOT SUPER DEFENSIVE AND WE ENDED UP FIGHTING.

TT: Fine, but only because I feel like he wouldn’t listen to me either. I expect daily updates on the situation, or else.

CG: JEGUS CHRIST, FINE. I’M GOING TO NEED TO GO AND QUESTION ALL OF MY LIFE CHOICES NOW, I’LL TALK TO YOU LATER.

TT: You do that. Kanaya says hi. She also says that you guys should talk more in the future.

CG: YEAH, I’VE BEEN KIND OF BUSY LATELY, WHAT WITH THE WHOLE MOVING TO A DIFFERENT FUCKING PLANET. 

TT: I’ll tell her you said hi as well.

\- - CarcinoGeneticist [CG] ceased trolling tentacleTherapist [TT] - -

Karkat was a little shell shocked. So much of what he had previously perceived as normal was actually far from it. Karkat knew that he still hadn’t even scratched the surface, but now he had a lead. If this was an unstable living environment, as Rose put it, why did Strider continue living there? Why would he become so agitated when confronted with the information?

Those were questions for another day, and Karkat needed to take it one step at a time. Strider couldn’t hide the truth from Karkat forever.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter took way longer to make than the others because I kept rewriting it. I hope it came out okay,,


	12. Chapter 12

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Dave strifes

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> BTW: The beginning of this chapter is about Bro and Dave strifing, so if that is something you aren't comfortable with, you can skip the chapter. I wrote it so that you wouldn't miss too much if you didn't read this chapter. I don't think the descriptions are that graphic, but I figured I should add this just in case.

Dave had intended to get a few hours of sleep in before the strife, but apparently it wasn’t meant to be. He laid in bed, unable to sleep and all too soon it was time to leave. Pushing the blankets aside and leaving the warmth of his bed was a struggle, but he managed it. He had to get this over with sooner or later.

He was already clothed, as he slept with them on. Dave had to be prepared to get up and move at a moments notice, so sleeping with clothes on was a must. The room was filled with inky darkness, but Dave knew it like the back of his hand and had no trouble navigating it. A sword was retrieved of off one of the displays on the wall. It was shitty and probably going to break in half, but it was better than nothing. 

He stood for a few seconds in the darkness, preparing himself for the coming onslaught. He knew it would be bad. Dave could only pray that the injuries wouldn’t be too noticable. If Karkat found out, then all of the effort he put into keeping them apart would be for nothing. Dave sighed softly to himself and slipped out of the room. Unbeknownst to him, a silent figure watched him from underneath a pile of clothes. 

Harsh winds whipped across the roof, throwing his hair into disarray and chilling him to the bone. “What have I said about inviting people to the house.” Bro said callously. Dave could barely see his silhouette, outlined by the moon. His features were indiscernible, but rage emanated off of him.

“My bad Bro, it won’t happen again.” Dave reassured. His voice was steady, but his hands shook. He strengthened his grip on the sword. Now was not the time for fear. A real man wouldn’t be afraid. Dave wasn’t a real man though. He wasn’t a hero and he wasn’t what his bro wanted him to be. Fear was instilled in his core and his sweaty palms only proved that he would never be good enough.

“It better not.” 

Bro jerked his head, signaling that he wanted Dave to attack first. Dave paused for a minute before he sprang at Bro, his sword at the ready. It was easily blocked, and the clashing sound of metal filled the air. A shudder went through his arms at the force of the impact, causing him to stumble. 

Bro would pounce on any sign of weakness, so of course we was upon Dave in an instant. He could hardly bring his sword up in time. Pain flared up in his arm as a long gash opened up. Dave could already feel the warm liquid soaking through his sleeve. Dave pressed on nonetheless. If he stopped for a moment he wouldn’t be able to muster up the energy to continue. It was better if he didn’t think about it. 

Dave slashed his sword in a long arch. It was met with the night air as Bro disappeared without a trace. Dave immediately crouched into a defensive position, surveying his surroundings. Bro could pop out from anywhere.

Dave grew more nervous with each passing moment. Out of the corner of his eye, he spotted a movement. Dave swiveled to face it, sword at the ready, only to find a crow taking off. Something hard connected with Dave’s back and he was flung across the rooftop. 

He managed to catch himself before he fell facedown on the ground, but not in time to block Bro’s next strike. Bro’s sword sliced through the back of his leg, leaving a nasty gash. Dave spun to face him, but a scorching pain enveloped his leg. It started to buckled, but Dave managed to stay standing on pure force of will. By the time that Dave managed to turn around, Bro was gone again. 

A shadow flashed through the night, and this time Dave managed to parry the blow. Their swords locked together with a screeching sound. Dave’s wounded arm couldn’t hold the sword under the pressure, and it clattered across the roof, leaving him defenseless. 

Dave was pinned down onto the gravel, Bro towering above him. A spike of fear went through Dave. Bro wouldn’t kill him, right? They were family, he wouldn’t do that. Bro loved Dave in his own ironic way, and Dave just wasn’t cool enough to understand it. He was beginning to doubt that. If he died, what would happen to Karkat? He couldn’t die here. This couldn’t be where it ended. 

In desperation, Dave used the last of his remaining strength to strike the back of Bro’s leg and rush over to his sword. His heart pounded and he scrambled to pick up the sword. His palms were covered in a mixture of sweat and blood, making the handle hard to grip. Bro stood impassively, observing Dave with morbid fascination. 

Bro vanished once again, reappearing directly next to Dave. The butt of his katana smashed into Dave’s head, and the world went sideways. 

…

He awoke bloody and exhausted, gravel burrowing into his skin. The blood had dried in a few spots and began to flake. The wind howled through the city, and Dave noticed that he was shaking. He tried to push himself up, only to crumple back onto the ground. Right, probably not the best idea to use the injured arm. Dave managed to lug himself into an upright position, gritting his teeth at the pain. 

He tried to stand up, to no avail. Dave looked around the roof for his sword so he could use it a a crutch. It lay a few feet away, stuck in the rooftop. Impaled on the sword was a note. Dave dragged himself over to the sword, dislodging it from the cement and retrieving the note. “This better not happen again. Or else.” The note threatened. If Dave had it his way, Bro would have never seen Karkat in the first place, and this had only renewed his determination. He wouldn’t let either know about the other if it was the last thing he did. 

Dave lugged himself down the stairs, one by one. After an eternity, he was in front of the apartment door. He silently trudged into the bathroom. 

Behind the locked bathroom door, he was finally able to let out a sigh, all of the fight draining out of him. Dave wanted to close his eyes and never open them again, but he knew he had things to do. 

The first aid kit was recovered and Dave began to dig through it. Dave hissed quietly as he wiped away the blood with a damp towel. The cut on his arm would be okay with disinfectant and a bandage, but the gash on his leg would need stitches. Dave started with the cut on his arm. Patching it up was an easy task, something he had done hundreds of times before.

Stitching his leg was a different matter. He couldn’t go to the hospital, the doctors would ask too many questions and Bro wouldn’t approve, to put it kindly. It wasn’t the first time he had given himself stitches, but his hands were still unsteady from the fight. 

“Putting it off will only make it worse.” Dave mumbled quietly to himself as he dumped a disinfectant on it. He readied the needle and began to close up the wound. It hurt like hell, but Dave grit his teeth and put up with it. 

Finally, it was done. The stitches were shaky, but they got the job done. He applied some more disinfectant and put away the medical supplies. He was really going to need to restock soon. Dave stumbled into his room, his uninjured arm limply dragging the sword along. The bedroom door was sealed behind him and Dave collapsed onto his bed.

...

The caw of a bird had Dave jolting awake in a cold sweat. His breathing was quick and his heart was going a million miles an hour. It took him a few minutes to calm down. Bro wasn’t there. He was okay. After his heart settled down, he became aware of a painful throbbing coming from his arm and leg.

Dave peered over at Karkat, who was still buried in the depths of his pile. Karkat was snoring soflty, still asleep. He shakily stood up and made his way over to the bathroom to redress his injuries. They still hurt like hell, but none of them were infected, so Dave took it as a good sign.

He staggered back into the room, nearly tripping over his wires, before collapsing into his computer chair. It had been a while since he drew a Sweet Bro and Hella Jeff comic, and he couldn't leave his grand total of five readers waiting. Luckily, Dave's dominant hand wasn't injured, so he could still draw. Drawing shitty comics help keep his mind off of all the bullshit going on in his life, and he found it cathartic. 

Drawing something that shitty actually took some practice, so he couldn't let his skills get too rusty, lest he become decent at drawing. After a few minutes, Dave became entranced in his drawing, focusing solely on it and shutting out the rest of the world. It was nice to be able to sit and draw without having to worry about when the next strife was.

Dave heard Karkat stir in his pile. He heard Karkat stand up and stretch. Dave found that as odd. Normally Karkat liked to wake up slowly, so he wouldn’t get up for a few minutes after he awoke. “Strider, listen up asshole, I’ve something important to say.” Karkat growled. 

“What’s up Karkitten?” Dave asked. What kind of rant did Karkat have in store for him today? It seemed like every day Karkat had a new rant prepared. Yesterday’s rant had been about how crappy Dave’s comic was, and the one the day before that had been about the complexities of Alternian romance. Dave wasn’t always the best listener, but he liked it when Karkat would fill up the silence of the room with his scratchy voice. 

“We need to talk about what happened last night.” These words immediately set Dave on alert. There was no way he could know about the strifes with Bro, he had been fast asleep. Maybe he hadn’t seen the strife. Maybe he was going to ask why Dave wouldn’t let him meet Bro.

“What do you mean?” Dave puzzled, feigning ignorance. He wasn’t going to give anything away.

“Where did you go? What happened? Why did you feel the need to bring a gog damned whole-ass sword with you?!” Karkat bellowed. Dave let out an internal sigh of relief. Karkat knew he snuck out, but he didn’t know about the strifes. It could be worse. Dave could bullshit his way through this one.

“I went to go look at the crows to get inspiration for my new Sweet Bro and Hella Jeff comic. I took my sword because those feathery fuckers are vicious as shit. That being said, why were you awake so late, Karkles? You know you should be getting eight hours of sleep per night. Are you not getting your full eight hours? You should know there are some serious repercussions to not getting enough sleep. As your doctor, I am concerned about your health. I am prescribing you eight hours of sleep and a bottle of chill pills. Most people need one chill pill per day, but I recommend that you take three every minute.” Dave babbled, praying that Karkat would drop the issue. Maybe if Dave talked for long enough, Karkat would forget about the original topic.

“Shut your ignorance tunnel! I think we both know that you’re bullshitting me right now. I don’t know what’s going on, but you are going to need to tell me sooner or later.” Karkat called him out on his bullshit. Guess there was no distracting him. Karkat was wrong about one thing, though. Dave wouldn’t have to tell him sooner or later. He would keep everything under control so that no one got hurt. 

“I’m not bullshitting you. I already told you what happened, so stop pestering me.” Dave defended. He turned back to the computer to see if any of his friends were online. The last thing he wanted to do was continue the conversation. The longer it dragged on, the more likely Karkat would find something out. 

“There is something fucking weird going on and we both know it, Strider! Would you stop fucking with me for one minute and tell it to me straight!” He yelled. This sparked a rage within Dave. Nothing was weird. Everything was going fine. So what if Bro occasionally strifed with him? Everything was fine. They were fine. 

“Karkat, for the ever-loving fuck, would you shut the hell up? You don’t know what’s going on so stay the hell out of my business.” Dave snarled, some of the inner irritation making it to the surface.

“Well if you told me what was going on maybe I could help! Did you ever think of that? No! Of course you didn’t, you globefondling bulgesmoking fucksponge.” Karkat barreled on without a care in the world. What did he know? Dave didn’t need help. He had the whole situation under control. Besides that, what would he do? It’s not like Karkat could magically make Bro less of a dick or help Dave fight.

“What the hell would you do anyways? Despite being a troll, you can’t fight for shit and you are completely useless in this situation! Yeah, shit’s fucked, but I’m trying my best, so get off my dick!” He growled. Dave hadn’t meant to say that, but the words slipped out of him. As soon as that wretched sentence left his mouth, he knew it was the wrong thing to say.

Karkat was stunned, standing there for a few moments, saying nothing. “Fuck you man.” Karkat muttered defeatedly, before he fled to his pile.

“Wait, shit. Karkat-” Dave began to say. He had to make this right. The words refused to leave his mouth. They became stuck there and it felt like he was choking. He stared at where Karkat lay, buried underneath the laundry, for a few seconds before turning back to the drawing tablet, not wanting Karkat to see his distraught expression. Real men don’t cry. Emotions are pathetic. That’s what his Bro taught him, that’s what was ingrained in his mind.

Why couldn’t he do anything right? First he nearly messed everything up by letting Bro and Karkat meet, then he fucked up in the strife, after that he ruined his friendship with Karkat. What did he think he was doing? He wasn’t a hero. He couldn’t do anything right. If only he was stronger or faster. If only he wasn’t such a disappointment to Bro. If only he knew what to say.


	13. Chapter 13

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Dave and Karkat talk some more

The apartment, typically filled with angry banter and laughter, was unnervingly quiet. All attempts at conversation ultimately ended in failure, and Strider and Karkat began to avoid each other like the plague. It wasn’t that Karkat didn’t want to hang out with Strider, he just didn’t know what to say. Conversation that had flowed so freely before now felt stinted. 

Strider’s insistence that Karkat stayed in the respiteblock only made things worse. A tense atmosphere filled the room, as if they were both bracing themselves for yet another argument. Speaking was brought down to a minimum and the quiet sounds of Strider mumbling to himself and Karkat shifting in his pile filled the room.

School served as a much needed reprieve. It gave Karkat space to process what was going on with Strider and focus on something else. Lunch was still an awkward affair, with the two of them having no one else to sit with. Needless to say, it was unbearable.

…

“You’re going to need to pay attention to this, exams are coming up.” One of the teachers droned on monotonously. 

Karkat’s hand shot up. “What the fu- I mean what is an exam?” He asked, narrowly avoiding swearing in front of the teacher, something he had been sent to the principal’s office multiple times for. Apparently it was rude to say the word fuck and he wasn’t allowed to call his teachers hair-brained nookwhiffers. The rules were dumb, but Karkat went along with them anyways. 

“An exam is similar to a test, except it is much longer and counts for 20 percent of your grade. We’re taking them next week. Any other questions?” She answered. 

Tests were an odd concept to Karkat. In Alternia, drones schoolfed them. It was far more time effective and efficient than the human version, which, in Karkat’s opinion, was pointless and boring. What was the point of sitting around in a room for eight hours a day listening to some poor fucker who obviously doesn’t get paid enough to deal with all the teenage shitstains rant unendingly? There were so many other things the humans could be doing with their time, so why waste it like this?

Karkat had learned everything covered in the human school when he was a wiggler and couldn’t understand why the humans were still learning such basic concepts. According to Strider, most of the material they were learning wasn’t basic. To put it in his words “This shit’s mad hard, man. How in the fuck can you think this is basic knowledge?” At least that’s what he said before the fight. A pang of sadness ran through Karkat, he missed chatting with that tone-deaf crotch stain.

…

Karkat laid buried under clothes, attempting to distract himself with a romance novel. It was one of his favorites, and he had read it repeatedly. The plot was intriguing, and usually it sucked him into the universe, making him forget all his troubles. Usually. He couldn’t focus, constantly losing his place in the book in favor of glancing up at Strider every few minutes. 

A few times when he looked up, he could have sworn that Strider was staring back at him. It was hard to tell with his shades on, but it seemed like his face was tilted ever so slightly in Karkat’s direction. It would jerk back to his computer screen whenever Karkat caught him staring. 

After a few minutes of this, Strider jerked up and grabbed his bag, pulling out a few notebooks before plopping down on his bed. “Yo Karkat. Exams are coming up. Wanna study with me?” He mumbled, faking calmness. 

It was said so quietly that Karkat almost thought he imagined it. “Of course, Strider. You should be thankful that I am gracing you with my presence in order to help your incompetent brain grasp simple concepts that even wigglers understand.” Karkat jeered. Nervousness flooded his system and his heart beat a hundred miles and hour. Strider extended an olive branch of peace, and Karkat couldn’t afford to mess up their relationship for a second time. 

“What are you studying?” Karkat asked, peering over his shoulder at the open notebooks. 

“History. It is so hella confusing. How am I supposed to remember this shit? Like seriously, shit’s so wack I can’t even describe it, take my word for it.” Strider began to ramble. Karkat was relieved, Strider seemed to be returning to his normal self.

“Of course a dumbass like you wouldn’t understand it. Hand it here.” Karkat commanded. He peered at the notebook. It was open to the section on the old midwest.

“Seriously. Cowboys?” Karkat sneered. Karkat didn’t know what he was expecting. 

“Yes siree. That right there’s it.” Strider drawled in an over the top accent. Oh god, no. Strider already had a slight texan accent, but this was taking it to a whole new level of ironic cheesiness. 

“Strider, no. Don’t fucking do this. I swear to god I will throw the notebook out the window and never help you ever again.” Karkat threatened.

“Now calm down there, ‘lil missy. I’m just fixin’ to study, I got no idea whatcha talkin’ ‘bout.” Strider placated, settling down as if nothing was amiss.

“So help me if you don’t stop I will shove my foot so far up your ass you can taste it. I will do it! Don’t test me.” Karkat seethed. He wasn’t actually angry, but it was fun to argue like this. 

“Settle down there. No need to pitch a hissy fit. We’re gettin’ through this study session come hell or high water. Ya can’t give up on me now, Karkles.” Strider responded. 

Karkat huffed, but settled down nonetheless. He couldn’t help the goofy smile that spread across his face and covered it with the notebook. 

…

They gave up studying soon after they started in favor of arguing over pointless bullshit. Strider still hadn’t apologized or explained what happened, but Karkat was willing to let it slide for now. Strider had been right, Karkat didn’t know what was going on or how to fix the problem before. It was better to bide his time.

“...hey, are we still friends?” Karkat muttered. Strider sat up, surprised and turned to Karkat.

“Yeah, ‘course we are. Don’t worry about it man.” Strider assured immediately. 

“Cool. You’re still an insipid moronic bulgefuck.” Karkat grumbled, leaning his head against Strider’s shoulder.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is kind of short but oh well,, the next one will be longer I promise


	14. Chapter 14

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Dave and Karkat have to take exams

Although studying with Karkat had mostly been an excuse to dissipate the tense atmosphere, Dave would need to cram if he wanted to pass the upcoming exams. In between buying food and strifing with Bro, Dave didn’t have much time for studying, so he often found his grades slipping. 

Study sessions had become commonplace, with Karkat helping Dave remember pointless information for tests. Or at least, pointless in Dave’s eyes. How Karkat remembered all of this astounded Dave. Apparently he had learned it all before in Alternia. If only human schools could be that efficient. Spending eight hours in a classroom wasn’t his ideal way to spend the day. 

Karkat was extremely good at math, science and english, but was abysmal at history. That made sense to Dave, as the Alternian school system probably didn’t teach them a whole lot about human history, after all, why would they? It wasn’t like the human school taught Dave anything about troll history.

…

Karkat groaned, chucking his textbook across the room for the fifth time that day. “Karkles, you really gotta stop throwing that thing. If it breaks I can’t buy another, my dude.” Dave informed him.

“It’s just so dumb! Why do I need to know about some dude who attempted to sail across the world and accidentally ended up in America? Did you humans seriously believe that the world was flat? I knew you were dumb, but I didn’t realize you were that dumb.” Karkat ranted.

Dave chuckled, yeah that was kind of stupid. Humans were very stupid. Scratch that, humans are very stupid.

“No kidding. There are some people who still believe that the world is flat.” Dave remarked, not looking up from his notebook, twirling his pen.

“How? How does that even work?! They have seen people go to the moon, they know that there are other planets out there! How would the Earth revolve around the sun if the world was flat?” Karkat screeched.

“Oh, about that. For a while there people believed that the sun revolved around the Earth.” Dave idly informed. 

Karkat was practically fuming at this point. He burst off the bed and filled his lungs with air, prepared to launch into a patented Karkat rant. Surprisingly, he let the breath out calmly, deflating. He huffed and trudged over to pick up the textbook slumped against the wall. 

Karkat slumped down into the bed burying his face deep into the book. Dave leaned over, looking at the open textbook page from behind Karkat’s shoulder. “One way to remember it is with acronyms or songs or some shit like that. For example “Columbus sailed the ocean blue in 1492” rhymes and helps you remember when the hell that crusty fucker went to America.” Dave remarked.

Karkat perked up. “Holy shit, that’s not a half bad idea.” He grabbed his pen and began scribbling down rapid fire notes in his book. His tongue poked out from the corner of his mouth as his face scrunched up in concentration. It was kind of cute.

Wait, cute? Shit. Dave meant that in a completely platonic way. Dave wasn’t gay. Bros can acknowledge when their homies look pretty. It wasn’t like Dave noticed the way he smiled or the way his hair puffed up in the mornings. Dave definitely didn’t look forward to spending time with Karkat.

He jerked away from his position next to Karkat, throwing himself into memorizing algebraic formulas. There was no point dwelling on dumb stuff like that. Dave obviously wasn’t gay, and that was the end of that. He had an exam to study for and a grade to pass. 

…

How did he do that again? What did that part mean? Dave couldn’t remember. He had spent hours studying it, so why wasn’t it sticking? His leg bounced rapid fire as he chewed on the end of his pencil. He was going to fail his exams. There was no other way about it. He just wouldn’t be able to do it. 

Someone’s hand rested on his shoulder and a jolt of surprise went through Dave. Despite his surprise, he didn’t jump. Congratulations, he wasn’t a complete sissy. Karkat stared at him, a concerned expression marred his face. “You good? You seem a little bit stressed.” 

“I’m a-okay. Don’t worry ‘bout it man. I have never been better. I’ve been eating an apple a day and that doctor is staying the fuck away-” he began to say, but stopped. Karkat had a deadpan expression on his face. There was no point bullshitting Karkat.

“Uh yeah. I can’t really remember how to do this part.” Dave mumbled. Karkat scooted over to him. He was so close that Dave could practically see every single lash on his eye. 

“Oh, that part. Yeah, it’s pretty bullshit. They did an absolute crap job explaining it. This is how you do it.” Karkat explained, pulling out his notebook to explain, scribbling all over the paper. 

…

Karkat yawned, his eyes growing heavy. Dave noticed that he had been staring at the exact same page for around 15 minutes. An idea occurred to Dave and without giving much thought, he acted on it. He scooped up Karkat, carrying him over to his pile. Karkat spluttered “W-what are you doing, douche nugget?!” 

“You’re tired as shit and about three seconds away from passin’ the fuck out on my bed. You’re gonna have to sleep now. Chief's orders.”

“I am not-” Karkat’s sentence was interrupted with another yawn. His angry expression settled into one of annoyed resignation. “Okay, maybe I’m a little tired. Wake me up in a few hours so we can keep studying. I’m not letting you fail the fucking grade.” 

“Yeah, sure thing man.” Dave lied. He had absolutely no intention of waking Karkles up, that troll needed to sleep. Dave couldn’t even remember the last time he saw Karkat sleep, it had pretty much been non-stop all nighters for the past couple of days, and that wasn’t going to fly. If he told Karkat that, he would screech about sleep being for the weak or some other bullshit like that, so lying was his only option. Thankfully, Karkat was too sleep deprived to notice Dave’s lie. 

Dave debated studying a little more, but his drooping eyelids made his decision for him. If he stayed up any longer, he would probably end up passed out on the desk, and that wouldn’t be ironic or cool in any way shape or form. Even cool kids like Dave needed to sleep from time to time. 

The lights clicked off and shadows filled the room. Covers were pulled over his head as he attempted to get comfortable, a slight breeze from the fan saving him from the sweltering heat. The shades were reluctantly removed and placed on the bedside table for easy access.

The world was shut out as Dave’s eyelids slid shut. Despite his exhausted state, sleep refused to come. His mind filled with images of Karkat. The lazy smile that slowly lit up his features when he was exhausted, the cute nubby horns buried underneath his mess of hair, his scratchy voice and oversized sweaters. The warmth of another body cuddled up next to him as a movie played in the background, or staring up at the stars picking out made up constellations and laughing. His adorable overbite and soft lips. What would it be like to kiss him? Dave imagined it would be nice. 

Wait. That was wrong. He didn’t mean it like that. Dave liked girls. He didn’t want to kiss Karkat. He wasn’t gay. He didn’t like guys. He didn’t spend hours gazing at Karkat, daydreaming. Dave tried to banish the treasonous thoughts from his mind, but they refused to leave, plaguing him. After imagining what it would be like to date Karkat for the third time that night, Dave bolted up. Sleep obviously wasn’t an option tonight. His empty mind kept wandering back to dangerous territory. 

He stumbled over to his desk, his eyes still heavy with sleep. He randomly grabbed a notebook and threw himself into studying, using the flashlight on his phone to illuminate the book so as to not wake Karkat. No point disturbing his sleep just because Dave couldn’t sleep.

...

After weeks of endless studying and reviewing, exams were finally upon them. The nervousness in the atmosphere was practically palatable. The bus slowly chugged its way to school and Karkat’s leg bounced rapidly as the scenery flew by. 

“We got this bro. We know so much about this shit we could practically become college professors. That’s just how good we are at this.” Dave attempted to sooth. If Karkat didn’t ace this test, then the world would end and pigs would fly.   
Karkat scoffed, a small smile on his face. “You are fucking ridiculous.” 

Just then, the bus arrived at school. With a creak the doors swung open and students began filing off. At long last, they stood in front of the school building. It loomed over them, but Dave wasn’t worried. They had studied their asses off. There was no way in hell they were going to fail.

…

Dave gave Karkat one last thumbs up before he slipped into his exam room. It was quiet, and nearly everyone was there already. Dave slipped into one of the back seats, not trying to draw attention to himself. It was so quiet you could hear a pin drop. The clock in the front of the classroom ticked on in a steady unfaltering rhythm. 

A teacher stood up, shuffling a few papers before passing out the tests. It was a scantron. Of course it was a scantron. Whoever created scantrons was definitely evil. Whenever Dave bubbled in an answer, he always worried about whether or not he had made the pencil mark dark enough because otherwise the machine wouldn’t be able to read his answer and mark it incorrect. Or when he wanted to change his answer, there was always the fear that he didn’t erase the previous mark completely so the machine would mark it as having two answers and therefore incorrect. 

The worst part was when Dave would get multiple answers in a row. If he got C for five questions straight, it always put him on edge. He didn’t think his answers were wrong, but there was no way they would have five consecutive Cs, right? Dave swore this test was created to fuck with your mind. It reminded him a little bit of Rose. It definitely seemed like something she would do. 

Finally, the teacher reached the back row and a test was placed in front of him. 

Dave realized in surprise that he knew the answers. He flipped a couple pages into the test to see if it got any harder, but nope. Everything he studied was there, printed in black and white. Yes. Hell yes. Hell fucking yes. For once in his life, what he studied was actually on the test. Dave was near estatic. Of course, no one else would be able to tell. Cool kids don’t get giddy when they realize they realize they aren’t going to fail a grade. Acting like that would be dumb and in no way ironic. Despite that, a small smile managed to inch itself onto Dave’s face. 

Dave began bubbling in answers as the soft sounds of writing filled the room. 

…

Dave sleepily clambered up the steps of the bus. Although it had been tiring, he felt like a burden had been lifted now that exams were over. As soon as he stepped onto the bus he noticed Karkat. He was sitting by the window with his bag next to him, looking out at the school building. Dave couldn’t help but stare for a few moments. Karkat swiveled and noticed that Dave. His eyes lit up as soon as they landed on Dave. He gathered up his bag and energetically motioned for Dave to come sit. 

“I saved a seat for you because I figured no one else would let a prick like you sit next to them.” Karkat beamed. Dave smiled, he knew that Karkat didn’t mean the last part, that’s just how he was. He couldn’t say anything genuinely nice without disguising it behind insult and backhanded compliments. 

“Aww, thanks Karkles. How thoughtful of you.” Dave teased. “Speaking of which, how’d your test go?” Karkat brightened at the mention of the exam.

“Holy shit we so didn’t need to study that much. That test was so fucking easy I could have passed it blindfolded. Even a braindead wiggler could have passed that test.” Karkat bragged.

“Hell yeah man. Pound it.” He said, raising his arm up for a fist bump. Karkat, not entirely knowing what a fist bump was, essentially punched Dave’s hand, making a few of his fingers pop in the process. 

“Okay that is so not how you do that. What the fuck dude.” Dave laughed, shaking his head.

“Shut up, Strider! I don’t need this judgement from you!” Karkat screeched. Dave chuckled and ruffled Karkat’s hair. 

“Yeah yeah whatever you say Karkitty. It’s my turn to pick a movie tonight.” he said to the troll. Karkat groaned.

“No way in hell are you picking the movie! You always pick the shittiest movies imaginable. I swear to god every time I watch a movie that you pick out I lose braincells.” Karkat grumbled.

“Like the movies you pick are any better” Dave disagreed. Karkat gasped in surprise.

“Lies, falsehoods and heresy! Fifty First Dates is a fucking amazing movie, and you know it!” Karkat exclaimed.

...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Updates may be a little slower because exams are coming up. Ironically, that is also what this chapter is about. I didn't mean for it to be that way, but that's just how the timing worked out. Also, scantrons are literal hell and no one can convince me otherwise. If you don't know what a scantron is, consider yourself lucky.


	15. Chapter 15

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which misunderstandings are cleared up

“Hey, Karkles. Quick question. So I know they do that whole wack-ass “school feeding” thing in Alternia, but how does college work?” Strider asked out of the blue. Karkat had been attempting to stave off boredom by watching what was decidedly the worst movie in the entire universe. It was so horrible that the director and everyone involved in the production deserved to be culled. Who let these pan dead morons anywhere near a film camera?

“What is a college?” Karkat decided to humor Strider’s inquiry, it wasn’t like he had a whole lot better to do. Strider’s eyebrows raised in surprise. Of course, it was ironic surprise, but surprise nonetheless. 

“Dude, how can you not know what college is. Why did you bother studying so hard for that exam if you didn’t think it would impact you? We’re seniors, what do you think we would do after this?” Strider guffawed. It seemed like this college thing was important to humans. Karkat filed that knowledge away in his “POINTLESS INFORMATION I NEED TO KNOW ABOUT HUMANS BECAUSE THEY ARE RAGING DUMBASSES THAT MAKE EVERYTHING FAR TO COMPLICATED FOR NO REASON” folder. 

“How about a better question, why wouldn’t you study for a test? Also what is a senior?” Karkat inquired. None of this was making a whole lot of sense, and Strider was doing a shit job of explaining it all to him. 

“Oh wow. Goddamn, you really know nothing-” Strider mused.

“Would you get to the point before my ears begin to bleed because of your incessant rambling and I am left with no choice but to rip them off and beat you to death with them.” Karkat snarled, interrupting Strider. He knew that the man would go on for days if given the chance. Karkat had seen him carry a conversation with himself for hours. He just sat there in his room, quietly rambling to himself. At first Karkat thought that Strider was talking to him, but nope. That was just Strider being a batshit crazy human again. 

“Okay so in high school each grade is referred to by a term. Kind of. So 9th graders are freshman, 10th are sophomores, next are juniors, and last are seniors. That’s us. We’re going to graduate this year and either go on to college or get a job. Most people go to college though. That’s what I plan to do. If I can afford it, I guess.” Strider explained. That was definitely needlessly overcomplicated. Why did each grade have its own special name? Why didn’t middle school or elementary school have that? What was the point of only having specialized names for high school? Karkat decided right then and there that if he ever met the person that came up with that system, he would punch some sense into them. 

“So basically how well you do in high school determines whether or not colleges let you in for free or not. If they see that you did well, they are all like “oh hell yeah, I want that cool dude in my school. I’ll let you in for hella cheap as a bribe.” That exam we just took was like, hella important.” Strider continued. Finally, something that actually made sense and wasn’t completely backwards. It was still 100x less effective than Alternian schooling, but Karkat was willing to reluctantly admit that it was more fun. 

Strider’s face scrunched the same way it always did whenever he was worried or nervous up as an idea occurred to him. “After senior year ends, are you like, going back to Alternia?” 

God no. He loved Alternia, and it was a beautiful place, but it wasn’t for him. “Of course not, douchefuck. We are given two options; we can return to Alternia after the school year ends, or we can stay on Earth. After the school year ends I plan to move out and build a hive or something.” Karkat explained. Strider immediately relaxed. 

“Oh, that is pretty cool. You going to college?” 

“No idea. You realize that I’m broke as shit, right Strider? I guess I’ll see how much it costs before deciding.” A tiny one-pixel smile appeared on Strider’s face. 

“Dude, I have like the greatest idea ever. So Rose, Jade, John and I were all planning to go to the same college and room together. Well not all of us together, I don’t think they’d let Jade or Rose stay with us even though Rose is technically my pseudo-cousin, kind of? Honestly I’m not really sure how I’m related to her, but all I know is that we are related somehow. Family trees are confusing as shit Karkat-” 

“Get to the point.” 

“Yeah. So, like, you should, uh.” Strider stuttered. Why was he so nervous? “You know, I was thinking that maybe you could go to the same college as me. You could stay in a dorm with John and me. I mean you don’t have to, if you have a different college you want to go to I totally get it-” Hell yes. Hell fucking yes. For once in his life, Strider managed to come up with a half decent idea. Who knew that his brain was even capable of intelligent thought? Not Karkat, that’s for sure. 

“I guess I could go to whatever backwater college you decide to go to. You’d probably fail the classes without me there to study with because you’re such a moron.” Strider tried to play it off, but his excitement was obvious. Why he tried to play it cool all the time was a mystery to Karkat. It had something to do with irony and being a coolkid, but Karkat didn’t get it. It just seemed dumb. But who was he to judge?

“Cool. Yeah. Uh, that’s cool. I’m gonna go pester John and the rest of my asshole friends real quick about this update.” Strider scrambled over to his computer and began typing away. Karkat peered over his shoulder as walls of candy red text began to fill up the chat log. 

Other colors interrupted the sea of red, and soon the chat was filled with vibrant blues, greens and purples. Everybody seemed on board. Things used to be tense with Jade, but they had managed to come to an understanding. John was still a little awkward around him after Karkat announced his pitch crush on him. Now John pretty much ended all of his sentences with no homo whenever he talked to Karkat. And last but not least, Rose. God, Rose was creepy as fuck. Something about her was unnerving. It was like she dug into his mind to slowly pick it apart and analyze his biggest fears. At the same time, she seemed to be the only one in the group capable of reasonable thought. 

A though popped into his head. “Hey Strider, when humans go to college, do they move away from their lusii?”

“Yep. The majority of people anyways. We plan to stay in dorms.” Strider answered absentmindedly, still typing away at a rapid speed. Unnoticed by Strider, the cogs in Karkat’s head began to turn as a plan slowly formed.


	16. Chapter 16

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Dave and Rose converse

Keys clicked as Dave’s hands flew across the keyboard. It was some ungodly hour in the middle of the night, but neither Dave nor Karkat was sleeping. The two of them were practically nocturnal, so this wasn’t uncommon. Karkat burrowed into his pile, and the sounds of some Alternian movie drifted out from underneath the clothes. It had been months, and Karkat still insisted on sleeping in a pile of laundry. Dave had tried to dissuade him, but he had to hand it to the little dude, Karkat was determined. Every once in a while, Dave would switch out the clothes in Karkat’s pile for clean ones. He didn’t tell Karkat about that, because the troll was weird about people touching his shit. Karkat noticed that the clothes in his pile changed, but he didn’t comment on it. 

Dave let out a sigh as the page he had just clicked on took forever to load. Goddamn ironically shitty wifi. He had fallen down another internet wormhole, and was in the middle of watching some dude balance rocks. The video got boring after a while so Dave closed it, scrolling through his recommended, searching for entertainment. 

Dave scrolled past most of the videos before spotting one that grabbed his attention. The video was titled “Quadrants for Dummies.” Dave had never bothered to learn about quadrants before. They always seemed boring and overcomplicated. On top of that, why would he ever need to know how they worked? Karkat had tried to explain them once, but Dave hadn’t paid attention. He was beginning to regret that. Quadrants seemed really important to Karkat and Karkat was really important to him. In a totally platonic way. Karkles was his best bro, of course he cared about him. 

Having nothing to lose, Dave clicked on the video and settled down for a long and boring explanation. Before he did so, he double checked that his headphones were plugged in. Karkat didn’t need to know about this. As predicted, the video was terribly tedious and a drag, but Dave liked to think that he learned something. 

…

“Strider, shut your ignorance tunnel this instant before more bullshit spews out of it or I swear to god I will shut it for you.” Karkat threatened, curled up next to Dave. He was so close that Dave could practically count each one of his eyelashes. That would take forever though, because god damn Karkat had some thick eyelashes. They made his eyes look beautiful. Not that Dave was staring at Karkat or anything, that would be weird. They were only this close because the blanket was small. Totally. 

“I don’t know man, the plot just seems kinda wack to me. Like goddamn they could not have made this thing more needlessly overcomplicated if they tried. We have reached max over complication here. I didn’t even know it was possible to reach max over complication, but here we are. The actors and the set crew are so confused, they completely forgot what was going on fifteen minutes ago because of how complicated it is. Even the director has no idea what he is doing. He's all like “hey man, does anyone remember the plot? ‘Cause I sure don’t,” and some other dude is just like “Nah man, it’s fine, just add some more bullshit in there and no one will notice,” but I noticed. Nothing can escape the Strider.” Dave blabbered. The movie wasn’t actually that confusing, but he liked to fuck with Karkat. 

“Dude, no. Stop. We both know that is bullshit.” The troll growled back.

“Nah man. Like what the hell? I thought those two were “my-rails” or whatever, but now they aren’t? What the fuck happened there? It makes no sense.” Dave responded. He knew full well it was pronounced moirails, but it was fun to see Karkat rant every time he fucked up a word that badly. It was like watching a volcano explode, except way less dangerous and way more cute.

“Strider, for the last time, it is pronounced moirails. I swear to god I have explained this fifty times already! Do you need me to pull out the chart and explain it all over again? Because I will! Don’t think I won't!” Before Dave could even say a word, Karkat was scrambling off the bed to grab a quadrant diagram. 

He had heard Karkat’s rant about quadrants so many times he could practically recite it word for word at this point, but he didn’t mind. It was nice listening to him rant about something he was passionate about. Karkat was so painfully earnest, but Dave found it endearing. 

…

\- - TurntechGodhead [TG] began pestering tentacleTherapist [TT] - -

TG: sup

TT: Hello, Dave. Is there any reason you are contacting me, or are you just here to ramble for three hours straight?

TG: im insulted

TG: i was over here thinking you valued my conversations and you just straight up betray me like that

TG: my heart has been broken rose it shattered into a million pieces and will never be fixed

TG: i went to like three separate doctors but none of them could do anything about my broken heart and now i am in crippling debt 

TG: im going to have to sell the house, rose

TG: i have to move into some crappy two star motel that constantly smells like mold and weed

TG: youd think that because weed and mold have such potent smells one would cover up the smell of the other but nope

TG: they just egg each other on making my life infinitely worse 

TG: why did you have to go and break my heart like that??? was it worth it rose??

TT: Are you done yet?

TG: ….

TG: not yet

TG: eventually im fired from my job because my boss thought i was smoking weed because i constantly smelled like it due to that stupid motel

TG: and now im broke as shit eating crappy instant noodles thinking about where my life went wrong

TG: okay now im done

TT: Interesting…

TG: oh god are you furiously scribbling away in the psychoanalysis journal you keep on me again?

TG: i swear to god not everything has some underlying meaning

TG: cant a guy just spin some long winded metaphor about his crumbling life in peace

TG: what is it with you and constantly trying to pick apart my brain

TG: like every time i make a single typo you always have something to say about freudian slips

TG: i mean i like freudian slips as much as the next gay but goddamn this is getting out of control

TT: What an odd way of phrasing that.

TG: ????

TG: youve got to be fucking kidding me

TG: *guy

TT: Say, Dave, what are your feelings on the topic of homosexuality?

TG: dude no

TG: im *not gay* cmon dont start this

TT: You know, if you were, there wouldn’t be anything wrong with that. 

TG: ive liked girls before i cant be gay

TT: You are aware it is possible to like both girls and boys, yes?

TG: well i dont

TG: case closed folks time to go home

TG: sorry to break it to you but you got all dressed up in your sunday best for nothing

TT: Well I suppose if the case is closed, there isn’t anything I can do about it. On a different subject, how is life over in Texas? I hear you’re hosting an exchange student. 

TG: oh hell yeah

TG: i got this shouty dude called karkat hes funny as shit

TG: like he is so hella passionate about everything

TG: his volume is constantly locked on max and its kinda adorable how worked up he gets about rom coms

TG: uh

TG: i mean adorable in a totally platonic way

TT: Oh I’m sure. I’m hosting a troll as well. Her name is Kanaya and she’s rather breath taking, to say the least.

TG: oh shit i cant have some random troll replace me as your best friend

TG: rose youve already broken my heart dont take this from me too

TT: You don’t have to worry about her stealing your position as best friend. I don’t like her in that way.

TG: wait but i thought you said you thought she was cool?

TT: Dave, you are a wonderful friend, but you can be rather dull witted at times. I meant that we are dating. 

TG: oh

TT: Are you still there? You haven’t said anything in a few minutes.

TG: yeah uh im here

TG: sorry i just spaced out for a lil bit there

TT: I hope this doesn’t change the way you think about me.

TG: no dude not at all

TG: i dont really care if you are gay straight bi or whatever as long as you are happy

TG: just a little shocked

TT: What about this is shocking, Dave? I don’t exactly hide my sexuality.

TG: does everyone else know?

TT: Jade has pretty much always known and John figured it out a little while ago.

TG: i cant believe i was the last one to know

TT: Honestly I had assumed you were already aware. That being said, don’t you have school tomorrow?

TG: well i mean yeah but like sleep is for the weak

TG: also the teachers are assigning like no work cause we just had exams

TT: Dave, it is four o’clock in the morning for you.

TT: Go to sleep.

TG: valid argument but consider this

TG: …

TG: yeah ive got nothing

TG: wait why arent you asleep??

TT: New York is one hour ahead of Texas, so it is five over here. I just woke up.

TG: what the fuck who wakes up at five??

TT: I do. Now goodnight, Dave. 

TG: you are fucking weird 

TG: gnight rose

\- - TurntechGodhead [TG] ceased pestering tentacleTherapist [TT] - -

…

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i know the chapter is kinda short, but i felt like this was a good place to end it


	17. Chapter 17

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Dave and Karkat go to Olive Garden

The minutes trudged by at a sluggish pace. Although there were only thirty minutes left in the school day, it felt like an eternity. Science was by far one of Dave’s least favorite subjects. Not necessarily because he didn’t like science, but because the teacher was such a hard ass. Getting an A+ in the class was practically impossible, but somehow Karkat managed. If Dave didn’t know the troll any better, he would have thought that Karkat was cheating. 

Dave tried to pay attention to what the teacher was saying, he really did, but it was just so boring. Within a few minutes he had reverted back to doodling ironic sketches in his notebook. Most of his teachers scolded him for drawing all over his notebooks, but that didn’t stop him. Half finished drawings of Sweet Bro and Hella Jeff littered the pages. Dave tried his best to make them as shitty as possible, but it just wasn’t the same as when he drew them digitally. 

Giving up on yet another Sweet Bro and Hella Jeff doodle, Dave turned the notebook page to begin anew. Dave didn’t have a clear picture in mind, lazily sketching new lines. It wasn’t like he had anything better to do anyways. 

The bell rang, snapping Dave back into reality. “Don’t forget to come over to my desk to see your exam results,” the teacher called out to the class. Damn, had it really already been half an hour? Dave began shoving his books into the backpack, blatantly disregarding any form of structure or organization when he reached the notebook he had been doodling in only minutes before. On the page, in sketchy lines, a drawing of Karkat smiled up at him. His mess of teeth were on full display and his eyes were crinkled with happiness. Surprise jolted through Dave, he hadn’t even realized that he was drawing Karkat. He hurriedly closed the notebook, embarrassed, and crammed it into the depths of his backpack. 

So what if he occasionally drew pictures of his best friend? People did that all the time. It was perfectly normal to feel jittery and light hearted, right? Yeah. Completely. Nothing to see here, no romantic feelings at all. After all, Dave had liked girls before, so there was no way he could like Karkat like that. But hadn’t Rose said something about liking both guys and girls? Was that a thing? Dave banished the thoughts from his head. He wasn’t going to deal with this today. 

He approached the teacher’s desk to pick up his test, nervous with anticipation. “Hello there, Dave. Give me a moment to find your exam,” she said, shuffling through a stack of papers. After a few moments, she plucked a sheet from the pile, holding it out to Dave.

“By the way, congratulations on your improvement. You have been doing a lot better in school lately,” the teacher commented idly before returning to her computer. Dave all but snatched the paper out of her hand, eagerly looking over it. 

Holy shit. He got a 91%. That was the best score he had gotten in a while. On the inside, he felt ecstatic, even allowing a minuscule smile to slip onto his face. He couldn’t wait to tell Karkat. The troll probably aced it. They would have to do something in order to celebrate. Dave was already planning it out when he slipped out of the classroom.

…

“Yo Karkles, guess what?” Strider said trudging down the bus aisle to join Karkat. The troll peeked up from his book to glare at Strider. 

“What is it this time you insufferable douchebag?” Karkat replied good naturedly. 

“Bam, take a good look at this.” Strider rummaged around in his backpack for a few moments before retrieving a piece of paper and shoving it at Karkat. Karkat grumbled, but closed his book to look over the paper. It was the exam they had taken recently, and lo and behold, Strider didn’t fail. In fact, he did pretty good. Karkat felt a little proud, all of those study sessions paid off in the end. 

Of course he didn’t say as much out loud. What came out of Karkat’s mouth was a scoff. “Only a 91? I’m disappointed in you, Strider. Feast your gander bulbs on this!” The troll proudly displayed his test, which he had gotten 100% on. Strider presumably rolled his eyes, but one could never tell with those dumb shades of his. 

“C’mon man, that doesn’t count. You had weird alien school so you know all this shit already. That ain’t fair, my man,” Strider protested. 

“Oh fuck off, Strider. Even without Alternian schoolfeeding, I still would have aced the test and we both know it. That’s just how great I am!”

“Yeah, you are great.” Strider muttered absentmindedly. A moment passed and neither said anything. Strider then realized what he just said and rushed to correct himself. “I mean great at being loud. I swear to god I have never met anyone as loud as you. Is this a troll thing, or just a you thing?” 

“I’m not even that loud and we both know it!” Karkat defended. After a moment he softened and said “You’re decent as well.” To hide his embarrassment he buried his face in his book. Strider looked a little shocked at first, but Karkat noticed a small grin. It was so small that most people would have missed it entirely, but Karkat noticed. 

…

The afternoon was hazy and the fan was turned on at full blast, but to no avail. There was simply no beating the heat. Karkat flipped through the pages of what was probably yet another romance novel. Dave hadn’t taken a good look at the book, but knowing Karkat it was almost certainly some trashy rom com. Dave laid on the bed, simply staring up at the ceiling, letting the cool air from the fan wash over him. They weren’t doing anything or exploring, but neither minded. Sometimes just sitting and having a lazy afternoon was nice. 

Karkat’s stomach made a grumbling sound. Huh, it was nearly dinner time, wasn’t it? Dave mentally took stock of the food he had in his closet, there was an abundance of apple juice, doritos, instant noodles and chips. Normally they made for a decent dinner, but Karkat and Dave had just aced their exams, they deserved a treat. Recently Dave had been going out less in order to save up some money, so he could afford to splurge a little. 

Where would they go though? McDonald’s and Burger King were always valid options, but Dave wanted to take Karkat somewhere nice. Well, nice-ish. Dave was on a budget over here. Finally, an idea popped into Dave’s head. Olive Garden. Dave’s favorite restaurant of all time. Who didn’t love infinite breadsticks? The best part about Olive Garden was that he could smuggle extra breadsticks home to eat later. 

Dave sat upright and turned to Karkat. “My dude, we’re going out to eat. Wear your fanciest grey sweater, ‘cause this place is classy.” 

“What cretinous fuming clusterfuckery are you pulling me into this time?” Although his voice was gruff and annoyed, Dave could tell that Karkat was excited. 

“I figured since we aced our exams we should go out to eat in celebration. Also, trust me, you will like it.” Karkat eyed him suspiciously.

“Last time you told me to trust you, it ended horribly. I now trust no one and nothing. I don’t trust you, I don’t trust Rose, I don’t trust Obama. Nobody. I have lost all faith in the world,” Karkat scowled, but he got up and began preparing to leave the apartment anyways.

Dave gasped in mock surprise. “Not Obama! C’mon Karkitty, how could you not trust Obama?” 

…

After a short train ride into town, they arrived in front of what was possibly the most amazing building in the entire world. They were at the one and only Olive Garden. Technically it wasn’t the only Olive Garden, but that didn’t matter. “In what parallel fucking universe would this be considered fancy?” He screeched.

Dave shushed him immediately. “Dude, keep it down. Can’t you see this is a high class establishment?” Karkat fumed a little, but eventually he quieted down. Well, as quiet as Karkat could get. It was kind of like someone trying to scream and whisper simultaneously. It didn’t really work, but it was charming in its own way. The voice. Not Karkat. Not that he thought Karkat’s voice was sexy or anything. God, Dave was just digging himself into a deeper hole the longer he continued. 

Dave and Karkat sat down at one of the booths, because let's face it, the booths are far superior. And if this was Karkat’s first trip to Olive Garden, he deserves the best. When the waiter came, Dave ordered the same pasta he always did. Karkat, on the other hand, was utterly unprepared, scrambling to pick something. “Dude, just get pasta, that shit is mad good.”

Karkat huffed in defeat and ordered the same thing as Dave. “If this sucks, I’m blaming you,” he threatened. 

“Yeah, whatever, as long as you help me steal bread sticks,” Dave responded.

“I- what?” Karkat seemed confused at this. His face scrunched up and he swiveled to stare at Dave. 

“The bread sticks. We need to steal them when we leave. The first rule of Olive Garden is to never leave a bread stick behind.” 

“When the fuck did that become a rule?” Dave nearly burst out laughing, Karkat honestly couldn’t tell whether or not it was a legitimate rule.

“Yeah dude, it's a thing. If you leave even a single breadstick when you leave, they arrest you.” For a split second, Karkat believed him, and it was gold.

“What- No it’s not! Strider if you don’t stop spouting blasphemous nonsense I will strangle you!” Just as Karkat shouted this, the waiter returned with drinks and breadsticks. If the waiter was disturbed by Karkat’s threats or screaming, she didn’t show it. She looked like she didn’t get paid enough to give a shit about anything or anyone. Guess that’s what happens when you work a minimum wage job. 

As the waiter left, Dave turned to Karkat. “Hey, how many of these things do you think I can eat at once?” he asked. Karkat paled, knowing that Dave would proceed to embarrass the both of them.

“Strider, no. Don’t do this. I don’t feel like getting kicked out of the restaurant today.” Karkat begged. However, it was already too late, and Dave was already shoving breadsticks into his mouth. 

“Just know that if your dumbass begins to choke, I will leave you to die,” Karkat promised. A few minutes later and Dave had managed to successfully eat five breadsticks at once.

“I am appalled. That was fucking disgusting. What the actual fuck. Congratulations, you have permanently traumatized me.” 

“You are only saying that because you know you could never beat my record,” Dave goaded. It would be funny as shit if he could manage to rope Karkat into this as well. Eating obscene amounts of breadsticks was an Olive Garden tradition, and he would be damned if they broke tradition. 

“What? No I’m not!” Karkat defended vehemently. He was far too easy to trick into bullshit like this.

“Uh huh. Prove it then.” The troll looked like he was going to say no for a minute, before he reached out and snatched the breadstick basket. Hell yes. Hell fucking yes. It’s happening my dude.

Simply by sheer will and determination, Karkat managed to eat six breadsticks at once. Dave knew Karkat only did it to spite him, but it was amusing to watch either way.

“Holy shit dude that was impressive,” Dave said, slightly awed. 

“Of course it was. I told you I was far superior to you,” Karkat boasted.

By the time the pasta arrived and they finished eating, Dave was completely full. It probably hadn’t been a good idea to eat so many breadsticks, but it was too late to go back now. Right before they left, Dave shoved as many breadsticks as he could fit into his backpack. The waiter noticed, but again, she didn’t get paid enough to give a shit.

“Good god dude when we get home I am going into a fucking food coma,” Dave groaned, trekking back to the train alongside Karkat. The troll hadn’t eaten as many breadsticks as Dave had, so he was fine for the most part, the lucky bastard.

“What were you fucking expecting, Strider?” 

“It was worth it and I regret absolutely nothing,” Dave responded, content. His stomach hurt, but other than that, he was feeling better than he had in a long time. He was having fun, sitting with Karkat, fucking around, arguing. It was a good distraction from wondering when the next strife was going to be, or where Bro had laid out traps. He wished that that moment never ended.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wrote this at like 5 am, if you notice any mistakes feel free to tell me. I try my best to edit but I can only do so much. That being said, thank you all so much for reading, it really makes my day! ^.^


	18. Chapter 18

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Karkat and Kanaya talk

Strider staggered into the apartment. He was hunched over, complaining about his stomach. He had been like that ever since he insisted on eating on gobbling down four baskets of breadsticks. Karkat had tried to warn him, but he refused to listen. The troll strolled in after him and closed the door. Because he wasn’t fucking dumb and didn’t eat an entire ass mountain of breadsticks, his stomach didn’t hurt as much as Strider’s. 

As soon as Strider entered his bedroom, he flopped down on his bed. The bedsprings creaked underneath him as his weight settled onto the mattress. “Take off your glasses, dumbass. It’ll be uncomfortable as all hell if you sleep with them on,” Karkat pestered. 

“Nah man, I can’t move. I died and ascended to heaven. You’re going to have to arrange the funeral for me. I want sweet bro and hella jeff memorabilia everywhere, and I expect Never Gonna Give You Up by Rick Astley to be playing on repeat the entire time,” he groaned, his voice muffled by the blankets. Fine, if he wanted to sleep with those uncomfortable fuckers on, that was his problem. 

It wasn’t like Karkat was his moirail, so why did he care? Having a simple pale crush on Strider would have been annoying enough, but oh no, Karkat was just too much of a freak for that. His emotions ping ponged around all of the quadrants at light speed. First he felt pale for Strider, then flushed, then pitched, then flushed again… On and on it went. It had been like this with Terezi as well, until she got sick of Karkat’s constant flipping and decided to dump him. To make matters worse, Strider’s species didn’t even have quadrants. It was hopeless. Karkat knew that, but for some reason his stupid emotions wouldn’t go away.

Karkat gave up with a huff, and marched back to his pile. He settled down into it and began shifting through his selection of novels, trying to find something to read. He had read that one yesterday, that one was boring, that one was too predictable, the characters in that one were dumb… Why didn’t he have any good books?! Was it really that hard to find a decent novel? Nearly all of the human books were boring and overly simplistic. He couldn’t understand how they survived with such a backwards and dumb romance structure. And on top of that, they had this weird bias against humans from the same gender falling in love. What was with that? 

Apparently it was called “homosexuality” or something like that, but Karkat ignored it for the most part. It was frankly the dumbest thing he had ever heard of, and he had hear a lot of dumb shit. Shoving the books aside, Karkat reached for his computer. As he opened it up, the trollian icon caught his eye. It had been a while since he had messaged any of the brain dead nook whiffers he referred to as friends, hadn’t it? Karkat couldn’t help but feel slightly guilty at that. It wasn’t like he meant to, it had just been so busy what with exams and adventuring with Dave.

Opening up the application, Karkat clicked on the least annoying person in his friend group, Kanaya, and began to troll her. 

\- - carcinoGeneticist [CG] began trolling grimAuxiliatrix [GA] - -

CG: HELLO KANAYA. IT HAS BEEN A WHILE SINCE WE LAST SPOKE SO I FIGURED I SHOULD MAKE SURE YOU HAVEN’T DIED YET. 

GA: Salutations To You As Well, Karkat. How Has Earth Been Treating You?

CG: IT IS BULLSHIT PER USUAL. I SWEAR TO GOD THE FAMILY HOSTING ME IS A FUCKING NIGHTMARE. I’M STUCK LIVING WITH THIS INSUFFERABLE PRICK WHO IS COMPLETELY FULL OF HIMSELF. ON TOP OF THAT, HE NEVER SHUTS THE FUCK UP. I THOUGHT I TALKED A LOT, AND THEN THIS DUDE CAME A LONG. LIKE HOLY SHIT, HE SHOULD WIN AN AWARD FOR TALKING THIS MUCH. I’M SURPRISED HE HASN’T TALKED HIMSELF TO DEATH YET. HOW HAS HE NOT GOTTEN SICK OF HIS OWN VOICE? TO BE FAIR, HE DOES HAVE A PRETTY NICE VOICE. BUT THAT DOESN’T EXCUSE HIS BULLSHIT METAPHORS. I HOPE TO GOD YOUR HOST FAMILY ISN’T AS BAD AS MINE.

GA: I’m Sorry To Hear That. Although I Didn’t Quite Get Along With My Host Family At First, I Managed To Get Rather Close To Them. I Have Found Rose To Be Rather Entrancing. Speaking Of Which, I Have Some Important Information To Relay To You.

CG: OH GOG, WHAT THE FUCK IS IT THIS TIME?

GA: Well, I Wished To Inform You That I Recently Filled My Flushed Quadrant. 

CG: HOLY SHIT. 

CG: WHEN THE HELL DID THAT HAPPEN? WHO IS IT? PLEASE TELL THEM THAT IF THEY EVER FUCK WITH YOU I WILL PERSONALLY RIP OUT THER INTESTINES AND FEED IT TO THEM.

GA: It Happened A Little While Ago, However I Haven’t Gotten The Chance To Get In Contact With You Lately So I Was Unable To Inform You. 

CG: I KNOW. THINGS ARE A LITTLE BUSY OVER HERE SO I HAVEN’T HAD THE CHANCE TO TROLL ANYONE. PAST ME IS A DUNDERFUCK WHO DOESN’T KNOW HOW TO APPRECIATE HIS FRIENDS. I’LL TRY TO BE ONLINE MORE IN THE FUTURE.

GA: It Is Quite Alright, Karkat. There Is No Need To Worry About The Past. This Is Partially My Fault As Well, I Have Been Preoccupied With My Girlfriend. I Mentioned Rose Before, She Is From My Host Family, And We Recently Started Dating After She Asked Me Out. 

GA: I Can Assure You That She Would Never Hurt Me, So Threats Won’t Be Needed, Although I Appreciate The Sentiment. 

CG: I’M HAPPY FOR YOU, YOU DESERVE SOMEONE WHO ISN’T A FUCKING ASSHOLE. HOW DOES DATING A HUMAN WORK, THOUGH? I THOUGHT THEY DIDN’T HAVE QUADRANTS.

GA: Well, They Don’t, But Rose And I Don’t Particularly Need Quadrants. We Know We Love Each Other, And That Is Enough For Us. I Only Refer To Her As My Girlfriend Or My Matesprit For Simplicity, Although The Term Doesn’t Exactly Fit. 

CG: YOU-

CG: YOU CAN DO THAT? JUST COMPLETELY IGNORE QUADRANTS?

GA: It Isn’t Unheard Of. The Sufferer Didn’t Exactly Use Quadrants Either. His Love For The Disciple Went Beyond Quadrants, Similarly To What Is Happening With Rose And Me. 

CG: HUH. I NEVER REALLY THOUGHT ABOUT IT LIKE THAT. 

GA: Enough About Me, Tell Me More About This So Called “Insufferable Prick” You Live With. It Sounds As Though You Are A Tad Fond Of Him.

CG: HELL NO. FUCK NO. I AM IN NO WAY “FOND” OF STRIDER. HE IS A DOUCHEBAG AND A FUCKING IGNORAMUS. SERIOUSLY, THAT NOOK SUCKING PAN DEAD IDIOT WOULDN’T BE ABLE TO TELL AN ABLUTION TRAP FROM A BARK BEAST. 

GA: Oh, I’m Sure. Pardon My Incorrect Assumption, I Can’t Fathom How I Came To That Conclusion. 

CG: EXACTLY. 

CG: WAIT WAS THAT SARCASM?

GA: Won’t You Look At The Time? As It Is Getting Rather Late, I Must Be Off. It Was Lovely Speaking With You, Karkat. 

CG: KANAYA WAIT NO I SWEAR TO GOG-

\- - grimAuxiliatrix [GA] ceased trolling carcinoGeneticist [CG] - -

CG: AND SHE’S GONE. FOR FUCK’S SAKE.

CG: IT DOESN’T MATTER EVEN IF I LIKE HIM. HE IS TOO IGNORANT TO UNDERSTAND QUADRANTS, AND EVEN IF HE DID, HE WOULDN’T WANT TO BE IN A QUADRANT WITH ME.

\- - carcinoGeneticist [CG] ceased trolling grimAuxiliatrix [GA] - - 

Karkat sighed, closing his laptop in frustration. No one needed to know about his dumb crush. It was fruitless, and it would go away eventually. That is what Karkat had been telling himself. It had been weeks, and the stupid crush still wouldn’t go away. With his constant quadrant flipping, who would want to be in a relationship with him? Kanaya had mentioned something about romance transcending quadrants, but that was crazy, right?

There was no way someone could just ignore quadrants entirely, that would be ridiculous. Getting his hopes up was pointless, they’d only be crushed in the end. Still, the thought wouldn’t leave his mind. With little else to do in the small room, there was nothing to distract him. Karkat thought about waking Strider up in order to get his mind off the topic, but the idea was quickly squashed once the troll peered over at him. He was sound asleep, snoring softly. For once, he actually looked comfortable and relaxed. Strider was always so tense and he hardly ever slept, so Karkat decided to let him sleep. 

The troll tried reading one of his novels, but his mind kept wandering back to Strider and messy relationship bullshit that he wasn’t willing to fucking deal with, which made him lose his place in the book. Sitting around obviously wasn’t working. Karkat needed to walk around and actually do something. Exploring the city wasn’t an option without Strider, since the troll would get lost, so Karkat decided to explore the apartment instead. 

He had only seen Strider’s room, the bathroom and a little bit of the living room. It was odd that he had seen so little of the hive, considering that he had been living there for a handle of months now. Strider had been pretty cagey about him wandering around the hive. Karkat figured that Strider was worried about him running into the lusus, which made sense, he guessed. Then again, Rose had said that human lusii weren’t normally like that.

Karkat hesitated, what if the lusus was home and it noticed him? It had seemed a little aggressive towards him before, what if it attacked? The troll pushed the thoughts to the back of his mind. He would check to see if the lusus was there. If it was, he would stay in the bedroom. He was bored, but not that bored. If it wasn’t, he would go explore. 

Karkat approached the door and cracked it, peeking out. The rusty hinges let out a quiet creak, and Karkat froze, tensing in preparation in case something lunged at him. All was still, and after a few moments, the troll allowed himself to relax. He scanned the living room, and seeing nothing, he shakily opened the door the rest of the way. 

His feet made a soft sound as they padded across the floor. To Karkat, the noise seemed amplified, as though the sound was echoing throughout the apartment. His heart thudded in his chest, a steady rhythm. Karkat took a few more tentative steps, and he was already in the middle of the living room.

No lusus so far. Karkat let out a breath he hadn’t realized he had even been holding. He peered around the living room. Like Strider’s room, wires slithered across the floor. They were hooked up to various pieces of equipment. Stereos, turntables, computers and mixing devices Karkat didn’t even know the name of. Unlike Strider’s room, those weird puppets were everywhere. “Smuppets” Strider had called them. They were bright, garish colors and had odd proportions. At least that other puppet, lil’ Cal, wasn’t there. It was by far the most eerie thing that Karkat had seen since he came to Earth. Something about it was just off. 

Ever since first coming to the apartment, he had seen it in random places around the living room while leaving for school. Sometimes, out of the corner of his eye, he swear he saw it move. It’s eyes were just too lifelike to be normal. A shudder ran through Karkat. 

He wandered over to the one room of the house he had never been in, the meal block. Most people would keep their food here, but not Strider. He was too cool for that, obviously. Strider was ridiculous. Why keep your food in a closet, when there is a perfectly good meal block? There were a bunch of strange human contraptions he had never seen before in it. 

Karkat cautiously approached one of the devices. It was shaped like an oddly sized cup with what looked to be knives inside of it attached to a stand with buttons on it. “BLENDER” was printed on the base in bold silver letters. A small green figurine stood trapped inside the cup. Karkat began to fiddle with the buttons out of curiosity, and suddenly the blades inside the cup began to spin.

The figurine inside was immediately shredded to pieces, releasing candy red blood. Nausea washed over Karkat. Why did it have to be that horrid color? To make matters even worse, a loud whirring sound was emitted from the device. Panicked, Karkat began pressing the buttons again in an attempt to turn it off. What if the sound attracted the lusus? 

After a few nerve wracking minutes, Karkat finally happened upon the right button. The blades slowed to a stop, but the damage had already been done. Green flecks floated in a pool of candy red, and Karkat felt vomit rise in his throat. Karkat stumbled over to the hunger trunk to get a cold glass of water. 

The door was pried open by shaky hands. A clang of metal was the only warning he got before a flood of swords fell from the hunger trunk. Karkat managed to pull away just in time, but his sweater was ripped. The smallest scratch appeared beneath the cloth, and candy red blood began to bubble up. 

Karkat spun around and fled, scrambling back to the bedroom in a daze. The door was flung open and the troll buried himself as far as he could underneath his pile. What if the lusus heard the sound and came looking for him? What if they noticed his freakish blood color? The thoughts swarmed him as he sat in the dark, unable to stop his shaking.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> At least Karkat got his mind off of his crush on Dave. Also, holy lord thank you all for reading and commenting and leaving kudos, it is awesome to see people like my fanfic :DD


	19. Chapter 19

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which the hemospectrum is discussed

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> PSA: I had to retcon the last chapter a little bit. I edited a bunch of dumb errors out and changed the ending a little bit. Now, instead of just ripping his sweater, Karkat cut himself as well. It just fits with the plot more. I wrote that chapter while sleep deprived so it wasn’t the best,,, As always, thanks for reading!

A loud slam reverberating throughout the room awoke Dave. On instinct, he jerked upright, but calmed down when he realized it was only Karkat. “Hey man, what’s all the door slamming for? I’m tryin’ to get some shut eye over here,” he mumbled, not fully awake. Dave was about to turn over and go back to sleep when he realized something was wrong. Normally Karkat would have shouted an angry response back, or stomped around the room, but he was being oddly quiet. 

Dave pulled himself up and looked around the room. The room might have looked empty to anyone else, but Dave knew Karkat was just sitting in that weird pile of his. “Karkat?” he called out. No response. That was not a good fucking sign. 

Dave cautiously approached the mound of clothes and crouched down in front of it. “Karkles, I’m gonna need something to work with over here. How are you doin’?” A soft whimper sounded from somewhere inside the pile. Okay something was definitely fucking wrong. God damn it, Dave was fucking horrible at comforting people. Actually dealing with all your emotional baggage instead of shoving it deep inside of yourself? No thanks. Karkat had always been there for him whenever he needed it, so the least he could do is return the favor. 

Dave began to slowly shift some of the clothes out of the way so he could see Karkat. “Don't! Don’t move the fucking clothes!” Karkat screeched from the darkness of the pile. The shirt Dave was holding slipped out of his hand as he sat back. “O-okay. Noted. No fucking with a dude’s space. I can respect that. You’re gonna need to talk about whatever the fuck has got you so fucked up though.”

No one answered. Dave let out a sigh. Maybe he should message Rose or Kanaya. They would probably be better at the whole “emotions” thing. He studied the pile as he awaited a response, anything, from Karkat. Then something caught his eye. One of the shirts he had pulled from the center of the pile had a small splotch of red on it. It probably wouldn’t have been visible on any other shirt, but it stood out on the white cloth. 

At first Dave thought it was his blood, but he had always made sure to scrub all traces of blood from his clothes after a strife. He couldn’t let Karkat know anything was amiss, and a blood stain would raise some fucking questions. It had to be Karkat’s.

“Holy shit, are you bleeding? What the fuck happened?” Dave exclaimed. Had Karkat run into Bro? His blood ran cold at the thought. This was so much worse than he thought. “No! Of fucking course I’m not. Leave me the hell alone, Strider!” Karkat defended. His voice sounded shaky. “Listen man, if you are hurt we need to patch that shit up asap.” Dave enunciated in the calmest voice possible. No point showing Karkat how freaked out he was and making the troll more scared.

“I already told you, I’m not bleeding. That blood isn’t mine. Go back to bed.” Karkat sounded scared, no terrified. What had Bro done? Screw messaging Rose or Kanaya, he needed to make sure Karkat wasn’t seriously injured. Dave knew the troll couldn’t fight for shit, there was no way he could have held his own against Bro.

Dave could understand why Karkat wouldn’t want him to see his injuries. After all, if some dude he didn’t know that well wanted to poke around at his cuts after a strife he would want the dude to fuck off as well. The thought hurt, Dave had assumed that they trusted each other more than that, but he brushed it off. He needed to take a look at Karkat’s cuts and make sure they wouldn’t get infected. 

A small sigh was let out as Dave stood up and made a quick trip to the bathroom. He pulled out the first aid kit and surveyed it’s contents. All things considered, it was stocked fairly well. At least well enough to take care of Karkat’s wounds, however bad they were. Dave returned to the bedroom and settled himself in front of the pile once more, readying himself for what he was about to do. He hoped Karkat wouldn’t be too mad when all was said and done. 

“Listen man, I know you want me to go away, but I need to take a look at your injuries. Sorry about this.” And with that, Dave began to pull apart the pile in order to get to Karkat. Dave couldn’t be sure how bad the wounds were, but either way they needed to be bandaged up. 

When Karkat realized what Dave was doing, he flipped his shit. And not just any kind of normal flipping, it was a triple backflip off the fucking handle with fancy spins and everything. “Dave! Stop!” Karkat shrieked. One of his hands shot out from underneath the pile to claw at Dave’s arm. His sharp claws tore through his shirt like it was paper and embedded themselves into Dave’s arm, leaving thin trails of red. It stung, but Dave ignored it and kept working. 

By the time Dave had finally wretched Karkat from the depths of the pile, Karkat was a blubbering mess. Dave couldn’t make out half of the words Karkat was saying, but it seemed to be some variation of “Don’t fucking look! Just look away fuckass!” Yeah that wasn’t going to work, he was going to need to look in order to dress the cuts. Red blood seeped out from a cut in the arm of Karkat’s sweater. The weirdest part of the whole scenario was how Karkat didn’t even seem to care about the wound itself, but rather the blood. Maybe he was afraid of blood or something? Even then this was extreme, but who was he to judge?

Dave rolled up the sleeve so he could get a better look at the cut. Karkat redoubled his efforts to get Dave to let go of him, but Dave held fast. The fight seemed to drain out of Karkat when Dave finished rolling up the sleeve.

Dave didn’t think much of it, and reached over to the first aid kit and grabbed out a swab to clean away some of the blood. The cut was a lot smaller than he originally thought, it wouldn’t even need stitches. Dave let out a sigh of relief. It was safe to assume Karkat hadn’t run into Bro, then. No way in hell could he have escaped a confrontation with so few injuries. A small splotch of antiseptic was dabbed onto the cut before Dave applied a bandaid. 

As soon as he finished applying the bandage, Dave inched back a little in order to give Karkat some space. An awkward silence filled the air. Karkat was looking anywhere but him, and all the words Dave wanted to say got caught in his throat. He couldn’t express the worry or fear he felt for Karkat, or the relief that he was okay. All that came out was a stoic “What happened?” 

Karkat seemed taken aback. “What happened? That’s all you care about? No “hey Karkat what the fuck is up with your freakish blood?” Stop dancing around the gog damn issue. Just report me and be done with it.” The beginning of his tirade was filled with Karkat’s usual vigor and anger, but it simmered out, and left him weary. 

A blank stare was all he got in response. “Freakish blood? Report you? What the fuck, Karkat? Are you tripping? Did you eat something bad? I swear to god I warned you not to eat the random bullshit you find underneath the bed,” he attempted to joke. His halfhearted attempt at a joke fell flat, and didn’t help to lighten the tension. 

Karkat tucked his knees into his chest and hugged them close to himself. His entire body shook as he began hyperventilating. Dave stood frozen. Even though he was only a few feet away, it felt like the distance was insurmountable. 

Not making any sudden movements as to not startle Karkat, Dave retrieved a blanket from his bed and draped it over Karkat. That’s what firefighters did when they rescued someone, right? Wasn’t it supposed to help with shock or something? Dave didn’t say anything, and settled down nearby, slumping against the wall. If he tried to say anything, it would come out jumbled, and would probably make it worse. Dave didn’t know what happened, or what caused Karkat to freak out, so the best he could do for Karkat right now was make sure he knew that Dave was there for him. 

Time passed, Dave wasn’t sure how long it had been, and Karkat’s breathing slowly returned to normal. They both sat in silence, neither moving or saying anything. Karkat slowly uncurled from his position and turned to study Dave. After a few moments he spoke. “Strider, do you really not intend to sell me out?” His voice was cracked and unsteady, but there was a tinge of hope to it. 

“Of course not. That’s what bros are for,” Dave reassured. Bros. That’s all they were. Karkat nodded, and stayed silent for a few moments, processing the information. “What do you know about the hemospectrum?” Karkat asked in an uncharacteristically quiet voice.

“That’s the bullshit caste system on Alternia, right? Like the blood color determines your place in society or something? It seems pretty dumb to me. I mean like who the hell thought that was a good idea. That’s like saying “hey, you have black hair, therefore you are more qualified to be the president, congratulations!” How fucked up is tha-” Dave cut himself off. If he continued he would ramble on for hours, digging himself into an even deeper hole. “So basically I know nothing about it.” Dave finished.

“As you said, the hemospectrum determines your place in society on Alternia. The cooler color blood you have, the higher your position is. Fuchsia bloods are the rulers, and there are very few of them. The ranking goes fuchsia, violet, purple, indigo, cobalt, teal, jade, olive, gold, bronze, and rust. The lower ranks, bronze and rust, are essentially treated like trash and slaves,” Karkat confessed. Wow, he knew Alternia was fucked up, but he didn’t know it was that fucked up. 

“Oh, so you are a rust blood? I mean I get that you don’t really like being at the bottom of the totem pole, but humans don’t really give a shit about the hemospectrum or whatever,” Dave reassured. Karkat slowly shook his head.

“I’m not a rust blood. My blood is-” he paused for a moment, taking a breath as if mentally preparing himself for whatever momentous truth he was about to reveal. “My blood is candy red.”

This only served to confuse Dave more. “Huh, is that like, below rust or something?”

Karkat chuckled bitterly. “I fucking wish. It isn’t even on the hemospectrum. I’m a gogdamn mutant. You know what happens to mutants on Alternia? They get culled. Immediately. As far as I know, I’m the only troll with candy red blood.” His confession was solemn, leaving Dave with no response.

He sat, agape for a few moments, not knowing what to say. In lieu of words, Dave scooted closer to Karkat and pulled up his sleeve, revealing the scratches Karkat had left on his arm earlier. They hadn’t been deep, but Karkat’s claws had broken the skin, and red blood seeped out. 

When Karkat saw the blood, he was stunned into silence, eyes wide and fixated on the liquid. “I guess we match,” Dave joked. Karkat snapped out of his trance.

“Are you a mutant too?” he stuttered out.

“Nah, all humans have this color blood,” Dave replied nonchalantly. Dave always forgot how little Karkat knew about humans. To him, this was common knowledge, but for Karkat, it seemed like some treasured secret. Karkat stared at the scratches on his arm, transfixed for a few more moments. 

“I’m sorry about scratching your arm,” he mumbled. 

“It’s all good. It’s my fault for being dumb anyways.” Seriously, for all Karkat knew, Dave had been coming to murder him when he dragged him out of his pile. He could have definitely handled the situation better, but hindsight is 20/20 after all. A few small scratches were nothing. “I’m sorry for freaking you out. Are we good?” 

“You are still an insufferable prick,” Karkat growled halfheartedly at him. Dave smiled, he could tell Karkat didn't mean it. Dave held his arm out for a fist bump, and Karkat essentially punched his outstretched hand. Someone should really tell him that you aren’t meant to punch when giving a fist bump. 

Dave shakily stood himself up. “Unless you have any more deep secrets you’d like to share, I’m conking the fuck out,” he yawned as he lumbered back over to his bed. As he settled under his blankets Karkat spoke up once again. “Hey, Strider, do you mind if I-” he started. “No, never mind that is fucking pathetic.” Karkat turned around to march back to his pile.

“C’mon Karkles, what is it? We’re laying all the shit out on the table right now. Out with it.” Karkat paused. “Do you mind if I share the bed with you? I really don’t want to be alone right now.” Karkat gushed, all in one breath.

When Dave didn’t immediately respond Karkat spoke up again. “See? I told you it was pathetic. Just pretend I didn’t say anything.” 

“No- no, I mean I’m cool with it.” He peeled back the covered and scooted over, as much as one could in a tiny twin mattress. “Hop on in.” God that was fucking dumb. No one else has ever said anything that dumb in the history of man kind. Congratulations, why don’t you just go around wearing a fucking dunce cap from now on?

Karkat didn’t seem to mind Dave’s awkward response and burrowed into the bed next to him. Dave turned so he would face the wall as Karkat’s hair tickled the back of his neck. Despite its unruly appearance, it was oddly soft. Dave wondered what it would feel like to bury his face in Karkat’s fluffy bedhead of hair. 

It was nice to have someone next to him. Having the warmth of Karkat’s body curled up beside him was something he could get used to- wow that was gay. Nope this was getting into dangerous territory. Karkat didn’t like him like that, so he should stop being such a creep. Dave tried to drift off to sleep, but Karkat’s soft hair and pictures of his smile kept distracting him. Looks like sleep won’t be an option. 

Dave was fucked.


	20. Chapter 20

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which cuddles happen

Dave’s body felt as though it was weighed down by three tons. He was surrounded by blankets with a warm figure wrapped around him. His eyelids refused to open as he laid on the bed contentedly. He couldn’t even remember the last time he had slept this well. Sleep was hard to come by for him. The sound of a crow taking off in flight would have him jerk up in a cold sweat, preparing for strife. 

The figure next to him mumbled and shifted closer to Dave. Dave couldn’t help but think that the figure’s hair was surprisingly soft. If only they could stay like this forever. 

Slowly, Dave’s brain became aware of the situation. That figure was actually Karkat. He was cuddling with Karkat. He was cuddling with a dude. Dave jerked upright in surprise. Dudes don’t cuddle. That is hella gay, and Dave was clearly not gay. Karkat shifted, and Dave froze. Shit had he woken Karkat up? Luckily Karkat stilled once again.. He breathed a sigh of relief and maneuvered himself out of the bed, careful not to wake Karkat. 

Dave stumbled to the bathroom to organize his thoughts. Once the door was closed and locked, he slumped down. Okay, so he was cuddling with Karkat. And he really liked it. But that didn’t mean he was gay. Homies tucked each other in all the time. It was totally normal. 

He couldn’t help but think about his conversation with Rose. She was gay and in a relationship with a girl. She wasn’t burning in hell or anything like that. In fact, she seemed a lot happier. Dave couldn’t help but imagine being in a relationship with Karkat. Karkat, with that small smile he wore when he thought no one was looking. Karkat, with his long tirades and creative curse words. Karkat, who is unapologetically himself. When Dave glanced into the mirror, he was surprised to notice a small smile had creeped onto his face. 

Maybe, just maybe, it wouldn’t be so bad to date Karkat. Would they be able to cuddle more? Would they go out on dates? W-would they kiss? Dave felt his face begin to heat up. Okay, so maybe he kind of wanted to sorta date Karkat. Who was one of his best friends. And also a guy. So that was something.

With that cleared up, the shock drained from his system, leaving him tired. Maybe it wouldn’t be so bad if he went back into the bedroom and went back to sleep. If Karkat happened to be asleep in the same bed and they somehow ended up cuddling, well Dave wouldn’t hate it. 

The bathroom door creaked open as Dave made his way back to his room. As he entered the room, the white shirt stained with blood caught his eye and Dave was reminded of all the bullshit that went down. Karkat wasn’t safe here. Dave knew that. There was nowhere else for Karkat to go though. If they just made it to the end of the school year, then they could go off to college and stay at the dorms there. Then they would never have to see Bro ever again. As long as Dave could keep Karkat from meeting Bro for a few more months, everything would be fine. 

Dave’s blood went cold as he realized something; Karkat had made a mess in the kitchen. He had said as much to Dave when they first got into the bed. Dave was tired, so he hadn’t thought about it, but now that he was awake he realized that Bro wasn’t born yesterday, he would notice someone was there. Dave had stopped going in the kitchen years ago when he realized it was fruitless to search for food there, he would have to get it himself. Bro knew that Dave never went in the kitchen, he would be suspicious.

Dave would have to fix the kitchen up, he would have to make sure it looked like no one had ever been there, that is, if Bro hadn’t already noticed. Dave backed out of the room as quietly as he could, closing the door safely behind him. 

He crept out into the hallway. It didn’t look like Bro was here, but one could never be too sure. Dave couldn’t wait to make sure he was alone. This needed to be done now. As he reached the kitchen, Dave surveyed the damage. The swords spilled all over the floor and a red, pulpy mixture filled the blender. Luckily, it didn’t seem like any of Karkat’s blood got on the floor. Dave poured the liquid in the blender out into the sink and washed it out. Dave vaguely remembered a green figure sitting inside the blender, but it had been shredded to a pulp when Karkat turned the blender on. There was no getting it back. He would just have to hope that Bro didn’t notice.

Next came the hardest part - the swords. How Bro got them into the fridge in the first place, Dave would never know. He would have to figure it out, and quick if he wanted to make sure this all went smoothly. Maybe it was like some kind of complex game of jenga? Like if you stacked them at the right angle you could fit them in, and if the door opened they would come spilling out. 

Dave grimly set to his task, attempting to stuff as many of the swords in the fridge as possible. His first attempt was a fail. He got all of the swords in, but the swords slipped out as soon as he stopped holding them in place and the door wouldn’t close. The second attempt, the door closed, but not all of the swords fit. The third attempt, he didn’t even come close. The swords just slipped right out of his hands before he even had a chance to close the door. One of them cut across his arm, leaving a trail of red. Okay, so he was bleeding. He could deal with that. Later. First he needed to finish this.

With each failed attempt, Dave became more and more nervous. He kept glancing over his shoulder, waiting for Bro to appear. The atmosphere became tense, and Dave found himself fucking up more and more. With his attention divided, his attempts to fit the swords back in the fridge became increasingly futile. 

At long last, Dave managed to fit the swords in the fridge, and close the door. He thought he had finally done it, and turned around to head back to the bedroom, when the door burst open and the swords flooded out. The cacophonous sound was ear splitting and a sharp pain flared up in the back of Dave’s leg. He had been standing too close to the fridge and one of the weapons had nicked his leg. That was fine. He was fine. He just needed to get this done. It was fine. He would figure this out. Everything was fine. He had the situation under control. 

“What are you doing there, little man?” 

Dave’s blood ran cold. It was only a matter of time before Bro heard. In fact, he was rather lucky it took this long for Bro to appear. But it looked like his luck ran out. “Nothing much, just playing sword jenga. It’s like jenga, but 50 times more ironic-” Dave began to ramble. He cut himself off when he turned to face Bro. The man’s face was impassive. Dave could see himself in the reflection of Bro’s sunglasses. He looked terrified. Dave attempted to school his expression. Showing fear would only make it worse.

“Oh yeah? I find it a little surprising you’d open the fridge. You’ve been avoiding it for years.” Bro was clearly not buying it. Think of an excuse! Dave couldn’t let Bro know about Karkat. He had made it this far without letting them know about each other. He only had to last a few more months and he would be scot-free. “Dunno, thought it would be pretty ironic. You know how it is.” Dave tried to play his fear off as nonchalance. There was no way it worked, but he had to try.

“Didn’t look ironic to me. You looked kinda desperate there, with how many times you tried.” Shit. Shit. Shit, had he been watching the whole time? Fuck this was way worse than he thought. “Uh. That was- t-that was ironic too. You know how it is.” Dave stuttered.

“No actually, I don’t. Care to explain?” Bro said. His words were cold and menacing. 

“Well you see- its uh. It’s ironic. The whole desperation thing was an act to make it seem more ironic. I was sitting here thinking to myself, you know what is even more ironic than playing ninja sword jenga in your fridge? Playing ninja sword jenga like your life depends on it. You gotta capitalize on the irony whenever you can.”

“Huh, so there was no one else here?” There was no way Bro knew about Karkat. He hadn’t been there when Karkat opened the fridge. Right? Dave scoffed. “Who else would be here? Lil’ Cal?” Please buy it. Just leave and don’t ask anymore questions. 

Bro seemed to consider this for a few moments. Each second stretched on for a lifetime and the tension built. Don’t question it. Don’t ask about Karkat. It’s fine. Everything is fine.

“Leave the swords. Expect a strife soon.” With that, Bro disappeared. Dave let out a shaky breath, still holding himself together in case Bro was watching from the shadows. The swords Dave was holding clattered to the floor as he made his way back to the bedroom. As much as he wanted to sprint back to the room, he forced himself to walk at a casual pace. 

As soon as Dave was within the safety of his room, he allowed himself to relax. All of his energy flooded out of him as he collapsed back into the bed. Karkat shifted around to wrap himself around Dave once more. His warmth helped reassure Dave that everything was fine. Bro hadn’t found out about Karkat. Karkat was safe. Dave was fine. Everything was going to be okay. Only a few more months and they would go off to college.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> writer's block hit me like a freight train but i tried to power through. sorry if the chapter sounds stiff. as always: thank you so much for reading and tell me if i fucked up anywhere


	21. Chapter 21

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Dave and Karkat hang out

How Karkat managed to get straight A’s the entire school year boggled Dave’s mind. Frankly, it was rather unfair that Karkat was so good at pretty much everything. He was smart, funny and fucking beautiful if Dave was being honest with himself. Why the hell did God decide to give Karkat all the good qualities? 

Dave’s minor crush (yes, he was finally willing to admit it might be a crush) was spiraling out of control. He thought about telling Karkat about how he felt a couple of times, but every time he opened his dumb mouth around Karkat a tsunami of words would flood out and he would end up rambling about Obama or how fucked the economy was. The words he really wanted to say stayed lodged in his throat.

Dave was doing okay in school, all things considered. His grades had skyrocketed due to Karkat’s help and all of the teachers began to suspect he was cheating on his tests (Dave would be lying if he said he wasn’t tempted to cheat even though he never had.) There were only a few more months until the school year ended and they would be freed. 

At this point, most seniors would be throwing parties and getting drop dead drunk, but both Dave and Karkat were too unpopular to get invited to anything. People tended to avoid Dave because they were weirded out by his incessant rambling and the way he constantly talked to himself. Which, quite frankly, was their loss, because Dave was clearly the coolest kid in town. Most students avoided Karkat due to his temper and outbursts, which Dave thought was ridiculous. Karkat was a gigantic softie who would never harm a fly. Despite their lack of friends, neither particularly cared. They had each other and all of their friends online, and that was enough for them. 

Still, Dave felt bad that Karkat was missing out on the “high school experience.” High school is a time to get drunk and do dumb stuff but they hadn’t been doing much of that. Instead, Karkat’s high school experience consisted of getting stabbed by the swords in the fridge and hiding from Bro. Needless to say, it was a bit of a let down. Dave couldn’t help but feel it was partially his fault.

Maybe that was why he decided to buy beer and throw a rooftop party with just the two of them. In truth, it had been a spur of the moment decision. It had been easy enough, all things considered. The cashier working at the ramshackle convenience store clearly wasn’t making enough money to care. He hadn’t even been asked for an ID.

It had been the cheapest alcohol money could buy, and it would do just fine.

….

“Hey Karkles, wanna go hang out on the roof?” Dave asked nonchalantly later that afternoon. Karkat peaked up from his book, squinting at Dave in suspicion. 

“No, I’m good.” That son of a bitch. Dave hopped up from the bed and approached Karkat, snatching the book from his hands.

“Haven’t you already read this? Like fifteen times?” He inquired, inspecting the book curiously. 

“It wasn’t fifteen times! Now stop being such an insufferable prick and give me back the gog damn book before I shove it so far up your ass you will be able to fucking taste it!” Dave simply tossed the book onto his bed, completely ignoring a seething Karkat. 

“C’mon, you haven’t been up to the roof lately. I’ve heard it’s beautiful this time of year.”

“Texas doesn’t have seasons. No matter what time of fucking year it is, it will always look the same.” Despite his initial reluctance, Karkat lugged himself up and made his way over to the door. “Well come on, are we going or what?”

Dave smiled and opened the bedroom door for Karkat, giving an over the top bow. “Ladies first.” Karkat gave him a deadpan stare, but Dave persisted, plastering a cheesy grin on his face. 

“Seriously, Strider? How old are you, two?” Dave shrugged in response. 

Suddenly, before Dave could react, Karkat rushed at him and shoved him through the door first. “Ha! I win! Suck it, Strider!” Karkat smirked proudly, leaving the room and shutting the door behind him. 

“Who is the ridiculous one now?” Dave sniped from where he fell on the floor.

“Still you.” Karkat stretched out a hand and tugged Dave up. A small but genuine smile crept its way onto Dave’s face as Karkat pulled him towards the roof.

…

The setting sun lit the rooftop with a warm orange glow. Startled crows lifted off into flight as the rusty door creaked open. Laughter and snarky remarks filled the air as Karkat and Dave stumbled onto the roof. Dave grabbed a small pack of beer from behind the door and presented it to Karkat. “And this here is some of my finest wine. It was aged quite nicely and I tend to save it for special occasions. You should feel grateful that I’m willing to break open a casket for you.”

“First of all, that is clearly cheap beer that you probably bought from the dollar store, second of all, why the actual fuck do you have beer you grubfucking junglehumping flying shit. Isn’t it illegal or some bullshit like that?” Dave nearly broke out laughing at how scandalized Karkat sounded. 

“Don’t worry Karkles, no one gives a shit. Do you have any idea how many of the people in our grade come to school drunk as a fucking skunk every day? We’re gonna be fine.” After a few moments of deliberation on Karkat’s part, he grumbled and settled down on a small upturned crate someone had dragged onto the roof. 

“My entire existence on Alternia was illegal, what’s one more crime? But I swear to god, Strider, if this is what I get arrested for, I will scoop your gog damn brains out with a spoon, you better believe. I didn’t survive for years on Alternia just to get arrested by a human police officer for drinking cheap beer.” His voice had no real bite to it and Dave chuckled. He settled down next to Karkat and handed him a drink. 

The cool breeze ruffled Karkat’s hair as the warm air surrounded them. Since it was Texas, it was never cold. Not even during the night or winter. Dave had never actually seen snow before, but he had always wondered what it was like. 

“Holy shit this is bad. How the hell can you humans stomach this?” Karkat remarked, his face scrunched up after taking a sip. Dave just shrugged.

“I guess it's just an acquired taste. Kind of like coffee.” Dave explained, taking small sips of his beer. Karkat wasn’t kidding, it was really fucking bad. 

“What’s wrong with coffee?” The troll turned to him, looking slightly offended.

“Dunno, just tastes bad. Way too bitter. The only reason I ever drink it is cause I’m tired as shit.” 

“I like coffee.” Who the acutal fuck genuinely likes coffee? Aliens are hella weird...

“Yeah well, you’re an alien so it doesn’t count.”

“Does too.”

“Does not.”

“Does too.”

…

“What exactly is your point?” Karkat mumbled, leaning against the wall. 

“My point is- my point is… Obama. That’s my point. A genius, I tell you. Big brains. Brains the size of- uh... damn big brains.” Dave stuttered. The cold floor rested against his back as he stared up at the stars. A couple of beers had jumbled all of his thoughts. Trying to form a complete sentence was futile. 

Karkat snorted. “Jus’ shut it, I don’t want to listen to you rant yer way through another chapter of your Obama fanfiction.” Karkat tried to stand up and walk over to Dave, but couldn’t make it a few steps before he stumbled and collapsed near Dave.

Dave laughed. “Duuude, you are so drunk.” 

“Am not.”

“Are too.”

“No, no, no, no, hell to all the no-es we aren’t doing this again,” Karkat objected. That was fair enough. In all honest, the whole “yes/no” thing was pretty dumb. 

They laid in silence for a few moments, staring up at the twinkling stars. It wasn’t that dark. It never was in the center of a big city. That’s just how it was. The dim lights from the buildings surrounding their apartment outlined Karkat’s profile as he looked at the sky. 

Karkat turned to look over at Dave, and Dave quickly turned his gaze away, embarrassed to be caught staring. “Hey, Strider?” Dave expected his voice to be light and goofy, loopy from the beer, but Karkat sounded dead serious.

“Wassup Kitkat, Karkles, Karkitty, my dearest french-iest fry?”

“Is this- is this normal? Like the apartment and your bro and shit?” Dave’s blood ran cold. What had he expected? Karkat was going to figure out sooner or later. Any sane person would have noticed by now.

“Uh-” Dave stammered, but he was cut off by Karkat.

“I don’t really know what is considered “normal” for humans, but everything always seemed a little off. At first I kind of assumed that it was because humans had weird traditions- which you do- but then I talked to one of your friends and they said it wasn’t that normal. I still don’t really know what is going on, but you have to tell me what’s going on so that I can help, fuckstick. The puppets, swords, booby traps, and lusus aren’t normal, are they?” Karkat said it all at once, his words slurring together. It was as if he was afraid that if he didn’t say it quickly enough, he would lose his nerve. Damn liquid courage.

“Uh, well, Karkles-” Dave stammered. He jerked himself upright. “It’s just- I mean-” Shit, there was no way he could bullshit his way out of this one. It didn’t seem like Karkat knew too much about Bro, so there was always that. Finally Dave managed to pull himself together and form a coherent sentence. “I mean, yeah it's a bit unorthodox but tons of people have it way worse, you know? Plus two, it's all ironic.” Karkat looked even more disturbed than before. 

“Strider, you hide your food in the closet because your hunger trunk is filled with swords. Swords, Strider. That is fucked up on so many gog damn levels I can’t even-” Dave tried to say something, but Karkat barreled straight on.

“I mean yeah, some people have it worse, but so what? That doesn’t make your situation any better! Don’t even get me started on your whole “ironic” shtick! No amount of irony makes this shit okay!” At this point, Karkat was pacing around the roof, waving his hands around. 

“Karkles, c’mon you can’t seriously believe that, right? I mean you had it like 300 times worse. Dude, in Alternia people get hunted for their fucking blood.”

“Yeah! And that fucking sucks! That doesn’t change the fact that this is also fucked up! You shouldn’t have to live like this!”

“But-” Dave sighed. A little part of him always knew that all of his excuses were bullshit, but there wasn’t anything he could do about his situation. “There isn’t anything I can do about it anyways.” 

He finally stopped denying it, but he still wouldn’t tell Karkat the full extent of what was going on. “Excuse me, but yes the hell there is! You could have told me earlier! I could have helped! You could have left!” At this point, Karkat was essentially shouting at the top of his lungs and gesticulating wildly. He didn’t have a whole lot of volume control normally, but the alcohol made him even louder than usual.

“It’s not like I really could have left. Foster care is fucked up and it's not like I have any other family to stay with,” Dave muttered. “At this point, it’s useless to try doing anything. We are going to college soon, and it’ll be fine. We only have a couple more weeks left in school before we are completely gone.”

“But- that’s not-” Karkat began to say. “Fine, but after school ends we are going to go stay with one of your friends. It’ll take us a couple of weeks to pack up all of your fancy DJ equipment, but as soon as we finish doing that, we are out. I’m sure Rose or John wouldn’t mind letting us crash on their couch for a few weeks until college starts and we can move into a dorm. Got it?”

Dave nodded, it sounded like a solid plan. He felt bad about bothering his friends, but Karkat looked determined, there was no convincing him otherwise. “So basically, just avoid the booby traps and smuppets and we will be a-okay. Got it?” Karkat commanded. 

Looks like he still didn’t know about Bro, then. At least there was that. He might have noticed some things were off, but he didn’t know the entirety of the situation. Dave intended to keep it that way.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry the chapter is a little bit late! I'm not losing interest in the fic or anything, my personal life has just been a little bit busy lately.


	22. Chapter 22

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Karkat has to deal with a hangover

Karkat awoke to a near unbearable throbbing in his head. Let it be known to the world: hangovers fucking suck. He was curled up next to something warm and comfortable and didn’t want to move, but he knew he had to. If he stayed there any longer, he would probably throw up all over his pile and that was a mess he refused to deal with. Karkat groggily pulled himself up, dizziness flooded his system as his vision swam. That’s what he got for sitting up too fast, he guessed. As his sight cleared, he noticed that he wasn’t in his pile. Sprawled next to him lay Strider, his glasses askew and drooling. Karkat couldn’t help but let out a small chuckle. 

That boy could be so ridiculous. “Oh look at me I’m Dave Strider and I’m sooooooo ironic. Me? Genuinely liking something? Never. Look at my dumb fucking shades that I wear ever hour of the gogdamn day. Look at my constantly pursed lips. Now that’s ironic. You will never find a specimen more ironic than me, no siree.” Yeah right. As if Karkat didn’t see the way he spent hours drawing that dumb comic of his. Or the way that he would get this small smile on his face whenever he talked to his friends or cracked a dumb joke. 

Strider shifted and Karkat hurriedly looked away. If he woke up and noticed that Karkat was staring at him, he would never let the troll live it down. Karkat stood up and stumbled his way into the bathroom. He flipped the light switch on and as the bright fluorescent light flooded the room, he knew it was a mistake. Bright lights and hangovers? They don’t mix very well. Karkat’s headache increased tenfold as he shut his eyes and he pawed for the light switch. He finally found it and shut those gog forsaken lights off. 

Karkat cracked open his eyes once more. Dim light drifted in from the hallway, allowing Karkat to make out where everything was. Okay what do humans do to get rid of this horrid thing known as a “hangover”? Water? That seemed about right. He had seen something like that in the movies. Water gushed from the sink as Karkat filled up a glass. He hadn’t realized how thirsty he had been before he chugged the glass. 

His headache still persisted. Karkat vaguely recalled that humans typically took some kind of medicine to help with that sort of thing. Ibuprofen? Was that it? Probably. Karkat hoped so. He didn’t feel like accidentally poisoning himself today. Karkat pulled the medicine cabinet open and pulled out the ibuprofen. How many was he supposed to take? Karkat had no idea. He only swallowed one just to be on the safe side. 

Karkat refilled the glass and grabbed another one of the pills, returning to the bedroom with it. Strider was still fast asleep, he didn’t even stir when Karkat entered the room. This surprised Karkat, normally he was hyper vigilant and was always awake before the troll. He must be exhausted. Karkat initially planned to wake him up so that Strider could take the medicine and drink some water, but he thought better of it. Strider had a hard enough time getting to sleep as it was, might as well let him rest.

Karkat silently placed the water and ibuprofen on the table next to Strider and crept over to his pile, careful to not make much sound and disturb Strider. 

As he tucked himself into the pile, Karkat contemplated the previous night’s conversation. After they finished senior year, they would pack up their shit and leave. Strider would never have to look back. The troll was a little ashamed that it had taken him so long to notice how weird the situation was. Past Karkat was an unobservant dumbass. Past Karkat should have been tipped off the moment he realized that the food was being stored in the closet despite the seemingly perfectly good hunger trunk just a room over. But no, he had to be a fucking dumbass. “Oh, it is probably just some weird human thing. Humans and their weird traditions, am I right?” How the hell was he idiotic enough to actually believe that? If he could go back in time Karkat would definitely punch past Karkat. 

Karkat let out a small sigh. Either way, they only had a few more months until they would never have to see this shit hole ever again. Strider would probably need to pester his friends to ask if they could crash on the couch, but they could save that for when they weren’t hungover.

…

By the time Dave woke up, sunlight was already pouring in through the windows. Shit, how long had he been asleep? First order of business: close the fucking window. Why the hell did the sun decide to be so bright that day? Strider trudged over to the window and shut the blinds. Of course the blinds were extremely cheap pieces of shit, so they didn’t help. Still, it was better than nothing. 

Nausea and dizziness hit Dave like a freight train, so he settled into his bed. Finally, he noticed the cup of water and ibuprofen on the bedside table. Had Karkat gotten those for him? Warmth filled his chest and a dumb smile crept its way onto his face. Dave took the pill and washed it down with water before he laid back down, covering himself with his ratty blanket. 

Last night they had stayed onto the roof until the stars twinkled and the moon hung in the middle of the sky. Some of it was hard to remember, but Dave recalled the conversation about leaving as clear as day. Eventually, the beer ran out. They didn’t really mind. Karkat pointed out constellations (“Look, no look, dude, there, don’t you see it? That’s Orion.”) and Dave making up his own (“See that star? No not that one, it’s a little more to the left. Yeah that’s the one. And that one over there? Those stars make up the constellation called Snoop Dogg. If you squint really hard it kinda looks like his face.”) Light pollution made the stars hard to see, but they made do. 

The night got colder and although Dave could tolerate it, he didn’t want Karkat to have to sit in the cold. They made their way down the stairs since that fucking elevator was still broken. Dave was extra careful, using the handrail and everything, in order to make sure he or Karkat didn’t slip down the stairs. He had fallen down them before, and knew firsthand that it wasn’t a very pleasant experience. 

He remembered them meandering their way into the apartment. They leaned against each other for support, making bad jokes and chuckling softly. Bro hadn’t been home. Dave made sure of that before he began drinking. When they reached the bedroom, Dave plopped down on his bed, with Karkat following suit. The troll hadn’t bothered to move back to his pile, he was too tired and neither really minded sharing a bed. Dave actually liked cuddling with Karkat, not that he would admit it to anyone. 

Karkat. Shit. Where was Karkat? Panic flooded through Dave for a few moments before he noticed the sleeping figure in the pile of laundry. Dave breathed a sigh of relief. Karkat must have moved back when he got the medicine. It was fine. Karkat was fine. He knew it was stupid to be worried, but with Bro around one could never be too cautious. There had been far too many close calls, but they only needed to make it a few more months.

Content with the knowledge that everything was fine, Dave allowed himself to drift off into sleep once more.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i just wanted to say, yall are the best. i normally get p nervous about answering comments, but i promise i saw them all and they really made my day! thank you guys so much for reading!


	23. Chapter 23

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Dave finally gets around to talking to Rose

\- - turntechGodhead [TG] began pestering tentacleTherapist [TT] - -

TG: hey rose, rosie girl, my main man, mi amigo, best friend-o, buddy, pal, how have you been

TT: Greetings to you as well, Dave. I have the sneaking suspicion that perhaps you aren’t just pestering me because you enjoy my company. Could we quit beating around the bush and get to whatever inane issue you have chosen to bring up this time?

TG: rose im hurt how could you do this to me

TG: im out here trying to talk to my good friend because its been a quick second and you have to go and assume i have some kind of ulterior motive

TT: Dave.

TG: ok so maybe i have one teensey-weensey favor i need from you

TT: And there it is. 

TT: If you want my take on the situation, I would say that you two should quit being so neurotic around each other and go on a date. I don’t think I could stand another second of you two ridiculous idiots pining over each other. You both clearly like the other, so I can’t understand why neither of you has made a move yet.

TG: wait what

TT: We weren’t talking about you and Karkat?

TG: no

TG: dude how could you think that

TT: Oh. Well then. My point still stands, but do get on with your original query.

TG: okay your point so doesn’t stand but whatever

TG: so uh ive recently come to the conclusion that maybe my bro wasnt as cool as i originally thought 

TG: and maybe the living conditions here arent exactly live-able 

TG: did you know that some people actually keep food in their refrigerators 

TG: that shits wild my man

TT: Dave-

TG: lemme just get this all out first and then you can psychoanalyze me all you want

TT: I suppose that works as well.

TG: you know when i was younger i always looked up to my bro

TG: i thought he was so cool

TG: whenever my brain went “hey fam that shit is kinda fucked up” i always brushed it off because there was no way i could comprehend all of the layers of irony like i was so sure that there was a perfectly reasonable explanation for it all

TG: deadly weapons in the fridge? seems normal

TG: swordfights on the roof that leave you cut up and bruised? definitely some kind of ironic joke im not cool enough to understand

TG: dont even get me started on the fucking puppets

TG: whatever im getting off topic

TG: as much as you love being a therapist i dont really feel up to pouring out my heart and soul and all my nitty gritty childhood trauma over a pesterlog

TG: when it comes down to it karkat and i will need a place to crash for a couple of months until college starts up

TG: and i figured “hey i know a flighty broad with a big ass house” so i up and texted you

TG: so basically im just trying to ask if we can crash at your house for a little bit

TG: i promise karkat wont bite

TG: probably

TG: maybe

TG: you know what itll be fine

TT: Good lord, Dave. 

TT: Of course, we have plenty of room for you here. I’m sure that mother wouldn’t mind.

TT: That being said, expect an interrogation as soon as you arrive. 

TG: cant say im surprised by that

TT: Have you already begun packing? When do you plan to arrive? Better yet, how to you expect to make the trip from Texas to New York?

TG: jeez i thought we agreed that the interrogation would wait until karkat and i joined you in the big apple

TG: but to answer your questions nah karkat and i havent begun packing yet

TG: this whole thing has kinda been a super recent development so we havent had a whole lot of time to begin packing

TG: karkles and i graduate pretty soon and we are probably going to need a couple of weeks to finish packing all of our shit before we head up

TT: That is wonderful and all, but you still haven’t told me how you plan to travel half way across the country. The distance isn’t anything to scoff at.

TG: uh i havent really thought about that yet 

TG: maybe like a taxi or something i dunno

TG: i mean bro has a car but there is no way in hell he would just let us take that

TT: Taking an airplane would be the fastest way. Have you looked into booking a flight?

TG: i know you are rich as hell and all but some of us dont exactly have that kinda cash

TT: Dave, I don’t know the extent of your situation, but from conversations with you and Karkat, I have gathered that you are in a bad place. If it means getting you out of there as soon as possible, I don’t mind paying for the tickets.

TG: rose i cant just take your money like that

TG: i mean yeah that would be sweet as fuck but you are already letting karkat and i crash at your place there is no way i could ask for you to pay for that as well

TT: Dave, I can assure you that I have the money to spare. As your pseudo-sister I am insisting that you accept the plane tickets.

TG: shit cant argue with that

TG: are you double sure though

TT: Yes, for the love of God, I am sure.

TG: in that case you can bet your sweet ass that im taking you up on that offer

TG: not that i think your ass is sweet

TG: i mean i never checked out your ass or anything so how would i know if its sweet or not?

TG: cause that would be really weird if i was looking at your ass especially since we are sorta-pseudo siblings 

TG: you know what im just gonna shove my foot in my mouth before i dig this hole any deeper

TT: That is probably the smartest decision you have made today.

TT: If that is all, I must go now. Kanaya is calling me.

TG: oh in that case you should probably head out

TG: wouldnt want to keep you from your alien gf

TT: I will research a couple of airlines and come back to you with my findings promptly. It was nice talking with you, Dave.

TG: yeah yeah ill see you later

\- - turntechGodhead [TG] ceased pestering tentacleTherapist [TT] - -

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the chapter is a little bit shorter than usual, but i felt like this was a good place to leave it. as always, thanks for reading!


	24. Chapter 24

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which the author writes a whole bunch of tooth rotting fluff because why not

“Holy shit Nubs McShouty, come check this out!” Strider called from inside his closet. That insufferable prick was supposed to be helping Karkat pack their mountains of shit, but every five seconds he would get distracted by some random knick knack. 

“For the last time, Strider, I do not fucking want to see the mold growing in the corner of your closet or the rat infestation living in your sock drawer.” Karkat shouted back. They needed to focus on packing. The sooner they finished, the sooner they could get away from Strider’s asshole lusus. 

“Aw, come on Crabkat, take a break for three seconds.” 

Karkat huffed and set down the box he had been indiscriminately shoving bullshit into. This had better be good. As he trudged into the small closet, he found Strider sitting on the floor, surrounded by photographs. “Dude, take a look at all the pictures I found. I fucking forgot that I took all of these.” He mumbled, looking over the array of pictures. 

Karkat plopped down next to him to take a look as well. They had been working for a while, and Karkat deserved a break. He picked up one of the photographs at random. Karkat was sitting in some type of booth in a fairly busy restaurant. Strider presumably sat across from him, taking the picture. 

Holy shit, that was from the time they went to McDonald’s way back when Karkat first arrived. Huh, he hadn’t even realized that Strider had taken his picture. Strider leaned over to look at the picture Karkat was holding. “Jeez, that takes me back. Didn’t you try to eat the wrapper?”

Karkat blushed. “I most certainly did fucking not. You’re remembering it wrong,” he insisted. Nope. They were not fucking talking about this. Past-Karkat was the biggest idiot in the entirety of paradox space.

“You got a burger, didn’t you? Hell yeah, I remember now. You didn’t know what a wrapper was so you ate it along with the rest of the burger,” Strider chuckled. 

“Shut up! Shut up! Shut up! Shut up!” Karkat hollered, plugging his ears with his fingers. Strider raised up his hands in mock defense.

“Okay, okay, if I knew you were gonna get all bent outta shape about it, I wouldn’t have brought it up.” Strider said defensively.

“Who the actual fuck brings an alien to a gog damned fast food restaurant? Especially considering it was pretty much my first time eating at a restaurant on Earth.” Karkat mumbled. 

“Oh come on, it wasn’t that bad,” Strider defended. Although he wouldn’t say it out loud, Karkat had to admit that he was right. The troll couldn’t help but stare at the picture nostalgically for a few moments. It was crazy to think he had met Strider for the first time only a little under a year ago. It felt like Karkat had known the man his entire life.

A photograph of Strider caught Karkat’s eye, and he picked it up. Strider was wearing those stupid glasses (as always) and stood making what Karkat assumed was a “ironic” pose in front of a bunch of crows. Karkat snorted to himself. Gog, Strider could be so dumb sometimes. Despite himself, a small grin formed. 

“Oh man that’s one of my prouder selfies. I really managed to capture the true essence of irony in that one. The crows, the lighting, the pose. It’s got it all. But that’s enough from me, what does the master criticizer slash cynic Karkat think about it?” Strider asked. 

“You look okay.” Karkat mumbled into his sweater. Why did he choose now of all times to get flustered around gog damned Dave Strider? Real smooth there, Karkat. “You look okay”? What was that?!

“Didn’t catch that, you’re gonna have to speak up a lil’ bit there.” 

“I said you look gay!” Karkat blurted. What does that even mean? How does someone even look like they like people of the same gender?? Gog that was even stupider than saying he looked okay. Gog damnit Karkat, you took the worst sentence in all of existence and somehow made it even more mind rottening-ly stupid. 

“Huh, wack.” Strider replied before he continued to rummage through the closet. Smooth one, Karkat. Just about as smooth as a gravel driveway. Karkat let out a small sigh. Whenever it came to Strider, he got all tongue-tied and nothing came out right. 

“You know, you don’t look like a drowned rat in this one.” Karkat muttered, passing Strider a photograph. It was taken on the second day of school. They couldn’t exactly take a first day picture, since Strider woke him up approximately 30 seconds before the bus arrived, so they settled for a second day picture. First day pictures were overrated anyways. Strider had insisted on setting up the tripod and timer on the camera. In the picture he stood behind Karkat, who was as grumpy as ever. Strider, on the other hand, had a giant grin on his face, like he was a proud parent sending his kid off to school for the first time. It was dumb. Strider was dumb. But for some reason, it still made him smile. 

“Oh Karkat, that’s so sweet. Why, I think that is the most wonderful thing you have ever said-” Before he could finish his sentence, Karkat stood up and walked out of the closet. Nice one. 

His face burned a bright candy red. Gog why did he have to act like such a wiggler about this stupid crush.

...

“Okay, that is probably enough packing today. I’m so tired I could go into a coma for the next four years.” Dave fake-yawned.

“What? But we have literally only packed up half of your closet-”

“Nope! I’m tired, Nubnuts. We can do this all later.” Dave said as he flicked off the lights. Karkat groaned in exasperation, but relented nonetheless. In reality, Dave was worried about Bro noticing them packing. He was being paranoid and he knew it, but it was always better to be paranoid when it came to Bro. If they packed up slowly instead of doing it all in one day, it would be easier to hide. Dave didn’t want Bro to know he was leaving until he was already safe in New York, kicking it with Karkat, Rose and Kanaya. The excuse he gave was pretty much the lamest one in all of existence, but he didn’t care and Karkat seemed too distracted to question it.

Speaking of the shouty troll, he had been off the entire day. Karkat kept spacing out and stuttering when they were sitting in the closet together. On top of that, he turned all red. Maybe he was getting sick? It would probably be fine, but Dave made a mental reminder to pick up some cold medicine just in case.

…

Karkat had enough. This stupid crush had gone on for far too long. It would be simple: stand up, walk over to Strider, say “I like you” and get rejected because Strider was the straightest person he knew. Despite the fact that he knew Strider probably didn’t like him back, that didn’t stop his heart from going on overdrive whenever his crush was around. It would be better to just get rejected sooner rather than later so he could fucking get over it already.

From underneath the depths of Karkat’s pile where the troll was sitting, he could see Strider sitting at his computer working on that trashy comic of his. Karkat stood up and walked over to him. The sooner he got this over with, the better. If he didn’t think about it then he wouldn’t have time to chicken out. 

“Strider!” Karkat called. Dave turned around.

“Wassup?” he answered casually. Gog damn it, how did he manage to look so good all the time? He even manage to make those stupid fucking sunglasses look good.

“I-” Karkat started, only to freeze up. Come on, Karkat, just spit it out! Instead of continuing, he just stood there looking like a douchebag for a few moments.

Strider cocked his head. “Uh, you, what?” he asked. Nope, this was going horribly. 

“Uh- well- I mean-” Karkat stuttered. Real articulate of you, Karkat. Truly, he was doing an A+ job. Fuck it. Abort mission. Abort.

Karkat spun around without another word and buried himself back in his pile in shame. “Okay cool, great talk.” Strider uttered. He sounded a little confused and stared at Karkat’s pile for a few moments before returning to his drawings.

How did Past Karkat ever think that was a good idea? He had watched hundreds of rom coms before, and that was the best confession he could think of? Really? Gog, Past Karkat was such a disappointment. 

…

\- - grimAuxiliatrix [GA] began trolling carcinoGeneticist [CG] - -

GA: Greetings, Karkat. Rose Relayed To Me That You Would Be Joining Us In New York Sometime Soon, Although She Didn’t Mention The Specifics Of The Situation. 

GA: I Must Say, I Am Rather Excited, Albeit A Tad Confused By The Suddenness Of It All.

CG: IT'S A LONG STORY, AND ONE THAT I SHOULD PROBABLY LEAVE UP TO STRIDER TO TELL YOU. NORMALLY I WOULDN’T TRUST THAT DOUCHEBAG TO DO ANYTHING, BUT THIS IS A LITTLE BIT PERSONAL FOR HIM OR WHATEVER. 

CG: ALL YOU NEED TO KNOW IS THAT STRIDER’S LUSUS IS THE BIGGEST DOUCHEBAG IN THE ENTIRE WORLD. I KNOW, I WAS SURPRISED TOO. I DIDN’T REALIZE ANYONE COULD BE WORSE THAN ERIDAN, BUT HERE WE ARE. 

CG: THE SCHOOL YEAR FINALLY FUCKING ENDED, BUT WE ARE STILL GOING TO NEED A WEEK OR TWO UNTIL WE FINISH PACKING.

GA: My, It Is Taking You An Inordinately Long Time To Finish Packing. Didn’t You Start A Couple Of Weeks Ago When You Initially Contacted Rose?

CG: I MEAN, YEAH. BUT STRIDER HAS TONS OF REALLY DUMB FUCKING DJ EQUIPMENT THAT IS SUPPOSEDLY “SUPER FRAGILE AND EXPENSIVE” OR WHATEVER, SO IT TAKES A LONG ASS TIME TO PACK.

CG: WELL, THAT AND STRIDER INSISTS ON GOING AT A SNAIL’S PACE. HE SAYS THAT HE IS JUST TIRED, BUT WE BOTH KNOW THAT IS BULLSHIT. AS STOIC AND UNREADABLE AS STRIDER THINKS HE IS, THE MORE YOU GET TO KNOW HIM, THE EASIER HE IS TO READ.

CG: I’M NOT ONE HUNDRED PERCENT SURE, BUT I THINK IT HAS SOMETHING TO DO WITH THAT LUSUS OF HIS. HE DOESN’T WANT THE LUSUS TO KNOW THAT HE IS LEAVING, SO THAT IS PROBABLY WHY HE IS DOING IT SO SECRETLY. 

GA: Goodness Gracious, It Does Sound Rather Chaotic Over There. 

GA: If There Is Anything I Can Do To Assist You In Some Way, Please Don’t Hesitate To Inform Me. 

GA: Rose Has Informed Her Lusus About You And Dave. Her Lusus Seemed Fairly Supportive Of It All, However Rose Believed She May Have Simply Been Mocking Her. I Don’t Believe That Is The Case, As Her Lusus Booked Two Plane Tickets For You And Began Setting Up The Spare Bedrooms For You. 

GA: She Seems A Little Excited To Be Meeting Rose’s Friends, Although She Has An Odd Way Of Expressing It. 

CG: THANK GOD ROSE’S LUSUS ISN’T FUCKING BATSHIT CRAZY AS WELL. IT’S BEEN A LONG ASS TIME SINCE I HAVE SEEN YOU IN PERSON. YOU SHOULD SHOW ME WHATEVER STUPID SEWING PROJECTS YOU HAVE WORKED ON. 

GA: Yes, I Have Missed You As Well Karkat. I Can’t Wait To Hear About Everything You Have Been Up To As Well. 

CG: YEAH YEAH, ENOUGH WITH THE SAPPY BULLSHIT. 

CG: I’LL TALK TO YOU LATER, OKAY?

GA: That Sounds Good To Me.

\- - carcinoGeneticist [CG] ceased trolling grimAuxiliatrix [GA] - -

…

“What are the fuck you doing? The town hall goes over here dumbass! Who the hell would put the town hall over there? It doesn’t make any sense to put it there!” Karkat screeched. Trying to build a can town with Strider was impossible. 

After they had finished packing up all of Strider’s bullshit, the man had the brilliant idea to use the left over cardboard boxes to make a small town. Eventually, they kept expanding the town and ran out of boxes. Karkat thought that would be the end of it, but then Strider ran over to his closet and pulled out fifty cans of soup to continue building with.

The fact that Strider felt the need to store so much food in his closet made Karkat’s heart hurt. If his fucking lusus wasn’t such a douchebag and actually provided him with food, Strider wouldn’t need to do that. Whatever though. In the end, they were hopping onto an airplane to New York in a little over a week and they would never have to see Strider’s fucking lusus ever again. 

“Ok, ok jesus I’ll move it then. But we have an important issue that needs to be addressed: who is going to be the mayor of our town.” Strider said, snapping Karkat out of his thoughts. 

“Obviously I’m going to be the mayor. I would make a great mayor.” Karkat replied.

“Dude, you would make a fucking horrible mayor. Someone would say something dumb and then you would fucking explode on them. Nothing would ever get done.” Shit. He was right. Damn Dave Strider and his impeccable logic. 

“As if you’d be a better mayor.” Karkat retorted. 

“Hell yes I would. I would be the best god damned mayor this town has ever seen. Free AJ for everyone.” At this Karkat actually chuckled. Strider would be a train wreck as a mayor.

“Dude, if you were the mayor you would get up on the podium to give a speech and start rambling. No one would interrupt you because you would be the mayor and you woul dig yourself into a deeper and deeper hole with oddly homoerotic and incestuous metaphors.” Karkat snorted. Strider could pretend to be cool and unaffected as he wanted, but in reality he was a mess. 

“Shit. I hate it when you are right.” Karkat glanced over at Strider. His face was scrunched up in concentration, presumably thinking about who would make a good mayor for their can town. Honestly it was hard to tell what was going on in his head. Strider was a mess, and his thoughts were probably a rambling mess as well. It was kind of adorable, in a dorky sort of way. Karkat felt his face begin to flush and he quickly looked away. 

Strider snapped his fingers and stood up. “I’ve got it! Gimme a second.” He went into the closet and began rummaging around. When he returned, he was carrying some sort of small doll. It was wearing a sash that read “mayo”.

Strider picked up a red marker and wrote an “r” so the sash now read “mayor”. The doll was placed down next to the town hall.

“This is the Mayor. He is my best fucking friend now and I will not tolerate any criticism towards him.” Strider said proudly. Karkat had to admit that the Mayor was fucking adorable.

“Can I be his best friend too?” Karkat asked.

“Hell. Fucking. Yes. The Mayor’s friendship is a universal constant my man. You can’t not be the Mayor’s friend. That’s just how friendly the adorable little dude is.” Karkat smiled. He had to admit this was a much better solution than either of them being mayor.

Suddenly Karkat felt something warm on his hand. When he looked down curiously, he saw Strider’s hand on top of his. Oh, it was just Strider holding his hand. 

Wait.

WHAT-

“Don’t ask me how that got there. Human hands have a mind of their own.” Strider muttered. Was he blushing?

“O-oh. Cool.” Karkat stuttered. Cool? Cool?! What are you, ten? Ugh.

Karkat’s face heated up and he distracted himself by drawing a new road with his other hand. Still, he couldn’t get his mind off of Strider. Jesus, why did Karkat have to be so weird about everything. 

Still, Karkat steadfastly focused on the construction of the new residential area in their town. He refused to let his dumb crush on Dave fucking Strider stop the expansion of their wonderful can town. If the troll continued to obsess over the fact that they were holding hands, he would spontaneously combust in embarrassment. 

They sat like that, working on the town until the last rays of light finally disappeared below the horizon and night set in, allowing the light on the ceiling to illuminate their city. It was like a miniature sun for their miniature town. Karkat found it quite fitting. And for once in his life, he was happy. He wished they could stay like that forever. He wished he could stay with Dave fucking Strider forever. Who could have guessed it would turn out this way?

...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I just really wanted to write some fluff so I did


	25. Chapter 25

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which shit goes down.

Just as Karkat was drifting off to sleep, a sharp thunk jolted him awake. Ugh, he had a hard enough time sleeping as it was. He didn’t need those stupid crows waking him up again. At first he hadn’t understood Strider’s hatred for them, but now Karkat completely agreed with him. Karkat would have gone back to sleep, if it weren’t for him noticing something strange. 

While Karkat’s mind was adrift in his thoughts, Strider had gotten out of bed and appeared to be reaching for one of the shitty swords he kept on the walls of his room. At least, that was what Karkat thought he was doing. It was hard to tell. The room was dark, with the only light creeping in from the dim street lights outside the window. Strider probably hadn’t even realized he was awake. 

Karkat was about to say something to Strider, but he stopped himself. What was that gog forsaken idiot doing so late at night with a sword? He knew that if he straight up asked Strider, he wouldn’t get a clear answer. Strider would spin some allegory about absolutely nothing and end up saying something vaguely incestuous or homoerotic. By the time he finished his rant, both he and Karkat would have completely forgotten the original topic. It was impossible to get a clear response from Strider if he didn’t want to talk about it. 

Come to think of it, this hadn’t been Strider’s first time randomly disappearing, had it? There had been a couple of times where he had vanished, right? When Karkat had first arrived, he didn’t say anything as he had assumed it was some weird human thing. Eventually he learned that, no, it wasn’t normal to disappear in the middle of the night with a sword, but by then he had forgotten the whole affair. Strider was a weird one, even by human standards, keeping track of all the odd things he did was impossible. 

Enough was enough, Karkat was going to figure out what the hell Dave fucking Strider was doing this time. They only had nine more days until the flight to New York, so this was probably his last chance to figure out what was going on. After all, a little curiosity never hurt anyone, right? 

Not making a sound, Strider opened the bedroom door, sword in hand. Attached to it seemed to be some sort of note. The paper was snatched away by Strider. He tore it in half and crumpled it before putting it in his pocket and striding out into the darkness. Jegus, what did that note ever do to him?

Karkat waited a few seconds before following him. The troll left the bedroom just in time to see Strider shut the front door behind him. Karkat stumbled through the apartment after him, tripping on puppets as he went. It was near impossible to see due to how dark it was, and Karkat couldn’t understand how Strider had managed to navigate it with such ease. 

Finally, he reached the door. It creaked open and Karkat cringed at the sound. The noise was cacophonous and echoed throughout the building, at least, that was how it seemed to him. Quickly, he escaped onto the stairs and the door sealed shut with an air of finality. Karkat didn’t know why, but he felt like something terrible was coming. It was probably nothing, he was just being neurotic. Still, the feeling wouldn’t go away.

Karkat crept to the edge of the stairwell before peering down the winding staircase. No Strider in sight. There was no way he managed to walk down all those stairs so quickly, was there? Karkat panicked for a moment, had he really lost track of Strider so quickly? 

He looked upwards, and saw a figure marching up the stairs. The fire escape light illuminated the stairwell, and Karkat could just make out the figure’s features. It was Strider. Karkat felt relief flow through him, before he was quickly overcome with confusion. Why was Strider going up? Was he heading to the roof?

Karkat began trekking up the stairs after him. He could figure out what was going on when he confronted Strider. For now, he just had to focus on being quiet. Karkat was a loud person, simply by nature. All his attempts at being sneaky failed miserably, it seemed he just didn’t have the ability to be quiet for once in his life. His stomping footsteps always sounded deafening and he couldn’t stop himself from knocking things over. On any other day, Strider would have noticed him immediately, but he seemed distracted. 

Strider’s movements seemed automatic, almost robotic in some ways. Karkat couldn’t keep up with his pace, and found the distance between them growing and growing. That was fine though, Strider was heading to the roof. Karkat would be able to catch up to him eventually. 

Eventually, Strider was out of Karkat’s sight and the troll could only assume that he had already reached the roof. Karkat was groggy and exhausted. He couldn’t comprehend how Strider managed to walk up so many gog damned flights of stairs without breaking a sweat. Still, he was determined as he continued his journey upwards.

The monotonous task did little to entertain him, and soon his mind began to drift to different matters. He couldn’t help but feel the slightest bit hurt that even after all this time, Strider was still hiding things from him. Karkat had mustered up the courage to tell Strider about his mutant blood, yet the other man couldn’t bring himself to tell Karkat anything. The only reason Strider told him that his lusus was neglectful was because Karkat accidentally opened the refrigerator. Even still he had to figure out the majority of it using the internet and help from Rose. 

And then there was the whole matter of his stupid crush on Strider. Firstly, Strider was undeniably certainly straight, and secondly, Karkat was such a mess, he couldn’t even decide what quadrant he wanted Strider in. But recently he had come to realize that maybe the latter issue didn’t really matter so much. People had managed to have a relationship without quadrants before, so why couldn’t he? Still, who would want to date Karkat fucking Vantas?

Even Karkat wouldn’t want to date himself. His voice was loud and sounded like nails on a chalkboard, he was too short, he didn’t have a good personality, he wasn’t particularly smart, and he looked fucking hideous. He had no chance with Strider and he knew it. At least he could still hang around him as a friend. 

Karkat had gotten so wrapped up in his head that he didn’t even realize he had reached the top of the stairs until he nearly walked into the door leading to the roof. This was it. All he had to do was reach over, and open the door. Hopefully Strider wouldn’t be too mad at Karkat for following him, right? Karkat gripped the handle tight, but he couldn’t bring himself to open it. A cold wave of dread washed over him. Something seemed off about the entire situation, and the absurdity of it all was beginning to catch up to him. What the fuck was he doing? He was way in over his head.

Still, he was a stubborn bastard. He was in too deep to back out. Without giving himself any time to think about it, he shoved open the door. 

…

Karkat stared uncomprehendingly at the scene before him. Strider was pinned to the ground, his lusus looming above him with sword in hand. Was the man going to kill Strider? Karkat didn’t know. He had no clue what was going on or how to fix it, but he knew one thing for sure.

He had to get Strider out of there. 

Karkat snapped out of his stupor as rage engulfed his body. He launched himself at the lusus claws and fangs bared. His teeth tore into the lusus’s arm and the coppery taste of blood leaked into his mouth from the wound. He wouldn’t be able to win in a fight. He knew that. There was no way he could beat an adult lusus. The only reason he managed to land an attack was because Karkat surprised him. 

They were getting out of there. No matter what.

The lusus jerked back, causing the wound to tear. A slashing sword arched towards him, and Karkat managed to stumbled backwards just in time. The lusus was sluggish, obviously slowed down by surprise and the wound in his arm. Strider’s “bro” stumbled backwards, holding his arm. Despite the injury, his expression didn’t change. His face showed no expression save for boredom, as if this was par for the course. It was unnerving. Karkat hated it with a passion. He decided right then and there that he hated this man. He despised everything about this monstrosity of a being.

Karkat heard Strider shift behind him. “Karkat?” His voice sounded unsteady and a little disoriented, like he hadn’t quite processed what was happening yet. Neither had Karkat, if he was being honest with himself. At least Strider could speak. He was alive. He was fine. It would be fine. Karkat hadn’t had the chance to check if he was injured, or how serious it was, but as long as he could walk they would be fine. Fuck, even if he couldn’t walk, Karkat would get him out of there somehow.

“Strider. Start walking towards the door, I’ll make sure this fucker doesn’t attack you from behind.” Karkat said, still not taking his eyes off that atrocious excuse of a lusus. The lusus hadn’t moved an inch. He hadn’t shifted or changed his expression or spoken. He was still. Too still. It only served to put Karkat more on edge. 

“W-what?” Strider replied incredulously. How did he not understand? They needed to get out of here. Now. 

“Who is this.” The lusus spoke. Karkat nearly jumped out of his skin when the man spoke. His voice was cold. It was neither angry nor surprised, simply toneless and dull. It was as though someone stripped everything that made someone human and unique away and created this abomination. Watching him speak was unnerving. His mouth moved, but the rest of his face stayed still. When most people talk, their faces convey emotion. Their eyebrows scrunch up or their eyes sparkle, but not this man. No, he had no emotion. He was an evil man, and Karkat couldn’t understand how something as beautiful as Dave Strider was raised by him. 

Karkat was about to charge at the man again, his chances of winning be damned when he was stopped by Strider, who managed to pull himself up. Karkat risked looking away from the enemy to check on him. His sleeves were torn in several spots where a blade sliced through it, and his skin was cut from when he had scraped it against the ground. He stood stock still. Even though the sunglasses prevented Karkat from seeing his eyes, he knew that Strider’s eyes were filled with fear. 

Karkat made a split second decision and grabbed Strider’s hand. He turned and hightailed it to the door, dragging the man with him. Strider’s steps were shaky and unsure, still shocked by the recent turn of events. Karkat was too, but he didn’t have the time to be panicking. Someone had to stay level headed right now, and that someone had to be him it seemed. 

Karkat heard quick steps behind him as the lusus pursued them. Luckily, Karkat reached the doorway back into the building in the nick of time. He pulled Strider in as well, and slammed the door in the lusus’s face, locking it for good measure. Karkat breathed out a shaky sigh of relief. The lusus was stuck up there now. Karkat could calm down and head back to the apartment to figure things out with Strider. Someone would have to unlock the door eventually, but they could have one of the neighbors do it tomorrow when the two of them were long gone. 

At least, that was what he thought. For a few moments, no sound came from beyond the door. Then a sharp thudding noise came. Was the lusus trying to kick down the door? That wouldn’t work, surely? Silence. And then another thud. Shit. That crazy bastard was really trying to break down the door.

And it seemed like he might actually be able to do it. 

Okay, so they might have a little less time to sort things out than originally planned. That’s fine. This was fine. Karkat began running down the stairs, with Strider still following numbly beside him. 

They made it back to the apartment in record time, and Karkat burst through the front door. The living room was a blur as he sprinted into the bedroom, slowed down only by Strider. It was only when they were safely in Strider’s room did Karkat finally let go of his hand. 

Karkat flung open the doors of the closet, revealing the mountain of boxes where all of their stuff was packed. “Grab as much as you can and then we can call a taxi or something.” Karkat said, already grabbing one of the boxes. All of the textbooks in their backpacks had been switched out for clothes and other essentials as soon as school had ended. Karkat grabbed his crab bag and shrugged it onto his back. The troll shoved Strider’s backpack into the man’s hands. It was then that Strider seemed to finally snap out of his catonic state. 

“What the hell are you doing? We can’t just leave!” Strider stammered. Karkat paused what he was doing to look at the man. Strider wasn’t making any sense. Had he hit his head or something? After all, why wouldn’t they leave? 

“What?” Karkat gawked.

“I mean I know Bro can be a little harsh, but it’s fine. We only have nine more days until the flight to New York, so let’s just stay here and lie low. It isn’t that bad.” He defended.

“A little harsh? Not that bad?! Strider where the hell have you been, this is so astronomically fucked up there aren’t even words to describe how seriously messed up this gog damned bullshit is!” He bellowed.

“Jesus lord, you don’t know shit, so would you shut your mouth for once? I’m sure Bro has his reasons for all the strifing. Sure, it is a little unorthodox but whatever. A lot of other people have it so much worse.” He insisted.

“There you go again with the whole “some people have it worse” thing again! That is bullshit! Just because someone out there has it worse than you, that doesn’t mean this isn’t extremely shitty! And from what I saw, whatever you were doing with your “Bro” wasn’t “unorthodox” that was just domestic abuse! So no, Strider, we can’t just “stay here and lie low” as you put it.” Karkat sneered before turning around to continue sorting through the boxes to grab the most important ones. What was wrong with Strider? They needed to leave! What about that did he not get?!

“I managed just fine for 18 fucking years, Karkat! This has been happening the whole time you were here, and did I ever die or get fatally injured? NO! So would you get off my dick already?!”

“You fucking moron! You should have told me about it instead of being a stoic douchebag and we could have figured something out together instead of it coming to this!” Karkat felt himself begin to tear up. Jegus, why was he always like this! “I mean I get it! You obviously don’t fucking trust me as much as I trust you, but still! You should have told someone! Anyone! Rose, Child protective services, John, Jade, Kanaya, anyone!”

“Listen, you know I didn’t mean it like that-” Dave began to stutter out.

“No, Strider! You listen to me! You can’t just stay here! It isn’t fucking right! I- I-” Karkat felt himself beginning to choke up, and without another word he turned and continued packing. The room swam as tears began to form in his eyes. Stupid Karkat fucking Vantas getting emotional over everything. Couldn’t he have one conversation in his entire life that didn’t end up with him crying, being an asshole or embarrassing himself?

Karkat heard Strider sigh behind him. “Fine, if you really want to head out right now, we can. I guess we can stay in a hotel room or something. But we still need to talk about why the fuck you just barged in on me like that.” Karkat simply nodded. Between whatever the fuck happened on the roof and his argument with Strider, all of the energy had drained out of him. The adrenaline had long since worn off, and now Karkat was running on fumes. 

With their bags strapped on their backs and boxes in their hands, Strider and Karkat headed out of the apartment for the last time. In the living room, Strider paused for a minute to look around the room. He was probably taking one last glance at his home. After all, he had lived here for all of his life. Even if it was hell, he would probably miss it a little bit. Then, Strider walked over to the kitchen counter and snatched up what looked to be car keys. 

“Bro has this really fucking shitty truck, and I figured he wouldn’t mind us borrowing it for a little while,” he said with a smirk on his face. Okay scratch that, so the little fucker wasn’t looking around nostalgically, he was looking for shit to steal. Karkat almost felt proud. 

“As much as I would love to rob this asshole blind, won’t he call the police on us for stealing his car?” Karkat asked.

“No way, man. Bro has been avoiding taxes for a solid two decades at least, and his main source of income is from a probably illegal puppet porn site. There is a snowball’s chance in hell of him calling the police.” Hell. Fucking. Yes.

They made the arduous trip down the endless looping stairs for the last time and everything was going well. 

Of course it wouldn’t be that easy. When was it ever? A loud bam sounded from somewhere high above them, and Karkat peered up curiously. What the hell was- oh shit. Strider’s lusus. Somehow Karkat had almost forgotten about him. Staring back down at him, was the lusus. He was probably furious, but that didn’t show it. As hard as it was to make out from so many floors down, his face looked like a blank slate.

“Okay, time to move a little bit faster,” Karkat said, as the lusus disappeared behind the railing that surrounded the stairs, and the fast tap tap tap of someone sprinting down the stairs reached his ears. Strider noticed as well, and he paled, his face going as white as a sheet. 

“Fuck it,” Strider muttered as he set the box he was carrying down. “Just leave the boxes here. We have enough of our shit in the backpacks to be fine.” Karkat was reluctant, but he knew that the bulky weight would slow them down, and with the rate the lusus was descending, they couldn’t afford that.

The box was dropped, and Strider grabbed onto Karkat’s hand, pulling the troll down the stairs behind him. They took the steps two at a time, running as fast as possible. A few times Karkat thought he might just slip, but Strider was always there to catch him. 

Even with the head start, Karkat felt like the lusus was right on their heels. He was moving significantly faster than them, and the troll had to hope that they were far enough away to make it to the car. 

His heart pounded in his ears as they reached the landing, not slowing down. Strider slammed the door open, and sprinted through it. As they rushed to the parking lot towards the ugliest truck Karkat had ever seen, the door banged open once more. He didn’t turn to look who had come out. He didn’t need to. 

His limbs were already heavy from the exhaustion, but he pushed onwards. When they reached the car at long last, Strider ran over to the driver’s side and yanked open the door, jamming the keys into the ignition. 

Karkat followed him into the car, and barely had enough time to shut the door before they were off. Strider tore through the parking lot towards the exit. Through the tinted windows, Karkat could see Strider’s lusus. He was no longer running after them, simply standing there. On the ground next to him sat that infernal puppet, Lil’ Cal. For some unknown reason the sight shook him to his core. Maybe it was because the man looked possessed, almost inhuman. Maybe it was because of how human like the eyes of the puppet were. Either way, he only caught a glimpse of them before the car sped away.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> holy shit! this chapter was a wild ride to write, i hope it turned out well! sorry its so delayed, i planned to finish and post it last week, but then i broke my ankle so that slowed everything down a little bit. there will probably only be a few chapters left before the ending. as always, thanks for reading!


	26. Chapter 26

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which the aftermath is dealt with. Or in Dave's case, ignored.

Gravel crunched below the tires of the truck as they pulled into a Denny’s parking lot. Dave cut the engine and the car went dark. The car was plunged into darkness, with the only light coming from the dim streetlamp. Dave slumped forward and rested his head against the steering wheel, allowing himself to finally breathe for what felt like the first time since the whole confrontation with Bro began. 

He felt Karkat staring at him. Dave knew that Karkat wanted to talk about it, but he just couldn’t bring himself to do it right now. When Karkat opened up his mouth to say something, Dave abruptly wretched open the car door, disentangling himself from the seat, and stepped out into the empty lot. 

Dave looked back at Karkat. “You comin’ on out or what? I mean if you wanna just sit there the entire night, I get it. I mean the passenger seat is pretty sweet my man, but personally I’m a little bit hungry. A man’s gotta eat, you know? I’m a growing boy Karkles, I need my nutrients. You wouldn’t deprive a growing boy of his sweet sweet chemical filled calories, would you?” Dave spewed out. Nice. You are the goddamn grand master of smooth. Brilliant fucking way to break the tension, Dave. Maybe if you spew out enough words he will forget the past hour.

Karkat rolled his eyes in exasperation, but he seemed amused with Dave’s antics. Still, the concerned look on his face refused to go away. The car door creaked open and the two set off to the restaurant. 

The floor inside the restaurant was weirdly sticky, and it provided a familiar comfort to him. He had essentially spent the last seventeen years of his life eating at ironically shitty restaurants with crappy food, questionable stains, and sticky floors. His life might be going to hell in a hand basket, but at least the shitty quality of diners stayed the same. 

Some generic pop song crackled out quietly over the dollar store speakers, but the restaurant was quiet for the most part. A tired waitress who was probably making minimum wage sat behind the cash register, clearly not expecting anyone to come in at this time of day. 

“Just sit yourselves down wherever you want. Just a quick tip: avoid the booth in the far left corner. Someone spilled some weird shit on it an hour ago and we haven’t really been able to get it off,” she yawned. 

“Damn, and here I got my hopes up and everything. I was so goddamn excited to sit at the far left corner booth at a Denny’s. I put on my Sunday best and everything. I already told all my friends at school that I was going to sit there, imagine their disappointment when I tell them that some rando spilled chemical waste all over it. My life will never be the same. Just picture what a bright future I could have had if I managed to sit at that booth. That bright future has been wasted. It’s such a shame what is happening to the youth nowadays,” Dave lamented sadly. The waiter looked at him in confusion, but didn’t comment. She worked at a fucking Denny’s after all. Dave probably didn’t even come close to some of the weirder customers. 

After a few minutes of silence, with Karkat fidgeting next to him and the waiter giving him the most deadpan stare he had even seen, Dave broke the quiet. “Yep,” he said, now a little self conscious “I’m just gonna-” and he made some vague gesture indicating that he and Karkles would find a seat. 

The waitress followed them over to the booth and placed two laminated menus in front of them. Dave picked up one of the menus and began flipping through it. “So what do you think Karkitten, Moons Over my Hammy or Lumberjack Slam?” 

“What?” Karkat spat out.

“Look at the menu, fuckass. Should I get the Moons Over my Hammy or Lumberjack Slam?” At this, Karkat began rapidly flipping through the menu, confused. 

“What in the actual radioactive fuck is a Moons Over my Hammy?” 

“Essentially a ham and egg sandwich with hash browns. Oh and a Lumberjack Slam is pancakes, my choice of some kind of meat product, eggs, hash browns, and bread.” Dave replied. Karkat looked up from the menu to glare at him.

“Why the actual fuck would they give it some dumbass name like Lumberjack Slam? Why not just call it “A Plate of Weird Flat Cake Pan Things That Also Includes Animal Flesh, Animal Eggs, Fried Potato Things and Bread.” That’s a way better name,” Karkat replied with a totally straight face. He has to be joking. There is no way in hell that he can believe that whatever fucking abomination of a name he just came up with is better than Lumberjack Slam. 

“Wait, wait, wait, what the actual fuck kinda name is that?” Dave guffawed. “I swear to god you trolls are like “hmm, what is the most overcomplicated way to say this simple thing?” and then you just go with it! Like who the hell does that? What’s the point?!” 

“How dare you insult Alternia like that! I’ll have you know that us trolls consider it fun to come up with the longest names for things. It’s an olympic sport and everything. One time someone managed to stretch the word cake into 301,657 words.” Dave stared slack jawed at Karkat. He knew that the trolls were weird, but he didn’t know they were THIS weird. Jesus christ, he had lived with Karkat for so fucking long now, he thought that he already knew everything weird about trolls, but here they are. 

At least, that was what he thought, before Karkat broke out laughing. “You absolute fucking moron! You seriously believed me! What kind of lame ass olympic sport would that be? Our olympic sports are way more exciting. Like seeing how many lowblood trolls a seadweller can skewer on one trident.”

“Okay now I know that last one is a joke. Fool me once, shame on me. Fool me twice, shame on- actually I can’t remember who the shame is on for that one. Was it “fool me once, shame on me, fool me twice, shame on me, fool me thrice shame on you”? Or was it “fool me once, shame on me, fool me twice, shame on you”? Fuck this shit is complicated.” 

“No, that one is an actual sport,” Karkat said nonchalantly, as if admitting that murder is an olympic sport is totally normal “anyways I think I’m going to go with the “Grand Slam Slugger”.” When he said the name of the dish, Karkat wrinkled his nose, as if it physically pained him to say the stupid name. Dave probably would have thought his expression was cute, if his brain wasn’t still stuck on the whole “mass murder is an olympic sport in Alternia” thing. 

Dave probably would have kept staring in shock, if it wasn’t for the waitress appearing once more. “What can I get y’all on this fine afternoon?” She said in an ironic imitation of an overly peppy customer service voice. 

“Yeah, can I get the “Grand Slam Slugger”” Karkat said. Fuck, Karkat was supposed to take longer to order so that Dave could figure out what he wanted.

“And what will you be havin’?” The waitress asked, turning to Dave. Fuck fuck fuck fuck.

“Uh, yeah, I’ll take the, uh,” Dave stuttered “I’ll take the Dulce de Leche Crunch Pancake Breakfast.” Dave said, reading the first thing he saw on the menu.

It was only a few seconds after the waitress left that he finally processed what he had ordered. He had never heard of a dulce de leche crunch pancake before, but he knew two things from the name alone: first of all, it would definitely give him diabetes, and second of all, it would either be the best or worst thing he had eaten that whole day, with no in between. Some foods are just like that. They are either so fucking greasy and good, or they were the worst thing you ever had the misfortune to lay your eyes on, and there was no other option. 

“Hey Strider,” Dave looked up. Karkat had a serious expression on his face. Oh god not this shit again. “Can we just talk about-”

“Nope.” Dave interrupted. He didn’t want to talk about it, so they weren’t going to talk about it. What was so hard to understand about that? 

“We can’t just pretend nothing happened, Strider! You can’t just sweep this under the gog damned rug! You have been sweeping so much shit under there the past couple of weeks that there is no more room for any of your bullshit underneath that rug. You have to talk about this to someone! If not me, then Rose. Or Kanaya! Hell even John or Jade! I don’t care! Fuck!” Karkat huffed out. Bullshit. Dave didn’t need to explain himself to anyone. Karkat had no clue what he was talking about. 

Dave didn’t bother to respond. Karkat sighed and hunched over a little more. “Why are you always like this you stupid prick,” he mumbled under his breath. 

Finally, the waiter reappeared, breaking the tense silence. That was what Dave loved so much about these kinds of restaurants: everything was frozen, so the service was really fast because it only takes like 30 seconds to heat it in the microwave. 

Every time Karkat tried to bring the situation or his Bro, Dave stuffed food in his mouth to avoid answering. Honestly, it was a good strategy. The pancakes were actually fucking amazing. God, Dave loved the taste of chemicals and frozen food. Denny’s never let him down. It would probably be his favorite restaurant of all time, but Olive Garden took that spot. Denny’s could never beat the unlimited breadsticks.

They ate quickly enough, but that was mostly due to Dave compulsively stuffing food in his mouth to avoid conversation. Dave left a few bills on the table and left for the car. Karkat trailed behind him, but he was so quiet that Dave almost forgot he was there. 

Dave knew Karkat was frustrated. He knew that the troll just wanted to help him, but Dave didn’t need help. He was okay, really. 

The steady hum of the engine filled the silence as they drove to one of the cheapest motels around. They had dropped pretty much all of their shit when they left the apartment, but they still had their backpacks. Luckily, Dave had thought to pack the most important shit in their bags, like clothes and their computers, but most important of all: he had put the majority of the money there as well. 

That wasn’t to say they had a lot of money, Dave was still broke as shit. But they had enough to book a small room at a crappy motel for a week until the flight to New York. 

Dave cut the engine and hopped out, pulling a few bills from his backpack as he approached the front office. A man sat behind a desk watching TV, and he looked like he was half way asleep. You and me both, buddy. What Dave would give to just go to sleep right then and there and forget all of this. But nope, no sleep for this cool kid. He had shit to do. 

“S’cuse me, could I get a room with two twin sized beds?” Dave asked, leaning against the desk.

The man jerked awake. “Yeah, uh, yeah, sure. You bet. How long will you be stayin’ for?” he mumbled, still partially asleep. 

“About eight days,” Dave responded. That was when it hit him, they only had eight more days until they could go stay with Rose before going off to college. Eight more days. That was how close his plan had been to succeeding. But no, Karkat just had to be a curious bastard and follow him up to the roof. There was a sickening irony to it. 

The man handed him a key as Dave passed over the money. 

The cold night air hit him as he exited the little office space to return to the car. He knocked on the door to alert Karkat and pulled their bags out to carry it to the room. Not that they had much to carry. 

Karkat stumbled out behind him and followed him. The door creaked open on rusty hinges as Dave unlocked the door. The motel was, quite predictably, a shit hole. Not that Dave really cared. He was too tired to care about much of anything at this point. 

There were two beds with a roof over them, and that was all Dave needed. He slumped down on the bed, and Karkat closed the door after them. He heard the shabby lock on the door click, as Karkat locked the door behind them. Smart idea.

Dave thought he heard Karkat say something, but he was already falling fast asleep and couldn’t make out the words. The adrenaline had worn off, and Dave couldn’t bring himself to move. That was fine. He could figure it out tomorrow. 

Dave let himself drift off to what he hoped would be a peaceful sleep, but he knew better. His dreams would be haunted with menacing figures and puppets and swords, like they always were.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok so I thought that I would probably only write two or three chapters more and then the story would be finished, but then I spent 2k writing about Denny's so this fic is probably going to be a little bit longer than expected 
> 
> As always, thank you all for reading! your comments mean the world to me!


	27. Chapter 27

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which, Dave is a paranoid fucker

The two stayed cooped up in the little motel room the entire time. Although the reason went unspoken, it was because they were afraid. Paranoia seeped through the small cracks in the walls and polluted the room. Even the quietest bump in the night was enough to jerk Dave awake in a cold sweat. He would reach for his sword out of habit, and panic to not find it there. It always took him a couple of minutes to remember where he was.

He was fine. He was in a motel room and Bro didn’t know where he was. There was no sword next to him because he didn’t need a sword there. He didn’t have to fight anyone, he didn’t have to walk carefully to avoid booby traps and puppets. He. Was. Fine.

Despite what his rational mind kept telling him, the fear inside of him wouldn’t leave. He knew it was making him more tense than usual, which was a feat in and of itself. At first Karkat had tried to get him to talk about the whole situation. When that didn’t work, he tried to ramble on about some dumb rom-com or another to get Dave’s mind off of it, but that only served to annoy Dave. So maybe Dave started closing himself off. It was better than lashing out and hurting Karkat because he was stressed. That’s what he reasoned at least. 

A small voice in his head whispered that he was just like his Bro, closing himself off and being impassive to everyone and everything. It whispered that he was just cutting off the one person who actually gave a flying fuck about him. Eventually Karkat gave up, and they stayed secluded on opposite sides of the room. Isolated but together. 

It felt ironic in a way. Bro would be proud.

…

When the day of the flight came, Dave stood in front of the door in trepidation. He wanted to leave. He wanted to open up that door and run as far as he could from this god damned town, but he couldn’t. What if Bro was standing outside the door, waiting for him to open it up? What if he had known where they were the entire time and this had been some twisted mind game? It wouldn’t have been the first time Bro pulled something like that.

Dave stood frozen, his hand reaching for the doorknob, but not quite touching it. He could practically hear Bro’s voice. “Did you really think you would get away that easily, little man?”

This had been a bad idea. Maybe they could just stay in the motel forever. If they kept ordering room service, they would never have to leave. If they never left, they would never have to see Bro. If they never saw Bro, he and Karkat would never get hurt. It made sense. Really, was flying to New York worth the risk? What if Rose realized how annoying he was, and when he got there she would turn him away? What if the airplane crashed in the middle of the flight? What if-

Karkat reached past him and opened the door. He made it seem like such an easy thing to do. The door swung open, and Bro wasn’t there. Puffy clouds hung on a sunny blue sky and the quiet wing flap of crows greeted him. 

Karkat slipped outside and began walking. When he noticed that Dave wasn’t following, he turned, with a puzzled expression on his face.

The paranoia drained out of Dave. It would be fine if he kept on going.

Dave offered a small smile and picked up his bags, following Karkat. He shut the door behind them, and he couldn’t help but think it was like closing another chapter of his life. The end of one chapter meant the beginning of another, and Dave had the feeling that the part would be happier. 

…

The hustle and bustle of the airport was confusing, but Karkat handled it like a champ. Whenever Dave got lost or confused, Karkat was always there to pull him in the right direction, until eventually, they boarded the plane.

The seats were in rows of two, and of course Dave had a seat next to Karkat. Rose had wanted to get them first class tickets, but Dave felt bad making her spend that much money. Of course she wouldn’t be a Strilonde if she wasn’t infuriatingly stubborn. Dave had insisted on economy class tickets, but after insane amounts of bickering, they ended up with business class. He still felt bad, but at least it was better than being in first class. 

Dave had insisted on taking the window seat, and Karkat only huffed and rolled his eyes. He knew that he was being childish, but in his defense, he had never been on an airplane before. Karkat relented, and sat in the aisle seat instead. 

…

It was when the plane began to take off that Dave realized, fuck, airplanes are scary as shit. Who thought this was a good idea? There was no way in hell this thing was safe.

“Who in the hell thought making a giant metal bird was a good idea? Those greedy bastards weren’t content with just walking and swimming, they wanted to fly too. That just seems like a bad idea doesn’t it? I mean there is no way this thing is safe. Like if there is even the smallest problem we are all screwed. I didn’t come this far just to get screwed over by a giant metal bird. Ironic that it would be a bird that screws me over. Those little bastards always had it out for me. Speaking of which, do you think there will be any birds in New York? Because I don’t think I can take any more of those feather-y fuckers-”

“Strider. You are doing it again,” Karkat said, not even looking up from his book.

“Doing what again? If you are talking about being fabulous, I know, I’m always amazing. If you are talking about switching colognes, I’m glad you noticed. I tried out this new brand recently and I wasn’t sure if it suited me-”

Karkat reached over and grabbed Dave’s face, making him look at Karkat. “First of all, you don’t wear cologne and have never worn cologne, and second of all, I’m talking about how you word vomit when you get nervous.” 

“Ok I don’t word vomit and I’m certainly not nervous! How could you insinuate such a thing, Karkat! How dare you! I thought we had a bond! I-,” ah shit he was word vomiting, wasn’t he? “You know what you might have a point there. Not about the nervous thing though. A Strider is never nervous.”

Karkat didn’t dignify him with a response and simply fixed a deadpan stare on him. “The flight is too short to have those fancy movie things, so I guess I could read this aloud if you wanted?” Karkat suggested. 

That didn’t actually sound too bad.

“Uh, yeah sure.”

Karkat began to read the book quietly, just loud enough for Dave to hear it, but not loud enough to disrupt the other passengers. It was nice. Dave hardly even noticed that they were around 40,000 feet in the air. Dave would make dumb comments and pick at the story, and Karkat would get offended, as though it was his duty to personally defend the book, and argue back. 

If the rest of his life was like this, Dave wouldn’t mind.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> wow it has been a quick second since i updated. holy lord i am sorry it has been so long. the elections have been super crazy, and i hope you stay safe if you are in america right now!


	28. Chapter 28

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which they arrive

“Strider? Strider? I swear to god you better wake up or else I will fucking leave you behind,” Karkat huffed, poking Dave.

Holy shit, were they already there? Dave lifted his head, his hair disheveled and his glasses askew. He didn’t know when he fell asleep or for how long, but it must have been a while, considering that they had already arrived. Dave surreptitiously wiped the drool off of his face and pretended to look like he knew what he was doing. All around them, passengers clambered through the airplane, grabbing their baggage and filing towards the front of the aircraft. Karkat slung his backpack over his shoulder and stood up, with Dave numbly following suit. 

Airport security was a pain in the ass as always, but soon enough they were out and on a taxi to Rose's place. When the taxi pulled to a stop in what appeared to be the middle of abso-fucking-lutely nowhere, Dave was confused. “Hey man, we’re heading to Rainbow Falls, so what's the hold up?” 

“This is Rainbow Falls,” the driver monotonously replied. Dave looked out the window once more, and noticed a mansion hidden behind the trees. Oh, they must be on the driveway leading to the house. Makes sense.

Wait, how long is that fucking driveway? That’s when realization dawned on him, Rose was fucking filthy goddamn rich. Sure, he always knew that her mom was loaded, but the dots never really connected. 

Jesus, was that a waterfall? He knew the place was named Rainbow Falls, but he didn’t expect there to be a god honest waterfall! Karkat seemed just as taken aback as he was. “Holy mother of fuck why the hell did Kanaya not tell me she was living with a goddamn billionaire?” He said in awe.

“You gonna get moving, or what? I’ve got things to do,” The cabbie snapped. Karkat gave him a nasty look and got out of the car, slamming the door extra hard out of spite. Dave smiled at the driver and handed him the money, following Karkat up the winding driveway.

The sky was blackening as the sun drifted down, and they had to use the flashlights on their phone to make out the path. Needless to say, New York was a hell of a lot colder than Texas, and Dave was freezing his fucking ass off. What was the point of having a driveway this big anyways? He couldn’t understand the obsession with these kinds of long ass driveways, it just made you look like a pretentious dickhead. 

When the house finally came into sight, Dave felt like he could practically jump for joy. When they reached the door, they found there wasn’t a doorbell, just an ornate brass door knocker, because of course there was. These goddamn flighty broads just had to be that extra about everything. 

Dave knocked a couple of times and the sound resonated throughout the house. Waiting for someone to answer the door gave him time to think, and with the Strilondes that is never a good thing. Overthinking was practically his middle name. This would be the first time he met Rose in person, wasn’t it? What if she hated him? What if he was extra-annoying in person and she didn’t want to be friends anymore? On top of that, there was also Kanaya. If he fucked up their first impression, Kanaya would hate him. Then Karkat would hate him too since he and Kanaya are best friends. All he had to do was act normal. Make a great first impression. Shouldn’t be hard, right?

Suddenly the door opened, and there stood a jade troll. “Would I be correct to presume you are Dave?” She asked, extending a hand for a handshake. 

“Yep, that would be me. Strider Dave. Wait fuck, I mean, Elizabeth Dave Strider. Fuck- I mean Dave Strider Elizabeth. I mean-” Dave rambled out “you know what, fuck it, I give up.” 

Dave shook her hand. His face burned with a blush. Nice going there. Great first impression “Elizabeth Dave Strider”. Wait, or was it “Strider Dave Elizabeth”? No one fucking knows because you can’t introduce yourself to save your goddamn life!

The woman turned to Karkat. “It’s been a while, hasn’t it? Have you been eating properly? Did you remember to-”, but she was cut off by Karkat.

“As much as I love your motherly nagging, which is to say I despise it with every fiber of my being, can we please go inside before I get frostbite?” Karkat said.

“Oh, apologies, truly. Come in,” she said, stepping to the side and leading them into the mansion. The living room alone was the size of Dave’s entire apartment. That was the first thing Dave noticed. The second was the gigantic wizard statue. 

Dave knew Rose had a thing for writing wizard fan fiction, but damn, this was a bit much, wasn’t it?

Dave saw Rose in the kitchen, puttering away with what looked to be hot chocolate. “Who was at the door, dear?” Rose asked.

“Dear? Damn you two already have pet names for each other? If you get any more sickly sweet I think I’m going to have to puke,” Dave said. 

Rose spun around. “Davidson! So good to see you! I was afraid that you had shoved your foot so far down your throat that you finally choked to death on it.” she said with a false cheer, the snarky bitch. 

“Okay we both fucking know it’s Dave. Not David, not Davidson, just Dave.” 

“Apologies for the mix up, Just Dave. It was an honest mistake and I shan't make it again,” Rose smirked. Goddamn flighty broads. She was just as infuriating as she had been over text. Some things never change.

Rose came into the room carrying four mugs of hot chocolate, topped off with whipped cream and marshmallows and everything. “I assumed none of you have any allergies, so I prepared hot chocolate for your arrival,” she explained.

“Hell. Fucking. Yes,” Dave said, grabbing for the mug “you sure know the way to a man’s heart.” 

“Quite the shame that I’m a lesbian,” Rose said, curling up next to Kanaya on the couch. Karkat burst out laughing. 

“For a bulge chafing disdainful shitsack, you sure know how to host,” Karkat mused. 

“It is an honor to host such an exuberant asshole like yourself. It’s not everyday I come across someone as elegant with words as you,” Rose snarked back. Karkat and Rose glared at each other silently for a few moments. Oh god damn it. 

Welp, it was fun while it lasted. Time to pack up their shit before they got thrown out because of Rose and Karkat fighting. Karkat should win an award, he practically broke the world record for “Fastest Relationship Ruined”.

Suddenly Karkat turned to Dave and said “You know, she isn’t as much of an insufferable prick as you.” Which is pretty much the closest Karkat had ever come to complimenting someone. What the actual fuck?

“I heard from the grapevine that you are quite the connoisseur of romance, would you be available to help me edit my manuscript at some point?” 

“I guess I could so graciously spare some of my time to look over whatever bullshit you pulled out of your ass. I too, happen to be composing my magnum opus. It’ll revolutionize the romance industry as we know it. If you wanted to maybe take a sneak peak at it before I publish it and become famous, I would allow that,” Karkat suggested. What the hell? He was letting Rose read the shit he wrote when he didn’t even let Dave anywhere near it? Karkat had known Rose for all of five minutes and he was already editing his book with her?

Not that Dave was jealous. Of course not, that would be dumb. What is there to be jealous about? Of course he isn’t jealous of his crush trusting his pseudo-sister to read over and edit his private manuscripts. He totally wasn’t jealous that Karkat wouldn’t let him look at it. Obviously. That would be dumb.

Dave silently fumed and took a swig of his hot chocolate, which- fuCKING HELL THAT WAS HOT. Dave practically spat the liquid back out, his tongue burning. He knew it was called hot chocolate for a reason, but that didn’t make him any less annoyed. Karkat laughed at his ass, Rose made condescending remarks, and Kanaya worried, and all was well. For once in his life, everything was working out.

Rose and Kanaya shared a look, and Kanaya stood up. “Karkat, it has been some time since we have had a one on one colloquy, hasn’t it? Would you venture into the garden with me for a chat?” she asked. 

“Why not? Not like I’ve got a whole lot of fuck all better to be doing,” he replied, standing up and following her out. It’s good to see them talk. With all of the chaos going on recently, they hadn’t had a chance to talk and Dave felt a little guilty about that. 

Dave turned back to Rose and that was when he realized something. He was now alone with Rose. Fuck, those two had set this up, hadn’t they? God damn it he was not up for a surprise interrogation. 

“So, I see you are getting along quite well with Karkat. Why, you two bicker like a married couple,” Rose smiled as if she wasn’t about to psychoanalyze the hell out of him and his relationship with Karkat.

“Rose, no. Please anything but this,” Dave pleaded. 

“I haven’t the faintest idea what you are talking about. Going back to the previous topic, I believe you might have mentioned something about being madly in love with a certain troll who’s name starts with a K and sounds remarkably like car cat,”

“What?! I never said that,” Dave spluttered. Oh god please help him.

“Mhmm,” Rose responded “so we are going back to the whole denial stage, then?”

Dave groaned. “Rose can we please not do this? I’ve got it covered, okay? You don’t need to micromanage our relationship like I know you love doing.”

“So you are actually going to do something about it then? Instead of sitting there pining for each other for another three years?” Rose asked.

“Nope. Eternal pining it is,” Dave announced.

“You two are infuriating, you know that?” Rose dismayed.

“Yup, that’s kinda the goal,” Dave smirked. He got up and took the empty hot chocolate mugs into the kitchen and placed them in the sink. 

“I mean I’m going to say something eventually.. I’m just waiting for the right time, I guess?” Dave mumbled.

Rose gasped in mock surprise. “What was that brother dearest? Could it be that you plan to actually grow a pair and finally say something?”

“Oh shut up. I didn’t ask for this from you,” he muttered, abashed. Rose just smiled. 

“You know, you’ve come a long way. I know we don’t really say it a lot, but I’m proud of you,” she murmured. 

“Sorry, what was that last part? Did the illustrious Rose Lalonde seriously just say she was proud of me?” 

“Oh shut up! I’m not saying it again!” Rose laughed.


	29. Chapter 29

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Dave and Karkat can't sleep

Dave followed behind Rose, trudging up flight after flight of endless staircases. Jesus lord, why did this house have to be so big? Why did all of the houses he lived in have so many stairs? When he grew up and got rich and famous, his house would have no stairs. Fuck stairs. 

After Rose had finished her interrogation, Dave had been drop dead tired. She took some pity on him, and decided to show him the way to the guest bedroom he would be staying in. If Dave had known how many stairs he would have to walk up to get there, he would have just fallen asleep on the couch. To be fair, it was a damn comfortable couch. It was probably even softer than his old bed at the apartment in Texas. Dave shook his head to clear himself of those thoughts. He didn’t want to think about anything that had to do with Bro anymore. 

Dave didn’t realize Rose had stopped until he ran into her. Rose turned with a bemused smile. “We have arrived, brother dearest,” she said, opening the door.

“Do we even count as siblings? Seriously what’s going on there? I have no fucking clue how our family tree works, bro. That shit is mad wacky. Did you know a second cousin twice removed is just your grand-uncle or aunt’s child’s child or something like that. I thought it was just a cousin who fucked up a lot and got banished from the family or something. It makes absolutely no sense-” Dave began to ramble.

“As much as I would love to listen to you ramble about your confusion about family trees, you need to go to sleep and I need to go cuddle with my girlfriend,” Rose interrupted. 

“Jeez, no need to be so pushy I’m going,” Dave said in mock offense. As much as he loved to word vomit, he was exhausted. 

The room he entered was slightly bigger than his old bedroom. It was all fairly standard, but still gave off an air of posh sophistication, because of course it did. What had he been expecting from these flighty broads? The bed was situated against the wall, next to a bedside table. A large wardrobe stood opposite to the bed, with an elegant oak desk next to it. Moonlight filtered in from a large window, giving him the perfect view of a vast ocean of trees. 

Dave looked around the room. There was only one bed. “Hey uh Rose, buddy, friend, there is only one bed in here. Are you seriously going to make Karkat sleep on the floor? Like I get that he is content to just sleep in a pile of laundry, but still at least give him the option,”

Rose gave him a weird look. “There are more than enough extra rooms in this house for you two to have separate bedrooms. Kanaya should be escorting him to his respective room about now. Needless to say, I am highly concerned about the comment you just made about Karkat sleeping in a pile of laundry, but I just interrogated you and quite frankly I don’t have the energy to do it again. But rest assured, we will have a chat about this in the future.”

Oh. 

They didn’t have to sleep in the same room anymore. The room wouldn’t be so cramped now. He wouldn’t have to worry about being woken up by Karkat or accidentally waking up Karkat. He wouldn’t have anyone to talk to when he was awoken by nightmares. He wouldn’t get to laugh at Karkat stumbling around the room before he had completely awoken. It was fine.

Dave collapsed into his bed, dropping his bag by the door. 

“I suppose I should leave you be now. Have a nice rest,” Rose called, shutting the door behind her and leaving. 

Dave tried to go to sleep, he really did. The bed was soft, and he didn’t have to worry about being roused in the middle of the night to go sword fight with his bat-shit guardian on a rooftop. So why couldn’t he sleep? 

The night was quiet. Too quiet. Dave was used to the hustle and bustle of city traffic, the cawing of crows, the muted sounds of Karkat shuffling around in his sleep. All he could hear here was the faint whistling of the wind. It felt empty. 

Dave knew he was small and insignificant when compared to the grand scope of the universe, and normally he didn’t care. But god, if his entire existence didn’t seem terribly trivial right now. Something about the vastness of the house, or the stretches of trees as far as the eye could see that all blended together into a mesh of green just made him feel so unimportant. 

Sitting here wasn’t doing him any favors. Dave had to get up and do something. Maybe that would snap him out of whatever funk he had gotten himself into. He peeled back the covers and put on his sunglasses, slipping out of the room and into the dark hallways.

Wearing sunglasses in the middle of the night probably wasn’t the best idea, since it was already super fucking dark, but here was no way in hell that he was going to take them off. 

Dave trailed aimlessly around the hallways, up and down stairs, and through archways. He didn’t know where he was going or where he was, and Dave was fine with that. 

Dave opened another door, and he found himself on an outside walkway. The wind whipped around and a chill settled over him. Despite it all, it was kind of peaceful. Dim moonlight lit the tops of endless pine trees and stars hung high in the night sky twinkled brightly. 

Dave sighed, and a cloud of mist came out. Dave laughed when he realized he could see his breath. That never happened in Texas and he amused himself for a few minutes pretending he was a dragon. Thank god no one else was around or he would never live it down. 

The tips of his ears and his nose had turned pink as they grew colder. Dave hurried into the door on the other side of the walkway and hoped to god that it wasn’t someone’s bedroom. He was always a little worried that he would accidentally walk into someone’s bedroom, but Dave was quiet enough to be able to leave without waking them up. 

The door opened up to reveal a twisting set of stairs. Of course it did. He could never escape the stairs. Dave sighed and began trekking up them anyways. They stretched on endlessly, giving Dave time to think. He wondered what Karkat was up to. Was he sleeping soundly? Was he sitting on his computer, typing away at something or other? Or perhaps watching a crappy rom-com? God that dude was infatuated with those movies. Dave actually found it kind of admirable that Karkat could like his interests so unabashedly. 

Dave turned one last corner, and he was there. It was a circular room with windows on all of the walls. The only thing in the room was a gigantic telescope. Well, a gigantic telescope and someone looking through the telescope. 

In the darkness it took him a few seconds to recognize Karkat. Speak of the devil. Dave smiled, he hadn’t registered how much he missed idly talking to the troll in the middle of the night when both of them couldn’t sleep because of insomnia. 

Dave snuck up behind Karkat and jumped on him. Karkat let out an ear piercing shriek and fell backwards, landing with a thump on the floor. Dave snickered at him, and plopped down on the floor next to him. 

“What’s a troll like you doing in a place like this?” Dave asked, a smirk playing on his face. 

Karkat tried to look grumpy about being interrupted, but Dave could tell the troll was happy to see him. “Insomnia fucking sucks. I sat there staring at the ceiling for like a solid two hours before I got fucking bored.”

“Glad to know we are in the same boat,” Dave responded. “How are the stars looking?”

“For once you can actually fucking see them. I guess you humans haven’t gotten around to polluting this area with too much light yet,” he responded, motioning for Dave to look through the telescope.

Dave peered through, and purple galaxies and nebulas stared back. “Holy shit,” he muttered, stunned. Dave scooched back so that Karkat could look again. He sat with his back against the wall, right next to Karkat. 

“This kinda reminds me of that one time we broke into that rundown observatory,” Dave reminisced. “You fucking hated me back then.”

Karkat snorted “You say that as if I don’t still hate you.” 

“C’mon Karkles, you know you’d be bored without me,” Dave prodded.

“Oh no, whatever would I do without your incessant rambling?” Karkat laughed.

“Do you think we can see Alternia from here?” Dave said. He had initially taken Karkat to see the observatory because the troll was homesick. Would Karkat leave to go back one day? Dave hoped not. He didn’t know what he would do without his ornery friend.

“Maybe. I don’t really want to think about Alternia. I’ve come to some conclusions recently that it wasn’t really as great as I made it out to be. My lusus is still up there, but I’m sure he is doing okay. That fucker is probably bothering some little wiggler right now,” Karkat laughed a melancholy laugh, “Besides, all of my friends are here. My home is here. Life changes,” Karkat shrugged. 

Dave stared at the troll, and he fell in love all over again. Karkat had gone through so much shit and came out on top. Dave was trying to do the same, but it was hard. Thank god he had Karkat there to guide him. 

“Hey Karkat?” Dave said.

The troll turned to face him. “Yeah?”

Before Dave had time to second guess himself or back out, he leaned in and kissed Karkat. Karkat froze up, but soon melted. The kiss was a little awkward, but Dave didn’t mind.

Dave sat back and stared at Karkat. Karkat looked like he was in shock, and Dave was still dazed at his own audacity. Suddenly, the realization of what he just did hit him in the face. 

“Listen, Karkat, if you aren’t into me like that, I totally get it and I’m sorry for doing that. I don’t want to ruin our friendship just because I did something stupid-”

“Dave, it’s fine. I-” Karkat stuttered, his face flushing a cherry red “I like you like that too.” It took Dave a few minutes to comprehend that. For some reason, his mind fixated on the fact that Karkat called him by his first name. Normally it was “Strider”, or “Jackass” or “Insufferable douchebag”.

Then his brain got around to processing all of the other words in the sentence.

Holy.

Shit.

“S-so does this mean we are mate-sprites or whatever now?” Dave asked nervously.

“If that’s what you really want to call it, you can, but I’d prefer to just go by boyfriends. I don’t think quadrants have ever really worked for me.” Karkat hummed.

“What? Since fucking when have you not been into quadrants? You used to go on about them endlessly. Remember when you tried to explain them to me and I got the names intentionally wrong? Bro you got so pissed off it was hilarious!” Dave laughed.

“Oh my fucking god I knew you were saying those wrong on purpose to fuck with me! You asshole!” Karkat lightly punched him in the shoulder.

Dave laughed and rested his head against Karkat’s shoulder. “I’m proud that you’ve got it all figured out.” He mumbled. It was quiet, but at least he said it. Dave still wasn’t good at the whole “genuine emotions” thing, but he could give it a shot for Karkat.

“Don’t sell yourself short, you’ve come so far too. You’re amazing and you have made so much progress,” Karkat responded, his face completely red now. 

“Okay, if we do any more sappy shit right now I am going to spontaneously combust, can we please go watch rom-coms on Rose’s flatscreen TV?” Karkat pleaded. Thank god, Dave wasn’t used to expressing his real emotions. Baby steps, he supposed.

“Hell. Fucking. Yes. But after we watch whatever shitty rom com you put on, I get to choose a movie and you have to watch it with me.”

Karkat groaned, but Dave spotted a smile on his face. 

They wandered downstairs, hand in hand, and suddenly his existence didn’t seem so insignificant. The two of them curled up on the couch next to each other, sharing a blanket. They didn’t even make it halfway through the first movie before they fell asleep, tangled up in one another.

The next morning Rose walked downstairs to make herself a cup of morning tea, only to find Karkat and Dave cuddling on the couch. She smiled to herself and slipped out quietly after getting her drink, as to not disturb them. 

It had been a long and lonely path, but it seemed like it was well worth it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the last chapter pretty much! I might do a small epilogue on what they get up to after all of this and what they do later in life, so tell me if you would be interested in that.
> 
> As always, thank you so much for reading!


	30. Chapter 30

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which there is an epilogue

Trepidation settled in Karkat’s heart as he approached the dorm room. It was just going to be him, Strider, and a guy named Egbert. A guy named Egbert who just so happened to be Strider’s best friend since the beginning of time. What if he fucked up things so badly with Egbert that Strider started hating him too? 

Maybe he should come back in twenty minutes. Karkat turned around. Yeah, he could totally go for a coffee. Why not, right? Like nothing was stopping him. It’s not like he was using it as an excuse to prolong not entering the dorm. 

Karkat turned back around. He needed to get it over with already. He just needed to reach out and open the door. Karkat was going to have to go in eventually. 

Making up his mind, he reached out to open the door. Only for it to burst open and slam into him. 

Karkat clutched his face and groaned in pain. What absolute fuckwit had just done that? The troll looked up to see the dumbest looking man he ever had the misfortune to come across. 

“Oh, sorry! I didn’t see you there,” he said with a smile. His voice sounded like nails on a chalkboard. His smile was wide and jolly, proudly displaying all of his teeth. That was when Karkat noticed his buck teeth. He didn’t think that the man could look any stupider, but he stood corrected. 

“What the actual fuck?! You absolute asshat, I can’t believe you. I’m just trying to get into my dorm room in peace, and I get assaulted by a moronic douchebag! How can you be such a spongedead shitbaggery asshole?!” Karkat seethed. 

“Oh, is this your room too? You must be Karkat,” he stuck out his hand. “My name is John Egbert!”

Oh shit. So this was the dumbass that he was going to be sharing a dorm with. He might as well make nice. 

Karkat grit his teeth and shook Egbert’s hand. A small electric shock went through him when their hands made contact and Karkat jumped back, shaking his hand.

Egbert burst out laughing as Karkat seethed. “No hard feelings about that! It’s just a little prank I like to play on people. See, I’ve got this little taser that shocks people when they shake my hand!” 

“Oh really?” Karkat said, pretending to sound enthusiastic. “Can I see it?”

“Sure!” he responded, handing the contraption over.

Karkat looked at it for a moment or two before marching over to a nearby window and throwing it out. 

Egbert rushed over the window to see the contraption fall and crack into a million pieces as it smashed into the floor. “Aw, that’s too bad. You don’t need to feel bad about it breaking, though, I have a bunch more in my suitcase,” he sighed. 

“Yeah I don’t feel bad,” Karkat spat, pushing past Egbert, into the room.

Three beds were pushed against the walls, with a large window overlooking the room. One of the beds had what Karkat assumed was Egbert’s luggage on it, and the other two were unclaimed. 

Karkat flopped down on the bed closest to the window with a groan. Egbert peaked back into the room. “In case you were wondering, I’m heading over to the library. I’d love some company, if you want to come!”

“I wasn’t wondering, and the farther away from you I can get, the better,” Karkat muttered, his head buried in a pillow. He was far too exhausted to even think about moving and simply interacting with Egbert drained him. After all, it took a lot of energy to muster up quite that much hatred. 

“Suit yourself!” Egbert replied, before closing the door behind him. 

…

Karkat didn’t mean to fall asleep, he really didn’t. It’s just that the bed was so comfortable and warm and soft. Really, he couldn’t be blamed for it in the grand scheme of things. Anyone in his position would have done the same. 

He didn’t even realize he had fallen asleep until Strider woke him up. Strider burst into the room, making what Karkat assumed was meant to be an ironically loud and flamboyant entrance. 

“Sorry, didn’t realize you were takin’ a nap,” he said sheepishly. What was it with these assholes and making his day shit? First John fucking Egbert hit him with the goddamn door, and now Strider had to wake him up. 

In all honesty, he wasn’t really annoyed with Dave. His entrance actually kind of amused Karkat. Of course he would never admit that to Strider. After all, he wouldn’t be “Grumpy McShouty Pants”, as Strider so affectionately called him, if he went around being so sappy all the time. 

“Well I’m awake now, fuckstick. Where the hell were you? I had to deal with meeting that absolute blundering idiot Egbert by myself,” Karkat said.

“I had to register for my classes an’ shit. You know how it is,” Strider responded. Of course he waited until the last possible second to sign up for his classes. What else had Karkat been expecting?

“No, I don’t know how it is, because I signed up for my classes before the last day.”

Strider smiled and shrugged. “Potato, tomato, it’s all the same.”

“That’s not how the fucking saying goes and you know it!” 

“Are you sure? I’m pretty sure it’s potato, tomato,” Strider smirked. 

“Dude stop fucking with me. We both know its to-may-to, to-mah-to. Not fucking potato, tomato!”

“As the resident official of Earth, I think I would know how the idiom goes. After all, I am the master of metaphors. Are you really trying to question me, Karkles? Are you sure you wanna do this?” 

Karkat threw a pillow at him. There was no winning with Strider. They would just talk themselves in metaphorical circles all day long. Strider would go off on some nonsense ramble, and Karkat would reply with an equally long, if not incredibly more vulgar, rant. 

“Guess what I’m not fucking doing today? This! New fucking topic!” Karkat shouted, throwing his hands up in defeat. “What dumb fucking classes did you decide to sign up for?”

“Honestly I just picked out whatever sounded cool. There were a couple film production classes that seemed pretty cool.” Huh, Karkat never realized Strider was into that sort of thing. 

“What, are you going to direct your own Sweet Bro and Hella Jeff movie? Remember me when you are famous,” Karkat pretended to swoon.

“Now that you mention it, that’s not a half bad idea.” God. Fucking. Damn it. Rule one of dealing with Dave fucking Strider was to not give him any more bad ideas. He had enough of those floating around in his brain and he certainly didn’t need any more encouragement. 

“So what classes did you pick?” Strider asked, plunking down his suitcase next to the bed. 

“What do you fucking think, you shit stain? A couple creative writing courses and some movie and literature analysis shit.”

“Oh god, are you going to write the next Twilight? Karkat, I know you love those shitty novels, but I swear to god if you ever publish a book like Twilight I’m going to have to break up with you,”

“Honestly I was thinking something more along the lines of Good Luck Chuck,” Karkat said with a smirk.

“Okay, first of all, fuck you and your fucking movie tastes. Second of all, when you become a world renowned romance author and I become an oscar winning movie director, we need to make a movie together. It would be the shittiest thing in all of history. Think how great it would be!” Karkat smiled. That didn’t actually sound so bad. 

“Whatever you bumbling idiot,” Karkat said, “help me unpack my shit already.”

…

Working two different shit jobs for minimum wage was a pain in the ass, but money was money. Since Karkat and Dave couldn’t leech off the Lalondes forever and didn’t have a penny to their names, they would need to bust their asses to make a living. Squeezing in shifts in between classes was exhausting, but it paid off in the end.

Being able to provide for themselves without having to rely on the kindness of Rose and her mom, or the scraps that Strider’s lusus left behind, if you could even call it that, felt satisfying. 

Karkat still remembers the first time he got his paycheck. He went straight to a flower shop and bought Strider a bouquet. Dave pretended not to be super fucking flustered, but his entire face turned red and he had the goofiest grin on his face. If you were to ask Dave what happened, he would tell you that Karkat was just as red, and nervously fidgeting as the troll handed him the flowers. 

When Dave got his first paycheck, he took Karkat out to dinner. At first, he pretended they were going to Olive Garden, but surprised Karkat by bringing him to a fancy-ish romantic dinner. Dave would have brought him somewhere a little nicer, but they were still broke as shit and this was the best he could afford. Karkat was ecstatic, and nearly got them kicked out of the restaurant for swearing. Strider laughed his ass off so hard that the other patrons shot them dirty looks. Neither of them particularly minded. If Dave didn’t know any better, he could have sworn that Karkat was playing a game of “How Many Boomers Can You Piss off During One Dinner?”

…

Dave staggered into the dorm room, exhausted from working the graveyard shift. When the door creaked open, he was surprised to see that there was still a light on in the room. He would have expected everyone to be asleep by now. 

Yellow light shone from the lamp sitting on the desk, illuminating the room with its faint glow. Karkat sat at the desk, sound asleep and snoring. He was resting his head on a notebook, with textbooks surrounding him. He still even had a pen in hand. 

Dave smiled to himself and shook his head. Even Karkat needed to rest. He had a habit of forgetting that he too, was in fact a human, and needed sleep. Well technically he wasn’t a human, but trolls need to sleep too, so the metaphor still worked.

He glanced over at John’s bed only to find it empty. Dave kept forgetting that he had taken a couple of days to visit his dad. Apparently it was his birthday or something, and John had been complaining about cakes or something the entire time he was packing. Still, Dave could tell John loved his dad. 

“C’mon Karkalicious, let’s get you in bed,” Dave muttered quietly. He uncurled Karkat’s hand, placing the pen that had been clutched there on the table. He picked up the troll, careful not to disturb him, and set him down in his bed. Dave grabbed one of the many blankets Karkat insisted on hoarding, and tucked him in. It was rare that Karkat got to sleep so peacefully, so Dave was glad he managed to move Karkat without waking him up. 

He reached over and shut the lamp off with a click, sending the room into darkness. For once, it didn’t take him long to fall asleep, the exhaustion overtaking him. Thankfully, his sleep was dreamless, devoid of haunting figures or past memories.

…

Karkat awoke slowly, the sun in his eyes an ever present annoyance. It refused to let him sleep. His brain couldn’t seem to remember going to sleep last night. All he remembered was taking notes for one of his most boring classes, and then bam, he woke up the next morning. 

The troll looked over and noticed Strider sound asleep in the other bed, and the puzzle pieces connected. He smiled fondly to himself. What had he done to deserve such a great boyfriend? 

Karkat groaned, the sun in his face prevented him from going back to sleep, and he didn’t have any classes for a few more hours. On top of that, he was still fucking tired. This sucked.

That’s when he noticed that Strider’s bed wasn’t in the sun. Karkat clambered out of his bed, into the cold morning air, and slotted himself next to Dave. Dave stirred as Karkat joined him, and smiled, pulling Karkat closer. 

…

An hour later, Dave’s alarm went off, shrieking into their ears and waking them both up. Karkat groaned, as Dave sat up to get ready for his classes.

“Let’s just go back to sleep. Fuck your classes, you can take a day off,” he pleaded. 

At first Dave was reluctant, but eventually he conceded, falling back asleep. No way in hell was he going to pass up cuddling with Karkat to go listen to some old fuck ramble for an hour.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow this has been a long ride! I can't believe I actually wrote a whole story!! I have always wanted to finish a story, but I never had the motivation. Thank you all for sticking with me, it gave me the motivation to finish writing and really encouraged me, I love all of you!!! I am highly amused that the word count came out to a total of 61,200. I might write another fic in the future, but probably not for the homestuck fandom. As much as I love it, I have written enough about these guys. That being said, have a late happy new years and stay safe! :3


End file.
